Our friends and relatives frequently ask us to be on the look-out for a suitable rishta for their brother, sister, son, daughter etc. Some are in Pakistan, some here, some within family and some outside. And we (i.e. me and my wife) usually promise to let them know if we find someone suitable. And we often do.
I was reading Afia’s thread and it reminded me again that there are people out there who are so looking to get married to the right person. Thing is, if you know someone just on the internet, and have never met them, nor have ever talked to them (talk as in phone), is it odd to try and connect them to someone who is looking to get married?
Other than the fact that we hardly know much personal info about the person we are referring to to be able to base any judgement, there is also the fact that when the other person asks “haan ji, tau aap kaisay jaantay hein inhay?”, what do we say “oh ji, woh internet pe mulaqaat hui thee”. Does it feel odd?
IMO it's not odd to refer about people on internet.I have seen people use matrimonial sites for good match.
The only difference is .... to search a perfect match on those sites, people use to register there and here you'll refer them about someone .Rest of the things they'll finalize.So i don't hink it's odd. :-)
^ You have a point. The thing is, in those matrimonial sites, people are generally finding rishtas for themselves. It just feels weird recommending someone for marriage when all you know about that person is his/her cyber-character.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Faisal: *
what do we say "oh ji, woh internet pe mulaqaat hui thee". Does it feel odd?
[/QUOTE]
I can't say anything about you, but I will speak for myself and my parents.
Yes, if I met a girl online, it'll feel odd telling my parents, however, they wouldn't disapprove her. So let me speak for the majority of parents.
Majority of parents, especially desi parents, do think it's odd and utter nonsense. It's just like we think it's nonsense how most of our parents got married (without seeing and spending time with each other before getting married). I guess as time passes and internet grows and becomes common, the younger generation (me) will think it's OK if our sons/daughters met their spouses online in the future..
For all we know you might have sent Faisal tons of PMs.:o I have set up exactly one successful rishtha , actually that was just a recommendation on my part, my Ammi took it seriously ,and it actually happened.I helped.:o I know Im not married, but does that have anything to do with it?
You mean you havent asked your Ammi yet?Do ask, Im interested to hear all about it.
TH —I do recall some, give me details next time Im on msn.
This indeed seems awkward, IMO. Its basically a question of trust at the end of the day and nowadays its difficult to trust a person you know in real life; meeting people on the net and forwarding information, of course with their permission is a bit risky.
If you don't trust an individual, there is no need to get invloved I believe. Srangely enough, I won't mind saying that internet has become an extension of our daily lives. The way this rishta business is fraught with difficulties, questions of trust and deception; things are more or less the same when you talk about meeting and believing a person sitting onthe other end of the optic fibre.
Albiet, there is some exageration here but what I have heard and read on this board is that there are sites that cater to peoples demands solely for this reason. I don't know, its shady, its risky but where do we draw the line, perhaps we shouldn't even come close to eachother at the very first instant.
The most important question is what do you tell the other person??? If you yourself are invloved or whether tis someone else you are trying to help... does saying Oh, well, I know him her from the internet seems alright?? thats a million dollar question.
if u r referring to someone jin k betey/betyaan mashallah se khud se hi number one cyber geek ho toh i think its OK
aaj kul kuch mod ammiz and abbaz apnay bachon k rishtay khud naseeb pe beth k dekh rayay hotay haen aur shadi online type k progs mein fakhar se participate ker rahay hotay haen
lekin if u r referring to some very khandaani kisam k log jo apnay bachon kee shaadi pichli das pushton ka shijra dekh k kartay haen waghera waghera and rakh rakhao is very very important to them and their kids themselves think internet is haraam then i think they might think it a bit sketchy…in fact even more dangerous they might think u r sketchy for being a cyber lurker
kyun k aise bhee log haen who think all this is weird
[mein toh kabhee kabhaar darr darr k hi logon ko batati hoon abt my cyber addiction inhi wajaon se coz u never know how the other person might perceive u]
is lyay pehle khat ho bhaanpein lifafa dekh kar aur phir kadam aagay barhaayein
lekin no doubt, nayk kaam hae mashallah se
p.s. whats the obsession with shaadi on GS these days? seems like jahaan jaaon yahi mozo milta hae logon ko *crying
"mein toh kabhee kabhaar darr darr k hi logon ko batati hoon abt my cyber addiction"
:D Yeah, ppl use anything against you when they're desperate.
"haan ji, tau aap kaisay jaantay hein inhay?"
I never thought about that, hampf. I always say GUPSHUP se jaanti hooN, some ppl assume its some kind of club etc others ask phir I make it sound like a dars-gah :o No seriously compared to many other places, GS is relatively easy to explain. Waise bhi if ppl trust you enough to ask you to look for them they should trust your sources as well. Bagi sab tau qismat ki baat hai.
It's just as awkward as placing an add in a news paper.
just last night me n hubby were discussing the same ....n i admit its difficult!
but still it depends n it is different from person to person.....there r some ppl on this site ...i really respect a lot ...!
i know i just know them from cyber world but still ....i assume them being as fair with me as i am !
i don't know the level of respect for me here ....but i am really thankful to some nice members who trusted me n took my words for all this !
there is absolutely no guarantee .....even in the cases where ppl know each other in real life ....things can go bad there too .....but again i'll say one thing :
my intentions r good .....n i do have the fear of Allah miaN if nothing else ...!!
i don't think its hard to find out about me ....i'll provide all important details about me n my family ....if i find someone serious !
plus i don't think someone can be quite the opposite of his/her cyber personality .....decent ppl remain decent everywhere
n if someone has bad intentions or want to mislead ....he will get punished if not here then hereafter !
i feel myself under the oath of being a Muslim....!:-)
i don't want to force anyone but if you r comfortable sharing any info ...you can !
Faisal, you brought up a really interesting topic. Let me share my 2 cents on it:
I know that a lot of people had their marriages set up successfully, because they got referred to or their spouse got referred to by someone. However I would not have felt comfortable to get married that way. Just a personal preference though. That does not mean that I have anything against marriages set up even by some “rishtey waali maasi”. :k: to them.
Coming back to the topic of rishta reference via someone you know from the internet. As Afia mentioned there are some people on GS whom I have great respect for. For example let´s suppose I would be looking for a spouse for my brother. (Btw, he is far from getting married yet, as he is only 12.) Now let´s say there is one recommendation from a distant relative whom I know personally (“Khala ki behn ki nand” or something like that) and one from a Guppie like Faisal. I´d go for option number 2.
I can never tell my relatives that 'mai un say internet par mili thee, kisi chatroom/msg board par'. People would right away assume that you have a lose character and it won't be long before all sorts of rumours will be spread throughout family and friends.
In fact, I wouldn't even tell my close friends barring a few. Majority of the people simply look down upon finding someone on the Internet, be it through a message board, chatroom, or a matrimonial site.
Suppose you meet someone on a matrimonial site, how would you take it to the next step? Would you take the risk of meeting him/her in person, or swap pictures, or webcam?
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