Domination

Ghost14 · July 26, 2013, 3:01pm

Re: Domination

Okay, so Miss PCG, you need to figure out whether what he says is what he means.

If this was the first thing he said to you when you met - HUGE red flad - you would judge him by his initial comments. Instead what you have is the benefit of talking to him for months and meeting and interacting with him in person.

Maybe, just maybe for once he might think he means this, but the reality is far different. If he respects you and respects your intelligence and capacity to make decisions, then he will take you into account in making decisions for himself and for the two of you and he is probably more than likely to share decision-making with you.

My measure of a man:** he’d better be smart enough and our values match closely enough for me to want to defer to his decision-making on our mutual decisions.** The flip side is marrying a wuss who makes you make all the tough choices - that’s no better either. As with anything, balance is everything.

And larki, you need to find your zen place and think positive about this one instead of constantly looking for what could go wrong.

This. Tell him that respect is earned, and that being a leader also means that he better make good decisions the majority of the time because otherwise, he’ll have a mutiny on his hands. Responsibility is not to be taken lightly. This is why I don’t suggest that women settle in terms of personality, intelligence and values. If you can’t respect your husband, you will not want to defer to him, and for a lot of desi guys, that’s an issue.

So for this, hash it out. As ridiculous as it sounds, make up a scenario for him. As specific as possible. Like Paheli said, what if you guys have kids and you want to stay at home but he wants you to work, what then? What if he wants to invest in X (say a stock) and you don’t feel comfortable, but would rather invest in a mutual fund or a safer stock? It might just be that he’s stubborn about this but may end up being more reasonable once specific issues come up.

As for cooking, lol, my mom constantly complains about not knowing what to cook, so having a guy make suggestions can be helpful. On that other hand, demanding it is a bit weird.