My late Nani-aami was a pushover, however when she wasn’t able to stick up or her children/or stick up for herself in front of family she made it clear that is wasn’t because she didn’t want to, it was because my grandfather was very vile towards her and always threatening her with divorce.
Unfortunately the abuse that was taken by my nani aami has effected my mother, and two other aunts. They don’t take any stick/flack and sometimes can come across as abrasive. I don’t have a relationship at all with certain family members, because when abuse has been thrown at me (by say mums cousins) I’ve asked for them to either tone it down (politely) or direct it at someone who gives a hoot. They don’t like the fact others are willing to stick up for themselves. I’d describe them as bullies.
I’ve decided that Inshallah I will simply keep my children away from those who clearly take a disliking to my mum/husband/me rather than trying to force a relationship that may turn bitter as not all relationships are plain sailing.