okay as some of you might have read my earlier posts that my in laws were moving in and i had quite a few concerns which many of you bashed me for and many of you supported.
Needless to say they moved in and my MIL took over my kitchen, and many areas of my lifestyle even trying to become a mother for my kids within 24 hours. My majboori is that i have to keep my mouth shut atleast for 8 weeks i am preparing for a professional exam which i must pass at all costs but with all the crap going on i don’t think i have a chance.
Anyhow suddenly now that they are here–the reason for this post i was wondering if anyone is dealing with this problem and/or knows how to avoid it–
now that the parents are here my house went from quiet peaceful haven to an “open house”–brother in law one just dropped in without notice with his wild kids and it is crazy in the house–then once he leaves the other one is supppose to drop in a midnight–what the hell–and i heard my MIL telling him on the phone “so what if they sleep early we are awake go ahead come”–i am sorry for these very reasons i had my concerns–and now i am in the middle of it–so they will drop in at any given time with or without notice–how the heck am i going to prepare–going to the library is not practical for me–i have about 50lbs of books and many straight hours of studying and my library being in downtown takes away alot of study time in trying to find parking, food, …etc.. etc…and drive time
ack. At this point I dont think theres much you can do within your house. Would it be possible for you to short-term lease another place, like a pied-a-terre (very small studio, some cooking facilities)? Then at least you'd have a peaceful place to go.
Otherwise, you or your hubby are going to have to sit down with the in-laws and lay things out clearly for them - whether they clutch at their hearts and call for an ambulance or not! They need to know that you need to have a peaceful uncomplicated household in order to complete your professional goals and that wild kids and visitors at midnight just dont fit the type of environment that you need to have.
How is your hubby handling all this? Is he willing or able to step in a bit here?
well the thing with another place for me to go to is that i can't leave my kids on her alone--i rather leave them with the babysitter--(although i am never comfortable) seriously--for example the first day she came went in my son's room after i put him to bed--and then came out and said isn't his night light too bright---ummmmmm hello i have been putting him to bed for 9 and half years i think i know--another example--
anyways back to open house thingy---they are still here it has been 2 hours--i m sure they will wait to eat dinner and then leave--so i pretty much can't study or do anything for that matter---
i know alot of people bash me but c'mon my MIL was in the kitchen cooking within 24 hours--i mean could she have waiting ??
okay so they just finally left--ok i don't have problem with how many people eat but yeah she just took out for my BIL and packed it for him--okay since his wife is gori and doesn't cook at all--yeah so that should be his problem and then everyday she is saving food freezing it for him from our daily food--and just gave me him like whole weeks' worth food--i know know--i am not being stingy about the food but still--today's dinner was for us--and it is proportioned for the 4 of us right now--for tonight and she just gave a big portion to BIL 1 and later the other will come and he will eat so basically we will be short food for dinner so now at 9 pm i am expected to cook something--
i m seriously my MIL Is needed with them his wife doesn't cook , or do anyting--and this happens all the time--we had all these issues before and it is like de ja vu!!
and please people don't get me wrong--it is sawab if i can feed another couple of bodies but this is ridiculous
As for your exam, study. If that means no dinner, then no dinner. Tell them that you can only do so much work - I would study and let your MIL cook until the test is done. And MIL can work with your hubby on getting enough groceries and money for the groceries.
Your bedroom is still your domain. Lock yourself up in it and study. And don't do anything for anyone - they ask anything of you - sorry, its not happening, I have to study.
From your posts, it looks like you have a lot of bitterness (against your in-laws) bottled up inside you.
And if you have much studying to do and your MIL has taken over your kitchen - isn't that a good thing ?
You remind me of one of my friend's wife...who got so pissed off with the arrival of her in-laws that at one point she actually threatened to report them to the police for harrasement.
Anyways, nobody here knows enough about your situation to make a judgement call.
Ms Jas....there is really good advice here....is it possible at all to follow any of it? If not, then I guess all you can do is blow steam - which DOES help actually! But its not the best answer to the problem at hand, yeah? I wish for you to find the strength, courage etc to get this truly resolved. In either case, let us know ok? If you want to just come back and blow steam, we're here! But I truly hope that you can work with your hubby and really resolve the situation before - as Ms Muzna said - it explodes.
i think maybe if you tried to take all this in lighter way u actually may be able to get on with studies and relax more.
dont stress about the arrival of ur in laws and actually let ur mother in law do everything so that u can concentrate on ur studies. if she wants to cook let her , aks her to help u out . id say take full advantage.
also if she gives u any comments dont tke them to heart just correct her nicely.
i know it is horrible when someone interferes in ur household , however by u stressing problems may become worse.
sheesh, send her over to ME lol!! She can take over my kitchen to her hearts content lol lol!! AND deal with my 3 little boyz, 2 big doggies and wild kitty-kat!! She'll be running to Pakistan before the sun sets:D
Displaced seems to be an understatement--yes you truely understand "wanna be mum"--help--before they were here i was able to have breakfast send the kids off to school and sit and study--since my husband basically is home at dinner time i was able to worry about that later in the day--after getting at least 6-8 hours of studying--now it is 1pm and we just had a half hour discussion of what should be cooked for lunch--yes they don't have early lunches either--then after lunch it is green tea time, then tea time then with hour or two break it is dinner time then fruits and then green tea time---
my day today started with having to get refills on meds for them--and calling DRs--yes so how the heck am i suppose to study keep in mind i have to make runs for quran for my kids and ofcourse--when MIL is cookign seems like we run out of grocery every other day--
my kids are feeling it too they can't express it but are walking around fidgetty in the house instead of their usual routine--
some may call this bitterness but unfortunately this is reality for me right now--it is happening to me as we speak--it is not about me being bitter it is me keepign it all in to avoid arguments--and fights --because they simply don't understand the concept of communication they take it negatively and we have tried in the past instead of solving the problems it opens up pandora' s box--and we end up in worse position.
take advantage of the fact that she is taking over the kitchen and taking care of your kids right now.....you need to focus on studying for your exams. Look at it in a positive way (for now).
I remember saying this in another post before.......
"listen to what she has to say without arguing or talking back but do what YOU want in the end"
Sorry to hear that your in such a situation..
May everything works out for you and your family. Really hope that you do pass your professional exam, Insha'Allah!
I don't get it. Why not just sprawl out with your books as usual, in your normal routine. If they want things done, then they can ask their son to do it for them, or do it themselves.
Again, have you spoken to your husband and have you guys come up with a plan? You have to study. Find someway to do it. Sit down with your books and don't budge even if they ask you to - you tell them, you're busy and you're studying, and call your husband.
If you do it in a nice way, it shouldn't be that big deal at all.
I agree with others in regards to making the most of the time of the studying as your MIL is looking after the kitchen and the kids even though you might not feel comfortable with it.
Also, even thought i have issues still with my MIL, i would advise against talking to your husband. Talking from experience it will only cause problems between you two and things could get worse. You will just have to grin and bear it. If she insists and makes comments in return to your comment that you are studying, just try to get the point across but remember politely. This is what i do, you have to be firm otherwise things are taken for granted and you get hurt in the end. Dont answer back to her! I am sorry that you have to go through this but beleive me alot of us have to unfortunately shut up for the sake of our relationships and husbands and bear with it!
I disagree - you can definitely talk to your husband about how the changes are affecting your studying, and how you feel less free to be yourself at home. That's not attacking his mother. At least, he can help you find a solution. Maybe encourage the mom to take more frequent shopping trips so the wife can have some alone time.
I can't imagine being married to someone I couldnt talk to! Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. The most important one in your life. And even if the situation doesnt change, if the 2 decide that theres nothing to be done about it, well you still have the support of your partner. And that goes such a long way in easing any burden. PCG, your suggestion abt getting MIL out and about was a really good one! Get her out to do marketing, maybe even get her to volunteer at a meals-on-wheels or at an elder-care facility or something....
Ms Jas, I do feel for you and know how very stressful your situation must be....but I dont understand the whole thing....are you looking for advice? Or just support? And has any of the advice here been helpful? Hang in there!
