Well my MIL and her brother came over yesterday and my wife was too busy talking to her Mum and mamoo so I thought I’d make a cup of tea for them.
My phopo was here too and when she saw me in the kitchen making tea for my susraal she was a wee bit annoyed seeing her bateeja doing what she called auraton ka kaam and that too for my susraal.
When my saas and her bhai left my phopo made a fuss about it to my mum that she hadn’t taught her son to act like a man. She called me a jhoru ka ghulam and what not. But what surprised me the most was when she said I had become my susraal’s tabeydar (“abhi sei hogaya unka chamcha”) and I was being a ghar damaad? Not that I see anything wrong with the idea of a ghar damaad (not that I want to be one, lol) but I don’t see how making a small cup of tea for your saas makes you a ghar damaad. Nor am I a “Jhoru ka ghulam”. My mama just told me and my wife to never mind. “Abida baaji ko to aadat hai batey bananay ka”.
Note: I have been born and brought up in the West, but I understand the culture of Pakistan since I have been raised in a very traditional family. Have been recently married.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
wth does she want you to punch your wife around or something???? Cz, like, only a moron with that kind of mentality gets offended at an act of making tea.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
Well my MIL and her brother came over yesterday and my wife was too busy talking to her Mum and mamoo so I thought I'd make a cup of tea for them.
My phopo was here too and when she saw me in the kitchen making tea for my susraal she was a wee bit annoyed seeing her bateeja doing what she called auraton ka kaam and that too for my susraal.
When my saas and her bhai left my phopo made a fuss about it to my mum that she hadn't taught her son to act like a man. She called me a jhoru ka ghulam and what not. But what surprised me the most was when she said I had become my susraal's tabeydar ("abhi sei hogaya unka chamcha") and I was being a ghar damaad? Not that I see anything wrong with the idea of a ghar damaad (not that I want to be one, lol) but I don't see how making a small cup of tea for your saas makes you a ghar damaad. Nor am I a "Jhoru ka ghulam". My mama just told me and my wife to never mind. "Abida baaji ko to aadat hai batey bananay ka".
Note: I have been born and brought up in the West, but I understand the culture of Pakistan since I have been raised in a very traditional family. Have been recently married.
It doesn't look good and one should not make it a habit.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
It doesn't look good and one should not make it a habit.
Thank you for proving my point.
Ok. Though my mind still fails to comprehended what exactly makes it not 'look good'.
The reason your mind fails to comprehend it is because there's nothign wrong with what you did.
Your in laws came over, you made chai. That's called being nice/polite. Being nice to your wife or her family is nothing wrong with that. and again....only someone with low intellect or thinking thinks it "doesn't look good"
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
My mama just told me and my wife to never mind.
.
^This. No point dwelling on it.
As for your question about why Abida Baji thinks it's "not good" ...it's because what you did goes against her beliefs about gender roles/image. She sees serving chai as strictly a female role and seeing you serving it led to assumptions/doubts about your position and authority in the marriage. That said, I doubt that she's only disappointed in you. I wouldn't be surprised if she also views your wife as irresponsible, lazy, etc.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
Ok. Though my mind still fails to comprehended what exactly makes it not 'look good'.
It looks like you are whipped. Even you're wife is there yet you are making the tea and serving it. If you act so subservient then soon you will start to be treated that way by your in laws. If you don't mind being below their feet then it's fine but if you want to be respected I wouldn't advise it. Today you are making and serving tea tomorrow you will iron her clothes the next day you will wash her underwear. But anyways, it's your life.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
[QUOTaggirl;9508896]It looks like you are whipped. Even you're wife is there yet you are making the tea and serving it. If you act so subservient then soon you will start to be treated that way by your in laws. If you don't mind being below their feet then it's fine but if you want to be respected I wouldn't advise it. Today you are making and serving tea tomorrow you will iron her clothes the next day you will wash her underwear. But anyways, it's your life.
[/QUOTE]
This is called B$$.... so how is yourangrysex fiance who wants to beat you up.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
wth does she want you to punch your wife around or something???? Cz, like, only a moron with that kind of mentality gets offended at an act of making tea.
It looks like you are whipped. Even you're wife is there yet you are making the tea and serving it. If you act so subservient then soon you will start to be treated that way by your in laws. If you don't mind being below their feet then it's fine but if you want to be respected I wouldn't advise it. Today you are making and serving tea tomorrow you will iron her clothes the next day you will wash her underwear. But anyways, it's your life.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
It looks like you are whipped. Even you're wife is there yet you are making the tea and serving it. If you act so subservient then soon you will start to be treated that way by your in laws. If you don't mind being below their feet then it's fine but if you want to be respected I wouldn't advise it. Today you are making and serving tea tomorrow you will iron her clothes the next day you will wash her underwear. But anyways, it's your life.
Thats exactly what my phopo said. Except the underwear bit.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
dude. if you hadn't made chai, she would make a fuss why you didn't make chai. women like to create an issue out of everything...
btw technically, joru ka ghulam would be the correct term, use of "ghar damaad" is like super phail.... abida baji was high may be.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
^^ Please keep doing what you are doing because you seem like a gentlemen and a good husband and your mama raised you to be a good person. Tell mama to tell your phuppo to take these pagal pan ki baatain elsewhere.
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
You just need to turn a deaf ear to people like this. What you did was very sweet. I grew up in Pakistan and my dad would do everything if needed, as in if my mom was busy/ill/very tired. He would iron clothes, make his tea etc and there was nothing emasculating about it. No one every said anything, except one day when he we mentioned how he washed the dishes when my mom was ill, and this Aunty (my mom's sister) objected. We just ignored her.
Your wife is lucky to have a husband like you :)
Re: Does making tea for your susraal make you a ghar damaad?
It looks like you are whipped. Even you're wife is there yet you are making the tea and serving it. If you act so subservient then soon you will start to be treated that way by your in laws. If you don't mind being below their feet then it's fine but if you want to be respected I wouldn't advise it. Today you are making and serving tea tomorrow you will iron her clothes the next day you will wash her underwear. But anyways, it's your life.
Um, yeah. And your fiance is a very manly man, because he threatens you, right? Now I get why you're still with that fiance of yours. You're idea of the real man is really twisted.
OP- you did nothing wrong. Even though my dad grew up in Pakistan, he's always ready to help out my mom and us in the kitchen as well. My husband helps out around the house as well. What you did was considerate and showed that you're a good man. Helping out around the house doesn't make one whipped. It just makes you a nice caring guy.
