Guy says he will have 75 % weight in decisions and you can have 25%. That he makes the ultimate decisions. That he will make all the financial decisions involving both his money and yours. You’ll bring in double his income but he makes final decisions on the money.
Your response ladies if your man said this to you
Re: Domination
I'd ask him to clarify
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What does he mean by the 75/25 split? As in, he basically gets to decided everything with a little input from me, or that I get to make 1 in 4 decisions?
Clarification aside, I would consider this a MASSIVE RED FLAG and steer clear from such a rishta. If I was married and my relationship evolved naturally such that I, quite willingly happened to take a backseat sometimes on decision-making because it transpired that my husband was better at making decisions than me or more logical or whatever. or that some decisions he dominated because he knew better about that, and some decisions I made because I knew better, then that would be ok.
Someone laying down the law, however, before our strengths and weaknesses have even transpired, would strike me as a bit of a misogynist. Some women like a dominating man. I however prefer a strong man - one who doesn't constantly need to have his ego massaged and can listen to a woman's advice without reverting back to the stone age.
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I'd kick him in the nuts and ask him how much weight that carried.
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I came in expecting Call of Duty talk 
This guy doesn’t get it. He’s demanding respect and trust, which have to be earned. Every marriage has areas where one spouse makes the decision, but runs it by the other one. If he’s referring to the decision making process, in that he wants to make financial decisions but you have veto power and he will value your input, I don’t think that’s unreasonable. If he’s referring to the decision itself, saying it’s his call and you need to always respect it, then he’s out of line.
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Yeah this is IT guy! Says we can talk about things and he would never do anything before talking to me but that he gets final say. So then I pressed on for examples and he said well I don't have any right now. I am in shock. He said that there has to be a leader in each pack and he is the leader in his family. I said ok but I have brain smarts and education and wordly experience so I dont see why we wouldn't come to reasonable agreements. He says that when there is a difference of opinion, his opinion will be the one we follow. WTH? So some examples - if there is a valid reason for me to take a job at one place vs another but I just WANT to work at the place he isn't in favor of then I'd have to work in the place he wants me to work. He tells me what to cook each night. If its a financial decision or the kids decision then he has ultimate say.
I said so far I have not gotten the sense that you're a 75-25 kind of guy. You haven't told me what to do with my life and when he visited me, he said wherever you wanna go we'll go. He says now that obviously he will not be bossy when he is on vacation and a guest.
He said this as if it's natural.
When we have talked about our friends marriages, and compared what we liked and didn't like - I was impressed that he thought it odd that his friends wives didn't work even if they were trained docs. He agrees that is a waste to not work.
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Weird thing to say :/
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Marriage is a blending of two people so what should evolve is what is natural. Not what someone dictates. Also the guy dictating to you is generally not a good idea. Any decision reached should be reached by both of you together. Nobody should have a veto power ever. Some issues are sensitive and need to be handled with care thus you can naturally differ to someone else's views or desires. But nobody in a relationship has the right to veto something.
Something a very good friend once told me is take a walk in someone else's shoes. Try to imagine why he or she is saying that. So why would your guy say something like that? Any past relationships which ended badly? Something that bugs him or makes him feel bad?
Everybody has faults and insecurities. Our responsibility in a long term committed relationship is to work on ourselves to be understanding of those views and insecurities.
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So he’s at least informing you of his decisions. Wonderful! 
Calling himself a leader doesn’t make him one. It just makes him sound arrogant and selfish.
In a nutshell your wishes don’t count for anything. Be it food, work, money, or babies. Basically most things important.
He needs a follower, not a wife. Are you willing to be one?
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He is basically informing you that he is going to be man of the house. Kinda like the 'olden' times. This type of talk will cause problems , it depends on how much YOU are willing to not compromise on things that will be very important to you.
A person can be a leader in the family. But not the way stated by him.
For example, I am not the type of person who will take a sit down, shut up and backseat kind of role in all the decision makings in MY life. As a couple, we have major disagreements about issues, but we do talk them over and make a decision together. I could not live a life where my husband did not respect my input, and vice versa.
Since IT guy is mentioning this to you now, how do you fell about not being able to make decisions when you have fended for yourself for most of your life? You have to ask yourself, is it something you are willing to do?
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I think you should rub I-make-double-your-salary in his face more.
@OP
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It's complex because so far he is a reasonable guy in his decisions. He makes good decisions generally. So the issue is not that I don't trust him to make a good decision. And he has said every decision will be discussed. But that if there is a difference of opinion between us then his say is the final word. Then also added that he is bossy. I'm like how? You havent been bossy so far. He goes well I'm obviously not going to show that when I visit you.
I mean that was the whole point of that visit. That he comes here and we get to hang out in person and figure each other out. Well if you're on your complete best behavior and now you're telling me to be prepared for a bossy man, then I don't get that. I know that I've been a vulnerable nut lately, a lot of stress in my life, a lot of big decisions. So maybe I'm over reading this. Maybe I over read into the conversation with his family where it was suggested that my family should be more friendly (?). But I don't think I'm over reading this. And when I said nah you're just joking and trying to scare me he insisted he was not.
:-O
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He is being upfront and straight forward, what else would anyone want.
@OP
As a matter of principle, whoever has the most convincing argument in the matter should have the final say.
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I haven't even rubbed that in his face. Never brought up my salary. In fact told him that I'd be more interested in doing part time work so I can spend time with kids at home. Also told him about my loans and my obligations to my parents and that money will need to go there first so he basically will financially man the household on his own. Which he is ok with.
So one example I came up with was whether he would dictate whether I could buy something nice for myself. He was like , well like what, something expensive? I said I'm not much of a spender and so I buy on sale but lets say it's a purse that costs more than 20 bucks. He says well yeah if it's too much money and not the right use of our money I'd say no. Then I said well id be earning so it would be my money not his that I'd be spending. He says the angrily that well why doesn't he just spend his money on himself and not support the household?
Well ok if you want our finances pooled fine. I'm totally responsible id put my family first over anything anyway. But then we should both have say in what happens to the money and we should both have say how we run our home and family.
He is ALLoWING me to make decisions on household decorations , he wants nothing to do with that.
I reminded him that I've lived on my own for my adult life and that it's not going to be easy running my life for me. He says I'm being too negative and taking things out of proportion.
I just sent him a text. Sorry buddy not happy with our discussion , a marriage isn't 75/25. And not interested in being bossed for the rest of my life.
Can't believe this. He has been like my best friend since I met him. Why would he think of dominating someone he cares about like that??
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PCG -
I do not think you’re over reading this. You should seriously consider this a MAJOR red flag in this rishta. Based on how your personality comes across in this forum (ie. you have strong opinions, and you’re very independent)…I can see A LOT of unhappy days in your future with a husband like this.
He’s basically telling you that that man you’ve gotten to know these past few months is not who he is. He’s being the “polite guest” right now and will reveal his true nature AFTER you sign the nikah papers.
Him mentioning that issues will be discussed is BS. What is the point in asking you for your opinion if he has already told you that HIS opinion will “win” at the end? You will never have the final say when it comes to your career, your children, ANY financial decisions etc. Heck he’s already telling you what to cook every night! 
Like LucyMay said…he is not looking for a life partner. He’s looking for someone who will submit to HIS choices for the rest of her life.
As for you working…what about when there are children in the picture? Do you want to be a housewife then? Is he ok with your quitting your job if you want to stay home? Or vice versa…if you want to continue working, will he be ok with the kids going to daycare/nanny? If you continue to work…will you expect you to drop YOUR work every-single-time something happens and 1 parent needs to stay home (ie. lets say the child is sick)?
I can write a novel on all the things I see being a MAJOR issue in the future. PCG I know you want to get married…but I would hate for you to get into a marriage and even be more miserable. Before this goes any further, please sit down with him and hash out EVERYTHING. Really think about what you’re getting yourself into. And btw, with HIM being in charge of ALL the money/assets…I strongly urge you to hire a lawyer (while you still retain control of your income) and get a prenup WAAAY before the nikah.
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Okay...research the Islamic stance on the issue of your earnings and your degree of control over it, discuss it with him and see what he says. The reason I say this is because if if Islam has a clear stance on an issue, then it trumps our views if they are in opposition. Consider having a joint and separate account, which will give you more flexibility. A common hassle women have....and you'll see this in the Household n Cuisine forum from time to time...is not knowing what to cook. I've heard my mom say many times that samajh main nahi aata kya pakaoon. You may find yourself asking him what you should cook...so it saves you time if he tells you or gives you suggestions. If he's craving a more time-consuming dish during the week, you can compromise by offering to make it over the weekend. When you have kids, you'll have to accommodate for their preferences as well....so the cooking aspect won't be or shouldn't be rigid. It's good that he feels issues should be discussed with you. Next time ask him that if we both do a list of long term pros n cons over an issue and my list has more pros...how will that be dealt with?. You lose validity and respect as a leader if you consistently make decisions that are failures...and that were predominantly based on your desires. I've seen this in the workplace and in a family setting as well. These are some points that you can discuss with him and get his opinion on.
Also, PCG...it's easier to make simplified statements before marriage. There will be times when you both will compromise/yield to one another. As for "domination"....if Islam assigns husbands as the leaders of their households ....then by definition isn't a leader automatically in a dominant position then? Yes he is. That said, pick and choose your battles and have trust in him that he'll consider the best interest of all parties. It can be a comfort to know that you don't have to handle every single matter in your life...and that you have a partner of sound mind who can take care of things for you. You will have a lot on your plate ....with your professional duties, taking care of household chores, raising your kids.....that it will make life easier to have someone manage some things for you. It's less work for you.
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I've already brought up the idea of a prenup and he seems interested in it. His prior wife left with the jewelry and never gave it back. That's why I was asking what's the Islamic stance on jewelry gifting. The first wife was with him for 3 months, now it is dawning on me that he mentioned her name was not on his house. He got the mortgage before marrying her. Which I figured fine, they're newly weds so why put her name on the home right away. He mentioned that during the divorce she tried to get her hands on the house. But she lodged the case in Pakistan and her name wasn't on the house anyway.
All these issues my family plans on bringing up so he has no clue what hot seat he will be in when the talks go forward. I have not told my parents about this discussion yet I'm sure they will flip out. Any parent of any girl would not be ok with a guy telling their daughter "well I'll be bossy after marriage"
I thought he was joking for a whole and thought he was talking about bedroom activities in which case meow a powerful man is not a bad thing. But jeez loise had no idea he was talking about real life!!! I hope he calls back and tells me he was just kidding!
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Look at the bright side, he is telling you all about himself so that it is easy for you to make your decision.
But one thing I want to point out is, even in the future, this my-money-mentality (and from what I have read about you so far, you maybe someone like that) is a recipe for disaster. Men, in general have ego issues (including myself), and desi men have unreasonably huge ego. Either be smart enough to get your way in situations but trying to provoke a guy is a bad idea no matter how couragous, confident you may feel at that moment.
@OP
Re: Domination
Yeah this is IT guy! Says we can talk about things and he would never do anything before talking to me but that he gets final say. So then I pressed on for examples and he said well I don't have any right now. I am in shock. He said that there has to be a leader in each pack and he is the leader in his family. I said ok but I have brain smarts and education and wordly experience so I dont see why we wouldn't come to reasonable agreements. He says that when there is a difference of opinion, his opinion will be the one we follow. WTH? So some examples - if there is a valid reason for me to take a job at one place vs another but I just WANT to work at the place he isn't in favor of then I'd have to work in the place he wants me to work. He tells me what to cook each night. If its a financial decision or the kids decision then he has ultimate say.
I said so far I have not gotten the sense that you're a 75-25 kind of guy. You haven't told me what to do with my life and when he visited me, he said wherever you wanna go we'll go. He says now that obviously he will not be bossy when he is on vacation and a guest.
He said this as if it's natural.
When we have talked about our friends marriages, and compared what we liked and didn't like - I was impressed that he thought it odd that his friends wives didn't work even if they were trained docs. He agrees that is a waste to not work.
PCG, I know a real life example where the husband is the decision maker. Wife works full time, looks after everything from kids, bills to groceries. He stays home because he is a heart patient. She has to beg him even to give her $10. I am not exaggerating. She told me this herself. That somedays he gives her $10 for a week and sometimes not even that. So take what you will from this example.
From what I have seen, men with this mentality make their wives' life hell.
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it's the man's responsibility to provide for the family. the wife's income is hers and ONLY hers. she should have FULL control over it. she decides how she wants to spend and it's absolutely her choice to spend her money.
this is the Islamic way and i agree with with 100%.