Re: does beauty matter after getting married?
I agree with Angel Eyes........that it's good to want to look attractive for your spouse. It certainly can't hurt the marriage.........and it might add that extra spark to an already stable and happy relationship.
I also agree with Ziya that one should want to look good for oneself. Allah has given us our bodies as a blessing and we should take care of it. It's not healthy to base all our approval/validation on one person's acceptance of us. That's why I feel that taking care of yourself for YOU is very necessary for the development of healthy self-esteem. Plus.......many of the basic "beauty maintenance" rituals are connected to health. For example, looking "fit" is not only more attractive......it's also conducive to physical health.
While physical attraction is undeniably one of the factors in choosing a mate.......it should not be the sole factor. In Islam.........we're advised to chose someone who has iman and good character. With the passage of time, beauty will diminish. But personality is more permanent. And an attractive personality radiates from within.
I've seen some very good looking women......whose beauty starts from their heads and ends at their feet. It doesn't go beyond that. They have very little to offer besides physical beauty because their personalities are so off-putting. And that's sad.
And while Islam does allow men to have four wives........this permission comes with an admonishment. While Allah KNOWS **that men have stronger urges, he also **KNOWS that it's hard for them to treat multiple wives fairly. Another point to remember is that the Prophet SAWS did not engage in multiple marriages for lust. He was married to Khadija RA who was about 15 years OLDER than him........and during the time of their marriage he was faithful to her. He didn't consider another marriage because Khadija RA aged faster than him or because of her possibly diminishing beauty. Her married OTHER women after Khadija RA's death to form alliances, strengthen bonds within the community, help spread Islam, and offer protection to widowed women. ** LUST **was not the priority here.
When we start making excuses like "Oh we can't help it, that's in our nature, we're weak".........we are allowing/encouraging/justifying ourselves to become weak and powerless. While some tendencies might be in our nature..........we've also been endowed with common sense and compassion and a conscience and will power for self-control (lowering the gaze). Plus.......a marriage should be a mutual relationship. The responsibility to maintain oneself should not only belong to women. Husbands should maintain themselves as well.