In answer to the question, yes I do somewhat like gold jewelry (though it must be simple and sleek in design), but not nearly enough to justify the trouble that it causes. I appreciate that in older times gold was a female's asset so that if she were ever divorced / put in difficult financial times, she could rely on her jewelry to get her through. But alhamdullilah, I think I can provide for myself without relying on it. Besides, diamonds are better!!!! :D
Yes, they might consider giving cash and a car which is again considered** jehaiz**.
What you're calling jahaiz on an internet forum, they (they people who matter) call it a 'gift' in real life, so be it. It'd be pretty pathetic to argue over what should be considered jahaiz and what is considered a gift according to one person's perceptions.
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"Nobody spends that much on groom's watch, ring, or suit unless the girl's family is really well off."
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And you have conducted ground breaking research to say that? Dude the world goes lot beyond your nose, not every thing has to be all black and white.
Yes them kinds certainly do, so where did pull out the 'nobody' from?
^so then why the fuss over gold jewelry and jehaiz? if it's a gift why do they keep talking about it for the rest of their lives, "humne jehaiz main yeh diya tha, humne itna sona diya..blah blah"
Jehaiz and gold jewelry are NOT gifts, they are too expensive to be gifts. In what other culture do you see this as a norm? People don't get married and expect to receive a car or a bunch of gold.
Again I ask, is it right to expect such expensive "gifts"?
^so then why the fuss over gold jewelry and jehaiz? if it's a gift why do they keep talking about it for the rest of their lives, "humne jehaiz main yeh diya tha, humne itna sona diya..blah blah"
Some people give it as jahaiz and some probably don't. Fortunately that crap really doesn't exist in my family, gold jewelery is not considered jahaiz and women are not always wailing about it. I'm sorry I don't have any spicy cheap gossip to ease your nerves.
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Jehaiz and gold jewelry are NOT gifts, they are too expensive to be gifts.
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So everything given by girl's family has to have the tag of 'jahaiz', it can't be anything else, right? This mentality stinks, why can't well off people just give their daughters' whatever gift they like however expensive it maybe without people moaning jahaiz jahaiz jahaiz....if they the family don't see it as jahaiz, the inlaws don't see it jahaiz who are the bloody outsiders to get their knickers in a grand twist? Does it matter what is received, what is given? Seems like some idiots just don't wanna let go of this concept.
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In what other culture do you see this as a norm? People don't get married and expect to receive a car or a bunch of gold.
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Arabs maybe?
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Again I ask, is it right to expect such expensive "gifts"?
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No if they come, they come. A gift is a gift, they don't have to have come with any tag, expectations or grand value.
Do you? Do you care if your inlaws don't/didn't gift you any? If not then why do you care who keeps it? If yes, then did you bring jehaz worth the amount of gold jewelry given to you as a gift? Isn't it a double standard to expect gold jewelry from husband/inlaws but not bring jehaz with you? Do I have it all wrong? Please explain...
I see more and more girls disliking this trend. It's a good thing I suppose.
I don't care if my in-laws gift me gold or not. If they want to, great. If not, I don't mind at all.
My grandmother (she is no longer alive) made a jhoomer and tika for me that I prize and that's all I care about. I'd love to pass it on to my daughter someday, Inshallah.
I will not necessarily take jahez with me but I might take my jewelry that my parents made for me.
I actually do like gold...in moderation though. I don't like wearing huge things...I like smaller and tastefully done pieces.
Some people give it as jahaiz and some probably don't. Fortunately that crap really doesn't exist in my family, gold jewelery is not considered jahaiz and women are not always wailing about it.** I'm sorry I don't have any spicy cheap gossip to ease your nerves.
**
So everything given by girl's family has to have the tag of 'jahaiz', it can't be anything else, right? This mentality stinks, why can't well off people just give their daughters' whatever gift they like however expensive it maybe without people moaning jahaiz jahaiz jahaiz....if they the family don't see it as jahaiz, the inlaws don't see it jahaiz who are the bloody outsiders to get their knickers in a grand twist? Does it matter what is received, what is given? **Seems like some idiots just don't wanna let go of this concept.
**
Arabs maybe?
No if they come, they come. A gift is a gift, they don't have to have come with any tag, expectations or grand value.
It's funny how rude you are. Is this personal?
Again my question: Is it right to accept such expensive gifts? And regardless of how your family is, those "gifts" do come with a tag and they try to outdo each other in "gift giving". Seems such a pointless tradition, no? Why not just get rid off it? Gold jewelry and jehaiz are both very costly and add unnecessary obligations to fulfill. Maybe we should stop expecting to receive gold jewelry just as we have stopped expecting jehaiz (to an extent).
Again my question: Is it right to accept such expensive gifts? And regardless of how your family is, those "gifts" do come with a tag and they try to outdo each other in "gift giving". Seems such a pointless tradition, no? Why not just get rid off it? Gold jewelry and jehaiz are both very costly and add unnecessary obligations to fulfill. Maybe we should stop expecting to receive gold jewelry just as we have stopped expecting jehaiz (to an extent).
Thank God I can't relate to any of that crap, I'm sorry if you've been through all this. I have seen my sisters. cousin brothers and sisters getting married and yes in our family we believe in giving quality gift not the gifts to outdo the other party. But I know you are way too bitter, frustrated and in and out anti desi to even acknowledge that there are families who don't blindly follow the troublesome traditions and norms and do things out of happiness and total peace, they have their own rules and way of operating. We gave our sisters a lot of 'gifts' on her wedding and for their married life, but since we are the cursed desis so it has be 'jahaiz', it has to have tags, it must all be a for a show, it has to be totally no love no concern but a big fat blind yes to the traditional norms? Does that make you happy now?
Sorry Jolie, but that's the reality. You come up with some good points but no one likes reading posts full of sarcasm and taunts so keeping your tone a bit down won't do no harm.
I feel like opening a thread called why anything or everything given by bride's side has to be considered 'jahaiz' even thats not how they see it, why the society is so hellbent on giving it a label?
.....jehaz includes the gold jewellery for her alongwith the gold gifts for her inlaws.....its not that she brings no gold or very little gold from her parents and expects a lot from her inlaws.......
WTF? When did I say I have been through any of this? I come from quite a liberal desi family. However, I have seen this a lot in my extended family and among desis in general. How can you even deny this doesn’t happen? How old are you?
Am I really the bitter one here? There’s nothing wrong with wanting to correct problems within your own community/society. It’s better than acting like it doesn’t happen.
Look, I am NOT personally talking about your family. Are you really that ignorant to not see these problems outside of your own little family circle? Hardly anybody gives jehaiz or buy tolas worth of gold out of sheer happiness and total peace. This tradition becomes an obligation for the poor in our country. If this isn’t fulfilled, people talk crap about them “haye, us nay yeh nahi diya, haye us nay woh nahi diya”… Tuanting like that does take a toll on people!
I can’t believe I am having to explain myself in such great details.
Yes, it is jehaiz because nobody else gives furtniture, tv, car, and stuff to the bride to take home on her wedding. I and my sisters that got married did not get jehaiz, I strictly told my hubby I didn’t want jewelry. To me Jahaiz giving= gold jewelry receiving. I and my hubby did our ENTIRE wedding. NO jehaiz or gold jewelry in sight. All elders felt at ease, there was no pressure on either side except for the bride and groom. They enjoyed our wedding..
I feel like opening a thread called why anything or everything given by bride's side has to be considered 'jahaiz' even thats not how they see it, why the society is so hellbent on giving it a label?
^ I agree with this! My parents gave each of us the same amount of jewellery - the difference is, my sisters got theirs to keep and be responsible for when they got married while mine is with my mom since we live in the same household (why should I pay for a separate safety deposit box). It is mine to do with as I please and I didn't have to get married to receive it from them. When I go out, I go to the bank and take out what I want to wear and enjoy it. It is a gift from parent to child and not jehaiz given on the occasion of marriage.
Jolie, maybe in your insular world you have little idea of how things work in the rest of desi society.
Some people do give everything, expected or otherwise, in a heartfelt way. But in social norms most things are expected. The bride is expected to bring furniture, she is expected to bring a suitcase full of clothes, her parents are expected to give her jewellery, a watch for for groom is normal now days so therefore expected, jewellery for the mother in law, joray for certain relatives. I think it's quite telling that all the gifts are generally presented on the rukhsati day in front of guests. And vice versa, the groom's family are expected to give certain things to certain people, not just the bride.
If something is expected and being exchanged because custom demands it, I personally don't think it's a gift.
.....jehaz includes the gold jewellery for her alongwith the gold gifts for her inlaws.....its not that she brings no gold or very little gold from her parents and expects a lot from her inlaws.......
.... i just read yours first post.....
I am talking about what their expections are from each other. The bride expects gold jewelry while the groom and his family expect jehaiz.
If somebody can afford to buy gold, considering the skyhigh price then it's their choice. But making it some sort of a cultural obligation is wrong esp if the other side cant afford it. And think before you horde gold. Zakaat bhi kafi diaini parti hai :p
