PCG, one thing I have learned is that diplomacy goes long way. If you want something and he is hesitant, don't start insisting but either wait for another time to bring the issue up in a different way, or recognize his concerns and assure things will be fine. Another thing, don't make finances an issue. Have separate accounts and a joint account. Add up all the expenditure and put 50/50 in that joint account. Don't make emotional decisions, don't get into emotional arguments, take your time to plan out the things. If he wants to be the man of the house, think of ways where he can that way but also respects you.
I have NO problem with a man being the man of the house (ie fixing stuff, mowing the lawn, etc) but to say decisions will be 75/25 rubs me the wrong way. Did he say what kind of decisions? Like what if you guys want to go on a vacation and you want to go to Italy and he wants to go to Antarctica? He's basically saying he's the decision maker. The end. Period. It really rubbed me the wrong way about the allowance and the fact that if you two disagree, then ultimately there's no point in you ever having an opinion because what he wants is going to happen. I feel like men like this condition women to just be "yes women"... Eventually you'll learn that your opinion has no value and you'll stop having one. I couldn't live like that personally. A wise woman once told me think of this as a sign to get out now scott free. You can do better IMO.
hmmm PCG getting cold feet. Picks something and wants to call it off based on that one thing. Looking for validation from gupshup people who earlier pressured her to not think bad about him.Men like to dominate, most i mean. You don’t fight it out then and there,you be tactful. There are wussies out there who lick the jooties but you won’t find many of those. Your call PCG…
IMHO, all men are bossy. Every person has to be "handled" in a particular manner to bring out the best in him/her. You would be hard put to find a man who isn't "bossy". It's hard to hear things spelled out like that ie 75/25 percent but honestly, the first few years of marriage it is a lot of friction where, especially if the woman is independently earning, the guy feels insecure and becomes dominating over stupid issues. But slowly and surely the balance of power shifts as both learn to work as a husband and wife team. There does come an equilibrium eventually. Don't be scared off. Be strong PCG and understand that the branch that BENDS bears fruit. My two cents.
O and another thing, most "talk" before marriage about how things will be is just that. TALK. No one can walk the walk till they are in it actually. Marriage is super unpredictable and what makes it work is basic, fundamental commitment to MAKING IT WORK.
EVERY married person has had ideas about how life will be after marriage, we all have discussed it (if given a chance) with potential spouse before marriage, and I am sure that every married person has been surprised that things didn't work the way they talked about. It's like people discussing what kind of parents they will be. You can never KNOW till you ARE a parent.
What you can be sure of is the amount of commitment you bring to the table. And the heart.
Those are the ingredients for success.
Don't let "talk" scare you PCG. Understand that sometimes people don't say things they really mean, or don't know how to say them well. You're intelligent. Don't be scared off.
Reminds me of a guppan (can't recall name) who posted that the best advice she received from her mom was to not expect her boyfriend to be remain exactly the same after marriage...that he will be more demanding, etc. It does make sense. When you live together...a greater comfort level develops....to where you can be "bossy" with each other and expect your partner (n vice versa) to do things without the hesitation and formality and watching your every step/word that existed before marriage.
Four page of serious advice, some contradictory, so I thought I'd try a bit of levity.
Or would you rather hear:
"Oh you should talk it out and tell him this is no joking matter. And really not talk to your Mom because that will spoil her viewpoint of him (as it already has as you stated). You wouldn't want him to tell his folks about stuff you've told him that would make them biased against you."
OR
"OMG Red Flag!! Red flag!! Red flag alert!!! Even if he said he's joking he may have meant a lot of it. Such men should be kicked to the curb. You life will be miserable "
You can choose whichever is closest to what you wanna hear. :p
PCG getting cold feet. Picks something and wants to call it off based on that one thing. Looking for validation from gupshup people who earlier pressured her to not think bad about him.Men like to dominate, most i mean. You don’t fight it out then and there,you be tactful. There are wussies out there who lick the jooties but you won’t find many of those. Your call PCG…