Domination

[khattichic]

Re: Domination

@PyariCgudia

It’s the principal of the matter that he tells me he will BOSS me around. What you’re suggesting is that there is a decision to be made, both parties put forth their opinions and come to a mutual agreement, and when you don’t agree perfectly each side compromises a little. He is not saying that. He is saying that if there is a disagreement, we’ll go with his decision. No room for compromise. No bending on either side, he gets the upper hand.

WTH?

I agree with you here…the way he just outright said it’s ultimately his way or the high way, it worrisome.

I don’t think you should completely write him off just yet. Paheli gave some excellent practical advice which I think definitely needs to be addressed in your situation.

I come from a home where my ammi was the mother, father, husband, wife, main financial provider for the entire time she and my father were married. She was the sole decision maker and I saw how the stress of not being able to devote her time and energies to more domestic, at home things ripped their marriage apart. It impacted me so much so that I made a conscious decision to marry the type of man who would be more in control when it came to finances in our marriage, a more “traditional” type.

That being said, we have had our hiccups with spending etc, as he is not the spender/shopper I am and especially when I was a SAHM, it could frustrating having to justify every purchase.

Once I was back to earning, I made sure to change up the “ground rules” real fast. In my line of work, there have been times that in 2-3 month period, I have made more than half his salary…but then I may not make anything for the next few months…what we now do, for the sake of both our sanity and household harmony is divide my income into equal parts: “X” amount goes straight to a joint savings account “X” amount I keep in a separate sole account as my money to spend/use as I wish without having to clear it or discuss with him.

As you pointed out, this requires mutually compromise and agreement/respect. If I were you, I would broach this scenario with him and see how he reacts.

And as far as support of your parents goes, this is HUGE in my book as I am one of 3 girls. I’m very lucky that my husband and bro-in-law were very understanding in this regard and cared for and/or provided for my parents just like their own. It never had to be discussed, was just understood.

I really hope IT guy is just putting on a macho front for now and will be open to compromises.