Everyone gives, or atleast should, according to their financial conditions. It would stupid of me to expect tolas of jewellery from a family who is not well to do and same way if i get into a family who is richer than us, why do they need to give out less just because my family can’t afford same as them. I am sorry but its not making any sense to me. People give according to what they can afford not according to what the other person is use to of especially when this other person is going to be part of your family.
^but that's what I am saying... expecting such gifts seems wrong to me. Gold isn't cheap. If rishtay walay expect jehaz, it's considered somewhat a taboo but nobody says a thing if the bride to be expects 15 tola gold jewelry. Double standard, no?
we have so messed up priorities. Only if we had followed Islam in true sense. We would we living better life without worries of Jahaiz, Bari, sonnnnnna, chandddiii....
But why expect it to begin with? then it’s not wrong for larkay walay to expect jehaz either. That’s all I am saying. They are both wrong to have any expectations.
we have so messed up priorities. Only if we had followed Islam in true sense. We would we living better life without worries of Jahaiz, Bari, sonnnnnna, chandddiii....
^but that's what I am saying... expecting such gifts seems wrong to me. Gold isn't cheap. If rishtay walay expect jehaz, it's considered somewhat a taboo but nobody says a thing if the bride to be expects 15 tola gold jewelry. Double standard, no?
You are assuming groom doesn't get expensive gifts at all, if there is no jahaiz? You are clearly mistaken and bored.
I like gold and I like jewelry (well I used to), when literally everyone around me was in the "less is more, simple jewelry is nicer " etc...I wanted teh big haars, the big sets etc for my wedding and I loved being blinged out when I dressed up.
I could say the same thing about bringing jehaz and bari stuff. Wouldn't you say families feel pressured to gift gold jewelry because of the old tradition/custom similar to jehaz-giving? Why is one considered somewhat a taboo and the other is still very much expected?
Yes you could and I agree.
And families being pressured to give a certain amount because of tradition is what I see happening. And whoever is saying the gifts (if you can even call them that) aren't compared obviously has their head in the sand. People always discuss and compare how many tolay either side gave, like it's some kind of insult if the other side gave less.
I had no jahez, no bari (and no rukhsati) and I couldn't be happier.
And families being pressured to give a certain amount because of tradition is what I see happening. And whoever is saying the gifts aren't compared obviously has their head in the sand. People always discuss and compare how many tolay either side gave, like it's some kind of insult if the other side gave less.
I had no jahez, no bari (and no rukhsati) and I couldn't be happier.
The "people" will talk even talk about sh**, if thats the point. But there are families who indeed give gift to their new member of the family without intentionally trying to match up to the value of the gift given. There's a fine line between giving the best gift you can afford and giving a gift as an answer back.
Do you? Do you care if your inlaws don't/didn't gift you any?
Honestly not bothered.. Altho there's the obvious thing about it going up in price I'd rather have something I'd actually use.. If I really liked a piece of jewellery I'd prob get too attached to it to want to sell it anyway.. Those heavy gold sets that ppl get don't appeal to me at all..
As expensive as gold jewelry? The only thing comparable to giving gold jewelry would be really expensive furniture aka jehaiz. :p
An expensive watch, ring, suit, cash, car etc? You can mix and match to "add up" the value of the gift receive, if there's some serious desperation. Is that how things work in your family?
An expensive watch, ring, suit, cash, car etc? You can mix and match to "add up" the value of the gift receive, if there's some serious desperation. Is that how things work in your family?
Nobody spends that much on groom's watch, ring, or suit unless the girl's family is really well off. Yes, they might consider giving cash and a car which is again considered jehaiz.
When I get married iA, I'm going to specifically request the other family not to give me any gold as gifts. This is something I've thought about for a while now and I'm quite firm about it. I have no idea how it's going to be received by others but meh!!
