Is it wrong to ask a divorced man what he’s learned about what makes a marriage work and what he’s learned about himself and how he’s a better person now by self improvements he’s made?
It would be good to be around someone that’s already been through marriage and seen all the bad along with the good that comes with something as difficult as marriage.
Would a man get angry if asked that?
Re: Divorced man
Why would it be wrong?. If someone asked me, i wouldn’t get “angry”. In fact..i’ll be happy to share negatives, positives and what i learned. And it’s true divorce people in general..if they are sane and right minded individuals..can give you very good insight into marriage..that is because they have lived through that experience.
Re: Divorced man
It is too much ans ask what he learned, but asking a reason of divorce should not get him angry. I can assume divorcee have learned , in his divorce he may be a victim of his wife or vice versa.
Re: Divorced man
I don’t find anything offensive about the question; it’s a valid one.
Re: Divorced man
I think it’s a great question and not one any person should be offended at. You’re trying to understand how the experience has helped them grow or better yet, changed their perspectives and priorities. I would think better than asking someone WHY they got divorced (which is still a fir question) is asking them how the experience has changed them.
Re: Divorced man
The reason I ask is because of the divorced men I’ve spoken to, they always say the fault was of the ex wife. These weren’t abusive marriages or nothing extreme but most of the time, they usually point out she and I were totally different or after she came to this country, she got a job with my help she wanted a divorce and now she’s married to some other guy…
Sometimes in those cases people don’t look inwards at all. Why did the wife leave or was there any adjustment made on his part or was it always the wife compromising on everything. There’s always another side.
One of these guys was very uncompromising when it came to just meeting for the first time. I had to do everything as in fly over or drive over. He was not willing to come so that kind of person obviously has not changed or improved much at all. He also wasn’t willing to see how some of his suggestions were just out of the question since we are practically strangers still.
One other divorced guy was completely closed and didn’t even want to talk about something like that. As in “what kind of a negative question is that”? Completely steering away from answering anything regarding his past.
Re: Divorced man
^ The question you posed in the first post is a very valid question and if I were considering a divorced man for a rishta, I would def. ask something similar. A divorced man’s reaction to this question (whether good or bad) should give you a very clear idea as to what kind of husband he will be in the future.
Re: Divorced man
Someone wise told me it takes two hands to clap…a relationship works the same way. It’s a very valid question, just like you would ask “what qualities/characteristics are you looking for in a wife?” If one can’t answer about their own divorce, s/he is simply too immature…or still in pain.
Re: Divorced man
Global Gal..in my opinion. Just know that if any guy/girl who has previously been divorced and isn’t upfront honest about it…to me it is huge red flag. Unfortunately, regardless of gender..divorcees must be honest and really tell what actually happened and leave it up to Allah. If someone would matter..they will be able to better balance things out.
Again, like i said…huge red flag if they haven’t told you exactly what happened..no matter how much uncomfortable one might be. Uncomfortable..due to..bad experience or it is too hurtful. But honesty is the best policy,…it gives fair and clear view of perspective as well as..tells a lot about a person…
Re: Divorced man
Just the fact that he thought it was a “negative question” would be a red flag to me.
Anyone that experiences adversity in life and refuses to discuss/learn from it is missing out on the lesson that he/she was supposed to learn.
Re: Divorced man
If you were recently divorced would you still not mind it?
Re: Divorced man
Personally i wouldn’t ask i would be too wary and cautious not to upset the person. However if i knew the person better and they usually give me advice using their divorce as an example i think i might ask them.
Re: Divorced man
Isn’t it unlikely that a person who is “recently divorced” would be entertaining proposals?
Re: Divorced man
Oh sorry, i thought this was just asking a random man; not someone you are interested in.
Re: Divorced man
Its a personal question and Iwill not ask anyone a personal question unless I reach a certain level of comfort with the person. Divorce may involve a lot of pain & trauma, people may not be open to talk about it and asking these questions you may sound like nosy aunty who pokes her nose into everything.
Re: Divorced man
Depends on situation. Everyone is different. By recently divorce you probably meant sometime ago like a year or 6 months?. Well in that case, it also depends on whom am i talking to. If i am interested in someone or someone is interested, then sure i will be able share details. And i also would share details if someone is genuinely looking for advise or suggestions.
Some people, i learnt that..it is just plain fun and entertainment for them. So..only share details you think someone can either learn from, close friend or if anyone is interested in you.
Re: Divorced man
It’s not what you ask, but how you ask it
Re: Divorced man
I don’t think so. At least I wouldn’t AND I think its a great question.
You are basically putting his divorce (which many are ashamed of) in a positive light and asking him to share something he learned from it.
Re: Divorced man
One of my friend was divorced 2-1/2 times. I wonder how could make a question for him.
Re: Divorced man
ejactly!!!