Does this come across as bad?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

how many of you call your husband with his name and/or use “Tum” while interacting with him.
and when you talk about your husband to others, do you refer to him by his name or you say like “Unhoo,yeh,woh,” etc.

And does it come across as disrespectful or bad if a wife interacts with her husband who might be her age or might be 10-12 years older than her with the word TUM?

2

Re: Does this come across as bad?

I call him by his name or nick. I say 'tum' or 'aap' interchangeably - There's no fix rule.

I don't find it disrespectful but I do think it depends on your comfort level with your partner rather than the age gap but I could be wrong.

There are 2,5 years between us.

3

Re: Does this come across as bad?

I don't know if it's disrespectful but I call him Aap and he calls me Aap and we call our kids Aap ... that's just how it is in our home/family. We call everyone Aap :D

Edit: Oh and I call him by his name. So no formality here!!!!

4

Re: Does this come across as bad?

my hubby and I have only a 8 month difference in age...and i call him by his name and use tum. Never use "app." really depends of you relationship with your husband and maybe the family background. My phuphos made my cousins call their husband 'aap,' and 'unhay' but my MIL or my mother never bugged me about it.

5

Re: Does this come across as bad?

Calling by name isn't seen as disrespectful in our generation as much as it was for our elders.. In our family everyone my age does it and one or two of my younger aunts call their husbands by their name..

6

Re: Does this come across as bad?

Yes.

7

Re: Does this come across as bad?

I call my husband "tum" (well, the equivalent of tum in our mother tongue) and it doesn't feel weird at all because everyone else is doing the same. My parent's generation, "aap" was the norm, though I know several older couples who use tum. I don't think tum is disrespectful ... respect is not just about words, but also about actions :)

8

Re: Does this come across as bad?

^On my mum's side they use 'tumi' which is obviously more or less the same.. it's seen as more informal and affectionate..

9

Re: Does this come across as bad?

I call my husband by name as well when speaking to or about him, but I use the "tameh" which is the gujarati version of "aap" when speaking to him. When we first met I use to call him the equivalent of "tum" since at the time there was nothing there and I had no idea he would one day be my husband. Once we reached that point, I consciously switched to the equivalent of "aap", at first it sounded strange but I got use to it. I do think it shows respecl and also sounds more respectful. He's 2 years older than me if that matters, but I'd do it regardless of the age difference.

10

Re: Does this come across as bad?

I call my husband by name when speaking to or about him, as well as, the equivalent of "tum" in our language and he's 7,5 years older. I agree with Arzi, I think it's about comfort level rather than age or respectfulness. In my culture, I've observed that use of the formal "you" to refer to one's husband is not very common among people of our generation.

11

Re: Does this come across as bad?

yes from older couples, my own mom use Tum and my dadi and nani also both used to use tum for my dada & nana. but they didn't use to take the names when talking about them to others. :)

12

Re: Does this come across as bad?

oh that's the first time i am hearing about husband also using AAP with wife. :)

13

Re: Does this come across as bad?

I call him 'hun' :)

14

Re: Does this come across as bad?

I say “tum” when I am talking to him directly. However, I still get confused how to address him when I am talking about him with others so I switch to English. Best solution. No tum, aap, or woh.. :snooty:

Referring to him as ‘woh’ seems forced and talking like “woh to so raha hai, woh to chala Gaya..” Just sounds weird and a bit disrespectful.

15

Re: Does this come across as bad?

Why is that disrespectful? How else could you say it? :confused:

I say aap to everyone - including kids. Also call him by his name. But I do say ‘idher aain’ and ‘khana khain’ etc

16

Re: Does this come across as bad?

^ I don’t know.. It just does. :bummer:

17

Re: Does this come across as bad?

hmmm... my Urdu is not that great so maybe I'm missing something! But the only difference is I would generally say 'woh to so rahain hain, woh chalay gayay thay'

18

Re: Does this come across as bad?

chala vs chalay…

19

Re: Does this come across as bad?

My lord would be nice, I can see her really feeling enthusiastic about it. :roman:

20

Re: Does this come across as bad?

call him "sartaaj" like a desi traditional wife would call her hubby. :)