i think ( not sure) that a rishta came for his sis in pak, and maybe he knows about it, i found out because his dad phoned to tell my aunt whose his dads sister, and he said that once my aunts back in pak, they will discus furhter, i only heard a glimpse, but im assuming now all those talks my husband was suddenly calling from work might be due to this, now if he knows about this, why hasnt he told me yet…im ready to rip into him again, its taking me time to calm down, i know im wrong too, i shouldnt expect this, but why am i feeling so crap that he couldnt tell me if he knows, is this normal, has anyhone else experienced this, or just stuff you dont tell each other that happens within your own families…
Re: do you tell your spouse everything that happens in your own family..
he didnt feeel it appropriate to share ... as the rishta thing is still in progress ... he mst b thinking lik when we finalized somthg then wil share it with uuu ....
Re: do you tell your spouse everything that happens in your own family..
Nadz chill out woman
A lot of people prefer their bhabhis not knowing until something has been confirmed. It’s a bit stupid if you see a rishta and it doesn’t proceed from there, no? My mamus did NOT tell their wives of my khalas rishtas either until they were finalised. It depends on your family. Sometimes people are scared from family members who are spiteful and would create unnecessary problems. She is you husband’s sister. He has lived with her for most of his life. You haven’t.
Maybe he didn’t think it was such a big deal?
Re: do you tell your spouse everything that happens in your own family..
If its upsetting you this much just ask him - he may have his reasons for not telling you or it might have just slipped his mind as nothing may me concerete. I would suggest that if you chose to speak to him don't attack him, he'll just get defensive....
You should talk to him about your problems. No one on this forum truly knows you; advice is one thing but it seems you’re posting the details of every objection you have with him on a forum without actually talking to him about it first.
Perhaps he wanted to save you stress and anxiety because you’re pregnant; perhaps he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you at this particular moment in time because he thinks your hormones make you overly emotional; perhaps he wants to wait till a good time. Point is, you’re judging his intentions, thoughts and actions without clarifying them with him first.
He’s your spouse for God’s sake; the Quran describes spouses as ‘garments for one another’. You should really, really, really sit down and talk it out with him.
Rather than compounding the problem with these self-perpetuating one-sided slinging matches.
Re: do you tell your spouse everything that happens in your own family..
Yeah we sit in front of the fireplace with a hot cuppa cocoa and halal marshmallows with our planners and go over each and every detail of what happened all day. Yah.
just tell him you overheard it all and put your curiosity to rest. i think he just didnt wanna excite you any frutehr than you already are.. or stressed... with a baby due so soon.
Re: do you tell your spouse everything that happens in your own family..
Nadz...as someone who has watched a dear friend have a miscarriage, I'm asking you to stop nitpicking. If not for yourself, then for the sake of your child. Because if you stress yourself out enough, you CAN complicate your pregnancy. I'm not trying to be an alarmist...I'm simply telling you that it's a very likely possibility if you don't take a deep breath and STOP stressing over minor issues.
And this is a minor issue.
It's his sister's rishta. Meaning it's none of your business, whether you like it or not. I don't care what our culture says about involving the entire family...unless his sister (or your husband) feels comfortable sharing it with you, then there's no reason for you to know the details. How do you know that your nand didn't expressly request her parents and siblings to not say anything about this until things are finalized?
Also, as someone who has watched the same dear friend's family torn apart (and there's a good chance this is why her miscarriage took place, though I admit this is speculation on my part) due in large part to some of her family members raising absolute hell that they weren't "involved" in her personal/rishta decisions, I ask that you think very carefully before you go to hubby and start something over this.
RELAX!!! Eat lots of healthy and delicious foods. Make lists of names. Drool over cute baby clothes. Read the Quran. Get lots of sleep. Enjoy your pregnancy. Be happy Nadz and stop fretting over everything.
Re: do you tell your spouse everything that happens in your own family..
im ready to rip into him again, its taking me time to calm down, i know im wrong too, i shouldnt expect this, but why am i feeling so crap that he couldnt tell me if he knows, is this normal, has anyhone else experienced this, or just stuff you dont tell each other that happens within your own families....:(
1) The aunt has to go back to "discuss" things........so this rishta isn't even concrete or final. It's far from being a commitment. It's up in the air. It's a hypothetical situation right now. Maybe that's ONE possible reason why your husband hasn't said anything about it. Perhaps he might discuss it if the rishta became more serious. And I know people like that.......who prefer to keep quiet or mum (yes, even with relatives) about a rishta.....that's nothing more than two families meeting for the first time....that hasn't developed into anything serious. No big deal.
2) You husband was at work. Maybe he didn't feel like discussing it because .....he was at work and didn't have the time. Maybe he felt that if he talked to you about it......that you'd ask him one question after another......leading to a long phone conversation.....that he cannot have.....because he's busy at work.
3) You did recently create a thread where you mentioned being upset about your husband's lack of interest in spending on your family. You also said that you and him "were not talking" regarding this issue. PERHAPS...........your husband is still upset over that argument.....or he hasn't moved on from it well enough to discuss a new family topic with you. Maybe he senses or feels that you don't care much about his family.......and is hesitant to share news with you.
4) You didn't give him the benefit of the doubt, Nadz. You don't even know why the reason why he didn't tell you about the rishta.....all you can make is assumptions......and you were ready to "rip into him." Now perhaps your feelings are a result of the pregnancy and your hormones being out of whack. OR MAYBE.......you had a tendency to blow things out of proportion even before becoming pregnant. And maybe that could also be a reason why your husband didn't feel like sharing with you. And it's a possibility that makes sense. It's human nature. If we notice that someone makes an issue over every little thing......or can't be open-minded/patient/tolerant about things......we become selective over what news we want to share with them. I know I've done that. Many of us do that. So.......your own behavior (making a mountain out of molehills) could be affecting your relationship. If it hasn't now......then it could in the future. It won't be doing wonders for your health.......especially when you're pregnant. And....getting impatient/worked up over everything can't be good for your iman either.
5) You've mentioned more complaints about your in-laws than compliments. You've griped more than gushed about them. You're not close to your MIL or your SIL. I might even understand if you and your SIL were super "tight".......and in that case, the secrecy might seem more offensive. But since you're not even close to being best buds with her.....why get so worked up? I don't think it's the rishta news itself that's bugging you. I think you fear the idea of your husband being more close to his own family. I vaguely recall you creating a thread on this. It's like you fear that you'll be "excluded" or be an "outsider" if he doesn't share everything with you that they (his family) already know about........irrespective of whether or not you even like his folks.
Re: do you tell your spouse everything that happens in your own family..
Wait a minute, weren't you in another thread complaining about how your husband spends all his time and money on HIS family whom you don't care much about? And now you are complaining that you weren't informed about an event that happend in that same "other" family? Here's a hint, sometimes our attitude is a lot more apparent than we think.
