Re: Domination
Look PCG…at the end, this is your life and you will decide what risks you are willing to take. If you have already convinced yourself that you have no other options…then there is not much else anyone here can say. You and your family should be happy he mentioned all this now. How would you have felt if he surprised you with the “real” him AFTER nikah?
LOL…being “interested” in a prenup and actually signing one with lawyers present is totally different. In fact, just agreeing to the DETAILS of a prenup is totally different. Like I said already, please hire your own lawyer (and he should have his own too) and bring up your concerns with him/her. Its great to know what Islam says about certain things…but you already know that it won’t mean in the court room much IF your hubby chooses not to follow those teaching in the event of a divorce. So spend some time learning the actual law when it comes to these things.
Some of the things you should discuss with your lawyer & get a DETAILED prenup on:
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Income/assets etc. obtained BEFORE the wedding date: In community property states, these can not be claimed in the event of a divorce. But just to be on the safe side…it’s best to address this and come to an agreement.
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Debt incurred BEFORE marriage: Credit cards, loans/mortgage etc…will your spouse help you pay these off OR will they be kept separate
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Debt incurred AFTER marriage: In the event of a divorce…who will be responsible for paying. If divided…how will it be divided.
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Asset division: What does each party get during a divorce. Income, home, cars, 401(k)/other investments etc…list every-single-thing. This can be divided by a percentage OR can be a particular sum. It can be paid (let’s say you’re supposed to get X amount) on a lump sum OR paid over a period of months (let’s say he gives you X amount for 12 months after divorce is final).
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Gifts: This is where all the expensive gold jewelry comes in. Gifts exchanged before/during marriage…will they be returned during a divorce. If so, will there be a cut off in what “gifts” are divided (ex. let’s say any gift with a value of over $1,000). Will this have what’s called a sunset clause? Meaning there is a expiration date on this “gift returning” part of the prenup. After all…there is a difference between getting divorced after 3 months…versus 3 YEARS and after having 1 or 2 babies.
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What state laws will apply to the prenup? If you move to a different state during the marriage, how will that effect the prenup?
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What happens if one person challenges the prenup during the divorce? Will that challenge be dealt with through mediation, arbitration, or court trial? ** My personal advice to you is insist on a clause that the person who challenges the validity of the prenup during a divorce will pay the other spouse’s lawyer/court fees REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME.
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Be sure to sign the prenup months before the wedding (ie. before invites are mailed out/vendors are booked etc). You never want to give him (or his lawyer) the excuse that he was somehow bullied/pressured into signing the prenup at the last minute after everything about the wedding has been finalized. This is a common reason for challenging prenups during divorce. Also insist he get his own lawyer. Not having legal representation (ie. “Oh I’m not a lawyer and didn’t understand what I was signing back then”) will give him another easy reason to challenge the validity of the document in the future.
That’s all I can think of for now. Like I said…it’s easy to agree to signing a prenup. Getting both people to agree to all the details in the prenup is a whole another matter. 