Re: does anyone have an"Open house" problem
no matter how understanding and nice ur husband is he will never hear a word against his mother , he will understand and agree with u but his reply will always be she is my mum and it is my duty to support her when she is old. i dont know how much of dt applies to ur situation but i feel it is best to cope with it as she is ur saas and she will keep on coming around ur house.
Re: does anyone have an"Open house" problem
Miss mizz, you're right abt the hubby's feelings toward his mom but the wife is not asking him to disown her or throw her out in the street yeah? She is an energetic, not-yet-senior-citizen who earns her own living and is quite capable of living on her own. Of COURSE she'll keep coming around, that was never in question here. Its that MIL is creating a very stressful environment in an already stressed household and its quite unnecessary. So the thing is, the situation needs to be addressed in some way.
Re: does anyone have an"Open house" problem
yes i understand that the situation needs to be addressed in some way , we at the moment are in the same situation my dadi my mom's saas is a horrible person she creates so many fights in the house over food , sleeping and practically everything . we have tried everything argueing wid my dad fighting wid dadi but at the end of the day she is still here and we hve to respect her so what we do is just give her respect but not more than . because if we r too nice to her den she gets very rude.
but ms jas u cn understand ur sitiuation the best way .
Re: does anyone have an"Open house" problem
lol Miss mizz! I have a similar situation too! My mom is splitting her time between my house and my sister's. She's can be SO mean....when she's here, she picks on my middle son and when she's at sis's, she picks on my BIL. :( Neither of us has said the first thing to her since she's especially sad right now, so soon after the passing of my dad. So we just smile and take it yeah? What else can you do? But its working out kind of, I mean she just gets so fed up here, then she goes to my sisters. Gets too fed up there so she comes back here. And life goes on. I hope when I get old INSHALLAH I will still be a happy person. Cause I told my hubby if I turn into a mean-old-hag then take me out in the back yard and SHOOT ME.
Re: does anyone have an"Open house" problem
oh god , yeh same here my dad tells me dont be mean she is old but i am like dt is no reason to be mean . aww it is horrible for her to pik on ur son , my grandma piks on me she just hates me because i am gettin married to a person that she wnted for her daughter's daughter . lolz mamof3 how is married life do u n husband still share quality time ( sorry so off topic )
Re: does anyone have an"Open house" problem
Its tough getting old I guess. Maybe we'll understand when we get there but I hope and pray that I'll still hold on to being generally happy and NICE!!
Its hard to squeeze in quality time, but we do actually manage! Its funny, we just "finished" the back of our garage, it used to be a workshop but its now a really nice office/living room type of place. It came out really nice, we worked our tails off to make it that way! So we do have a separate area to go off to when mom acts up. And we go off camping often in the nice weather. I'd really love to have more quality time that we do, but I try to just enjoy the moments we get yeah?
Re: does anyone have an"Open house" problem
awww how nicee mashallahh , hope u stay dt happy always.
yeh i guess it is hard when ur old but i hope i will always stay cheerful and nice to my kids . id love to go camping too with my hubby well when he becumz my hubby . thanks for ur reply its good hearing ppl enjoy married life as all u hear is noo dont get married yeh ho jayega ya woh ho jaayega
lolz
Re: does anyone have an"Open house" problem
Yes i appreciate all the support and words of advice that i am receiving here. What am i looking for? well out of respect and to avoid confrontations i am keeping my mouth shut and for the sake of my exam as well. So when everything piles up instead of exploding i get some comfort in venting out my thoughts and feelings here at this post--while i am doing this i also take into considerations so ideas and advice that i get from you wonderful guppies--i also certainly helps to have words of support--and alot of time it helps to know that i am not alone in these issues--
as far as my husband he is one of the best husband's a girl can ask for (and no i am not just saying that) but just like he is a wonderful husband he is also a great son--which with these issues is becoming a problem--yes ms. MiZrani i agree--no matter what he understands, he sees the issues, he is having to adjust himself with them and issues but he says what am i suppose to do--they have nowhere to go--if they go to paki..they have already made up their mind that they will get sick then we have to go get them anyways--
the problem is that the inlaws instead of realizing that hey this set of son and DIL are the only ones that will take care of us so we need to make sure we don't do things to disturb them--they have basically moved in with the attitude that we are here now adjust to us and deal with it--if you try to talk to us we won't understand--get upset and threaten to go to paki(which ofcourse meanign we will 100% get sick)...
i guess due to the farz, duties, responsibilities and respect we are kind of stuck with the situation but unfortunately at this time due to my exam we really can't speak to them adn be prepared to deal with consequences--
but i will tell you atleast it relieves me a little just to get some stuff of my head---
so thanks for that..........
Re: does anyone have an"Open house" problem
We're a loving on-line community. :D
Re: does anyone have an"Open house" problem
I just had my in laws staying with me for 1 week and i learnt that as with all other relationships, one must be forgiving and just move on instead of picking on them. Witih in-laws its difficult to always be urself and i experienced that they took many things for granted but I have just ignored it..
MIL made dinner for us cuz they have early dinner and we came home from work after their dinner time. MIl really wanted to show her care towards me and even though I m the kind of person who dont want intruders in my own kitchen, I still let her take over cuz it was only a matter of a week.
But I guess I wud deal with it differently if it was for a longer time!
I think you should talk to your MIL that u have exam coming up so u need time to study and that u appreciate her work in the kitchen but u wud really appreciate it if they also showed concerns to ur study time!
Re: does anyone have an"Open house" problem
Chameli - Great points - what works for a short term visit doesn't always wokr in the long term. When my in-laws used to visit we basically just let them have their way in most everything, but when they were living with us they expected the same treatment, and expected to be catered to 100% the same way that we did when they were visiting. It was very very very difficult, but my husband was finally able to draw some boundaries. They didn't like it, and chose to move back to Pakistan. When you have mulitple adults who are all healthy and active living in the same home, there have to be ground rules and a reasonable division of labor. Since there are extenuating circumstances right now, with White Jasmine studying for exams, then everyone else in the house should be supportive and ensure that she is able to do so. When another adult in the house has a situation, then he/she should be accomodated. The only way for a joint family situation to work out is for all of the adults to be respectful of one another's boundaries and divide the work equally.
I forgot to mention finances. This deadbeat brother-in-law should be paying rent if he absolutely HAS to live in your home. He shouldn't be given a free ride just because he is too lazy and spoiled to get a job. Your husband's parents should also be contributing to household expenses if they are able. If your father-in-law is working, then that makes it easy to contribute, if he's not, then perhaps they have other assets or money that they can pass on to help out your husband somewhat. It is extremely difficult for one person working in the US, UK, or Canada to support in your case 5 adults and at least 2 children, while saving for college, emergencies, and so on.
Re: does anyone have an"Open house" problem
I find myself losing patience completely for relatives moving in. This is not Pakiland and life is just not condusive to living in extended family - unless of course its a family where there is open communications and understanding which is very rarely the case. My mother just left me after 17 days and it was utter hell. I waited on her like she was the queen of sheba yet she did nothing but complain and snipe at me and my middle son. I've had it, I'm fed up. If an elder wants to move in, they will have many welcomes into my household but if they make everyone in the house miserable, then they can go elsewhere. My middle son is a great kid but after a week of his nasty grandma, he starts chewing his nails to chopmeat and waking every night with nightmares. The harder he tries to get her to like him, the more annoyed she gets. Elders have a responsibility to act like ELDERS. If they act like children and disrupt the entire family then all bets are off.
Re: does anyone have an"Open house" problem
Mama - I am sorry to hear that you are still having problems with your mother. I can handle the sniping at me, I'm a big girl, and will eventually retaliate, but I will not listen to unwarranted criticism and all out attacks on my children, nor will I allow someone else to parent them. All homes have (or should have) house rules, and everyone in the home should abide by those rules. Yes, our parents took care of us, but when we broke the rules there were serious consequences. There has to be give and tkae in these situations. My oldest daughter is obsessed with her skin color after our visit last summer and doesn't want to play outside anymore.
One of my grandmothers lived with us for awhile, and she was a saint, and really added so much to our home. The other lived with us for a short time and went out of her way to make life difficult for everyone, especially my mom. Old age is no excuse to be bad-tempered and rude.