Jolie, maybe in your insular world you have little idea of how things work in the rest of desi society.
Some people do give everything, expected or otherwise, in a heartfelt way. But in social norms most things are expected. The bride is expected to bring furniture, she is expected to bring a suitcase full of clothes, her parents are expected to give her jewellery, a watch for for groom is normal now days so therefore expected, jewellery for the mother in law, joray for certain relatives. I think it's quite telling that all the gifts are generally presented on the rukhsati day in front of guests. And vice versa, the groom's family are expected to give certain things to certain people, not just the bride.
If something is expected and being exchanged because custom demands it, I personally don't think it's a gift.
By this logic even if gifts given on birthdays, anniversaries, graduation day or marking any other big day or event aren't considered 'gift', since it is a "custom" to give out something on such occasions.
I don't agree with gifting the entire khandaan, but I see no reason why it should be so offensive to gift bride and groom especially by their own parents and parents in law....if I can afford a good gift for my daughter/son I'd certainly present it, whether it comes in a form of jewellery or dinner set or both why should to be labelled jahaiz when I don't mean it this way?
Look, I am NOT personally talking about your family. Are you really that ignorant to not see these problems outside of your own little family circle? Hardly anybody gives jehaiz or buy tolas worth of gold out of sheer happiness and total peace. This tradition becomes an obligation for the poor in our country. If this isn't fulfilled, people talk crap about them "haye, us nay yeh nahi diya,, haye us nay woh nahi diya"... Tuanting like that does take a toll on people!
Yes, it is jehaiz because nobody else gives furtniture, tv, car, and stuff to the bride to take home on her wedding. I and my sisters that got married did not get jehaiz, I strictly told my hubby I didn't want jewelry. To me Jahaiz giving= gold jewelry receiving. I and my hubby did our ENTIRE wedding. NO jehaiz or gold jewelry in sight. All elders felt at ease, there was no pressure on either side except for the bride and groom. They enjoyed our wedding.. :)
I can't fight your narrow mindedness and generalised views, we often take food to my sister's house and I bet even thats considered part of jahaiz/show off/ labelled and tagged gesture.
Just like you gave personal example to make a point, I gave mine to illustrate a view, neither your example is a norm nor mine yet they they do exist. I think healthy to acknowledge and appreciate them instead of suppressing them down by throwing all sorts of unnecessary negativity...
Last time I checked, those gifts are usually surprises. It's not like there is a custom to give a gold set on a girl's 18th bday or something like that.
there’s a big difference between gifting a GOLD set, a car, or furniture and buying a small gift for someone’s birthday, anniversay, or whatever occassion it is.
So you don’t consider that part of jahaiz?..pheww.
So only expensive things are considered ‘jahaiz’…dude I’d be freaking pissed if my MIL said that to me! Haha..imagine someone making real life thread on this…
Well the wedding is a bigger occasion than all of those occasions combined so obviously the gift’s going to little *hateke. *
I simply have no problem with people giving expensive gifts to the couple on their wedding (not the entire khandaan) or to anyone on any particular occasion if they can afford it.
I'm pretty sure you wouldn't need to imagine. There are plenty of arranged marriages don't even last a day because the "gifts" were not as expected/up to the mark.
Someone I know was having an arranged thing and it broke off shortly after the engagement because the girl's side said they expected a diamond ring, not a gold ring and set (as is more customary in Pakistan) and the joray were not expensive enough. It's more likely that they used this to cover the real reason but then that makes you think that what kind of society is it that this seems a more acceptable reason to break off an engagement.
These problems certainly exists in Pakistan, no denying. But the things within Pakistani community residing outside of Pakistan are quite different, I feel our attitude, expectations and thinking even within the basic cultural parameter a lot reasonable and harmless than the norms back home. It can be quite irritating to be blamed and tarred with the same brush and it can be confusing.
I love gold jewelry, as long as it is not yellow-gold and heavy. I love my mom's heirloom jewelry, it is timeless and gorgeous with great sentimental value. I plan on wearing that on my big day.
OMG !!! I loooooooove gold !!! and should right so.... my entire family is in the business of gold jewelry...basically I just LOVE jewelry. So much so tht if god asked me if u want to get married or have **** loads of jewelry i would choose jewelry !!
But like some one said not the "mallu" kind of gold which have pathetic "kaarigiri" and is all yellow yellow. We buy the gold from Bahrain and have it made in Bombay !! And most of the time we give it that antique finish , its called "kaala paani chadhana" so tht its not flashy flashy yellow.
The stuff that u get in India is MINDBLOWING !!!
Specially "temple jewelry" and "jadau". The kind of stuff "Amrapali" makes !!!! I have posted numerous photos in real weddings to show different kind of jewelry.
I have a small but absolutely enviable collection !!!
But why expect it to begin with? then it's not wrong for larkay walay to expect jehaz either. That's all I am saying. They are both wrong to have any expectations.
See...let me explain it this way;
IF i was the mil/fil, i would feel i have been blessed with a new family member so i should greet them with all my love and respect and accept them as a family with all my heart. And as a token of my love, i would like to gift them the family asset which can be jewellery or whatever.
IF i was the mother/father, i would feel i have to give my child part of my savings/assets on which she has a right.
Simple.
I don't know WHY would the mil/fil be concerned with what the bahus/damads parents are giving them and vice versa.
I can’t reason with you, woman. Food is CHEAP! gold isn’t cheap, jehaiz is not cheap.
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