Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
Well my MIL and her brother came over yesterday and my wife was too busy talking to her Mum and mamoo so I thought I'd make a cup of tea for them.
My phopo was here too and when she saw me in the kitchen making tea for my susraal she was a wee bit annoyed seeing her bateeja doing what she called auraton ka kaam and that too for my susraal.
When my saas and her bhai left my phopo made a fuss about it to my mum that she hadn't taught her son to act like a man. She called me a jhoru ka ghulam and what not. But what surprised me the most was when she said I had become my susraal's tabeydar ("abhi sei hogaya unka chamcha") and I was being a ghar damaad? Not that I see anything wrong with the idea of a ghar damaad (not that I want to be one, lol) but I don't see how making a small cup of tea for your saas makes you a ghar damaad. Nor am I a "Jhoru ka ghulam". My mama just told me and my wife to never mind. "Abida baaji ko to aadat hai batey bananay ka".
Note: I have been born and brought up in the West, but I understand the culture of Pakistan since I have been raised in a very traditional family. Have been recently married.
Ignore these typical aunts and live your life happily. Such aunts are really capable of playing with other's relationships! I say.. avoid her in the future too and ask your mother to avoid her too..BECAUSE.. if she sees you are ignoring her, she will try to "kaan bharing" your mom.... and aurat aik aurat ke jaal main aa hi jaati hay!!
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
No it doesn’t. Don’t listen to your phopee. Please don’t. The most important person who’s opinion you should value is your wife’s as she is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with and you did the right thing and I’m sure made her so happy in the process. Your sasuraal were guests in your home and not only is it plain old good manners to be hospitable but it’s also a part of our religion to be this way. So you def did the right thing by giving them tea. Don’t let one auntie change the way you think ESPECIALLY If your mother is on your side and telling you to ignore her.
You sound like a great caring guy and a good husband and your wife is lucky
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
There is nothing wrong with what you did. It was a sweet gesture and I'm sure your wife appreciated it very much :) The marriage is between you and her not you, her and "Abida Baji". Aunties like to make a fuss for no reason, and it's probably because their husbands wouldn't have dare done the same 25 years ago. It's a new day and age. Making one cup of chai out of respect for your wife and her mother's time together is very nice of you to do.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
It doesn't look good and one should not make it a habit.
Acha ji
It looks like you are whipped. Even you're wife is there yet you are making the tea and serving it. If you act so subservient then soon you will start to be treated that way by your in laws. If you don't mind being below their feet then it's fine but if you want to be respected I wouldn't advise it. Today you are making and serving tea tomorrow you will iron her clothes the next day you will wash her underwear. But anyways, it's your life.
Okay please don't listen to this ^ I feel so sorry for you saggirl.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
OP...your mother taught you good manners. When someone comes to your home, you ask them if they'd like something to eat or drink. Its normal. You don't ignore those rules if the guests happen to be inlaws.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
Nobody makes better tea than my BIL and he has no qualms making tea for his in-laws when we go to visit. Mind you, this is a man who's an active hands-on father (feeding, bathing, taking out for activities), and who helps out around the house. Not because he has to, but because he loves his kids and his wife, and it gives him joy to do so. Let phupho mess with her own kids lives - you just ignore her.
Making or not making tea isn't a measure of mardangi/manliness - since jo achi chai banake pillata hai, usko peenay waalon ki dua'ein milti hai. Next time don't make tea for her.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
Ignore your phupee. In my opinion, it's a very backwards, low-class way of thinking. My dad has always helped my mom in the kitchen. My MIL taught both her boys how to cook, clean, and even basic gardening! My hubby routinely helps with cooking (he's actually a MUCH better cook than me) and cleaning in the house.
You were taught good manners and clearly were taught to treat your wife as your equal. This is a good thing. Don't let people like your phopee destroy that part of you. As long as you and your wife are ok with your behavior....that's all that matters.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
Reminds me of the time I went to Pakistan with my family. I asked my Father where a certain cream had been packed & his family made a fuss, saying my Mother made my Father pack luggage etc.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
my dad does everything round the house with mum, cooks, cleans etc. He is much better at making chicken karahi then my mum! When I bring tea he helps me serve it.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
ignore what people say. Nothing is wrong with a man making tea, even if his wife is around. Nothing at all. GIven that your wife was otherwise busy, I think you did the respectable thing by providing tea to your guest.
Some people just look for something wrong where everything is fine.
