Divorces

Are divorces really on the rise amongst Pakistanis? What are those divorcees going thru in your experiences in terms of picking up the pieces and moving on? Given that our society is not very supportive of divorcees?

Re: Divorces

Only in urban areas.
What are those divorcees going through I do not know but I know a lot of those never had a successful second marriage or third one.
In most cases women never got married.
I am sharing my personal observation it is not at all based on any authentic statistics.

Re: Divorces

We have some divorced females here in the Netherlands and I also know some in the U.K. amongst whom many did get married again. Some are happy, others aren't. But divorces are still frowned upon. (and yet, may Sahabi (ra) were amongst divorcees . . . )

I'm a divorcee myself and actually enjoy life better on my own. Yet, many people make a big problem out of that I notice. I'm actually going to have to lie about my divorce at work from now on. :( People from any culture don't accept that a female is happy, living on her own. So divorce is often an issue in many cultures around the world.

Re: Divorces

I don't really think it's Urban anymore.. I always hear my MIL talk about another couple who has had a talak back home in Karachi and it's always shocking to me.

I don't think where you live matters anymore.. but the single thing that I always find in most of these troubled marriages is lack of communication between the couple (often they never have time alone or had a very fast arranged marriage) and a a lot of interference by in-laws (can be guys or girls). I think most often, the in-laws are the ones to instigate the problems and cause the couple to fight and split up. I've heard of these cases repeat many times now and then it's not surprising to me why so many of the newer generation of adults don't want to live in a joint family.

Although I think living with in-laws can work (with proper boundaries and respect of privacy), I think nowadays people want to have their own space and not ask for validation or "approval" from their in-laws, which some elders may see as disrespectful.

And so, if these issues arise again in the 2nd marriage then it always ends the same way, unless the wife/husband is more submissive and lets things fly that the previous partner may not have.

Re: Divorces

Karachi is urban...

Re: Divorces

It's definitely becoming more common now.. I think many if not most remarry these days though..

I can't think of anyone I know personally (in our generation) who hasn't remarried.. There can be stigma depending on your environment but things are getting easier imo..

Re: Divorces

More astonishing thing is why its not more common.

Re: Divorces

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Don’t say that to a Karachi wala/wali, they will die laughing out loud.

Re: Divorces

men and women are easily replaceable....like phones, and laptops and cars

Maybe she is referring to the many pinds in karachi :cb:

Re: Divorces

Not sure about divorce but finally people have become more accepting with broken engagements at least. 25 years ago even that was a big NO NO.

Re: Divorces

Never on an emotional level. My children can't ever be replaced. Not even if I would have another child, even that one could never replace the ones I already have. Some of my friends are very dear to me and even though I don't see them often, I'd be sad if they wouldn't be here anymore, even I would have many many friends.

I guess it depends on how emotionally involved you are in a marriage or any other relationship.

Re: Divorces

My in-laws are from Karachi but not the couples I was referring to. Also I wasn’t talking about Karachi in general but that divorce is becoming more common for people back home like it is in Western countries.

Re: Divorces

There are places beyond Karachi.

Re: Divorces

I am a Karachi wala and I didn’t laugh at all because there definitely are many “rural” areas in Karachi with population in millions and divorce as a phenomena is equally on a rise in those areas.

Regarding OPs question, divorces are more common here because there is more acceptance in the society for divorced people as it was there in the past. Not many consider it a taboo anymore and most, if not all, divorced people get married again if they try hard enough.

Re: Divorces

the point was ....because we are all use to so easily replacing things...including jobs and homes...perhaps thats one of the key values that dictates our loyalties in other areas as well...

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I understand what you mean. And it can't be true in all cases as many people are emotionally involved, so that can' t be the reason. It's perhaps because people don't want to be stuck in nasty unhealthy relationships and nowadays with society evolving, there is slowly more understanding.

Re: Divorces

If you have sister, brother, son , or daughter you will not make such a sweeping statement.
The people who themselves or if their loved ones have gone through the perils of divorce and its aftermath would not the real impact of such an experience.

Re: Divorces

Yes, it is definitely on the rise in Pakistan but i see more divorcees getting remarry these days as compared to the previous days. people are somewhat now accepting the concept that two people might have have differences and things do not always work out between the couple and they split up.

Re: Divorces

That's true. It depends on your family and family friends too. The thinking is changing nowadays, luckily.

However, there are many people who prefer living on their own and don't want marriage at all. They are happy on their own. I'm hoping people will start accepting that too.

We have a strange view on this subject at the moment, perhaps because things are changing and there isn't one perception any more; many Pakistanis still don't like a divorcee, even many females don't like divorcees, then there is the other side, many other Pakistanis do understand a divorcee, they even understand if the wife left (somehow many people are still shocked when they find out the wife left and that she ran away from the husband, while they do accept if a husband leaves, how strange is that . . .) and then they insist that she should remarry, even if she is actually more happy on her own, enjoying the nice things in life; such as raising her children, spending time on her hobbies, could be anything such as creating something for example. To many it is strange that someone could be happy without having a partner in life, married or not, but there are so many people like that.

So we are seeing two extremes at the moment, one side not wanting anything to do at all with a divorcee (unless the divorcee is a man, men never have trouble, do they . . . ) and the other side not accepting that the divorcee refuses to remarry and prefers living on her own.

Perhaps when things settle down in the future, we will find out what the common view on this subject has become.