A much hammered topic, but the news of actor/director/producer/vj (???) Azfar Ali leaving his wife Salma (both popular from dramas like Sub Set Hain), and turning for some other girl Naveen (I’m so out of touch with the entertainment world, no idea who these rookies are), leaves me asking this question again.
How do you divorce someone you’ve been married to for 9 years and you have kids with? I can see how if you marry someone, arranged, move in with them, and are like WOAH, this is miserable, and you TRY to make things work, and you still end up leaving. But after being with someone for so many years, that person is the parent of your children…
Do people not see each other in a marriage as FAMILY? Is there still this view that the wife or husband is just a sex partner, or a visitor from an outside family, rather than as a full fledged member of YOUR FAMILY.
You don’t leave your mom. You don’t leave your dad. You don’t abandon your siblings (typically), even if they are difficult. Desis have one good thing about them - we’re very family oriented.
Then how the hell do you just up and leave your spouse??
I find it more depressing when this happens among ordinary folks like....us.
i believe some divorces are legit. i think people dont take such step until they go through certain situations. they would also have some concerns too. but it is really hard to find true story.
There was a time when I thought the same thing but now...not so much.
You never know the particulars of any marriage...and most of the time...things are not what they seem.
Marriages don't break overnight...it takes time and something things get so bad between two people that working out is not an option. Some people cannot forgive and forget that easily. Some can. Some can move on. Some cannot.
Doesn't matter, either way. I can't imagine leaving someone I've had kids with!
I feel the same way too. However, I am seeing a marriage of over 20 years fall part in front of my eyes these days. The kids are in their teens. From the outside, the family looks like they have it all made for them, in every way, financially, healthwise, careers, family life... but no. When I heard there story, I realized their is too much hatred in the hearts and when the hearts get hard, it's best to go separate ways.
Besides from a few OBVIOUS exceptions, I don't think there is any situation that divorce would be justifiable for.
Some people are even willing to forgive such transgressions.
To put it simply, if divorce is on the table, people will often reach at their weakest. A couple should just keep divorce out of their minds. It would be a testament to their maturity and commitment that they are able to work through the toughest situations, that they are able to love each other even when they hate each other the most.
Divorce should not be an option.
Ofcourse this is an idealised situation in which both parties are willing to make it work from the start and sadly this is often not the case.
So I guess I've kinda dismissed what I've just written.
I can't imagine leaving someone I've had kids with!
I don't think anyone chooses to have children imagining that they'll be divorced someday.
But when you spend years living with someone and realize that you're not happy....and when that unhappiness has an effect on the children....it's a difficult choice many make in order to improve their own lives, the life of their spouse, and also the kids.
As Reha wrote, NO ONE knows that particulars of someone else's marriage. It doesn't matter how well you think you know the couple....at the end, you see/hear that they choose to reveal. No one knows exactly what goes on behind closed doors except those two. It's very easy to imagine doing or not doing a certain thing when a person has never experienced that specific situation himself (ie. a unhappy marriage in this case).
^ Deeba, whether its celebs or ordinary people......we still don't know what a couple goes through behind closed doors. Even with celebs such as these....we love to gossip and pass judgments....but none of us know for FACT what really happened. Heck with celebs, often we know even less b/c we rely on "reporterrs" to give us the info. Most of us have never even met the couple in real life.
I feel that regardless of how miserable one is in a marriage, a divorce must still be a very hard decision to make. Perhaps it's due to this reason that some people continue to be in unhappy marriages, rather than walking out of it.
No one arrives at the decision to divorce overnight, or even in a short time period. A person can try everything to make it work, and sometimes it just doesn't. There are many situations in which the children are better off and even happier afterward.
A much hammered topic, but the news of actor/director/producer/vj (???) Azfar Ali leaving his wife Salma (both popular from dramas like Sub Set Hain), and turning for some other girl Naveen (I'm so out of touch with the entertainment world, no idea who these rookies are), leaves me asking this question again.
How do you divorce someone you've been married to for 9 years and you have kids with? I can see how if you marry someone, arranged, move in with them, and are like WOAH, this is miserable, and you TRY to make things work, and you still end up leaving. But after being with someone for so many years, that person is the parent of your children...
Do people not see each other in a marriage as FAMILY? Is there still this view that the wife or husband is just a sex partner, or a visitor from an outside family, rather than as a full fledged member of YOUR FAMILY.
You don't leave your mom. You don't leave your dad. You don't abandon your siblings (typically), even if they are difficult. Desis have one good thing about them - we're very family oriented.
Then how the hell do you just up and leave your spouse??
Now hold on. That is conventional wisdom in Life1. The typical responses being: you'd be better off.... it's not worth sacrificing your own happiness just because you have children...
The more (financially and otherwise) independent people become, the less willing they are to make an effort to keep a relationship (not just a married or familial one) going. I am from a small village and have seen this happen to some degree in my own lifetime. My father's generation has seen a dramatic change in people's attitude towards their relatives, neighbours, biradri and other people in the village. Nobody really needs anyone else anymore.
