i think one of the hardest decisions in life …which i really hope noone ever faces…is whether a marriage should end or not. when it seems like no amount of communication will help…when neither person feels they are right for each other…or even when one person knows deep down that things will not work out even though the spouse does their best to make them happy…
i have never seen extremely simple cases where the guy dumped his wife because of his family’s pressure or something…but rather i think its a long and difficult process…
seeing as how there are not many people here who are divorced (or will admit that they are), its hard to get an insiders-perspecive.
well am divorced from my ex mrs - i will admit it to anyone - in my case i think it happended for a reason and i learned alot from my prvs marriage - inshllah nxt marriage hope it to be a understanding and much better -
**true...sometimes divorces are wreckless, in anger, for stupidest reasons...
islam shows us the RIGHT way to divorce which gives us cooling off period and achance for re-conciliation thru relatives [its recommended that seniors from both sides of the couple mediate to find a way to reconcile] but, ALAS! we don't do this these days...we want the fastest way out and forget the islamic requirement to give divorce over three menstural periods so if the worst happens then the woman's iddat period will be reduced by the same amout of time. those people don't have heads on tehir shoulder.**
i think one of the hardest decisions in life ...which i really hope noone ever faces...is whether a marriage should end or not. when it seems like no amount of communication will help...when neither person feels they are right for each other...or even when one person knows deep down that things will not work out even though the spouse does their best to make them happy....
i have never seen extremely simple cases where the guy dumped his wife because of his family's pressure or something...but rather i think its a long and difficult process...
seeing as how there are not many people here who are divorced (or will admit that they are), its hard to get an insiders-perspecive.
i am a divorced women ...justa fter 5 months of marriage
There are some people that will never know the real reasons because they werent made privy to those details. The ex's never even explained and left. This is extremely difficult because you dont even know what you did wrong. You dont know what to do or where to go. There is no closure - just a shut door. Thats mental torture.
Then there are some who traveled that long and hard road to try, try and try again to make things work but to no avail. They havent had it any easier or harder, just longer.
Admitting it to someone who you are considering as a potential partner is mandatory. But a lot of people dont like to talk about their divorce with just anyone because of the pity people will give and of course, the judgements. As much as we would like to believe our society is evolving with education and technology, some things never change. A woman is always looked at as "used goods" or "bichari". Who wants to hear that when you've already done so much self-pity? I always say "as long as you're happy, Im happy".
But yes, I agree with CE that if things arent working out...then leave and leave now. Dont stay until your dignity is in shreds or you have lost all faith in men. Try when you see the other person honestly working even a little bit in your direction...but let go if you are the only making it work.
^ and then theres the third situation, of being married for 3, 4, 5+ years, regardless of whether it was a love or arranged marriage, things have steadily become sour.
when there are no children, should the couple just give up?
Comon. With ANY relationship, there are strains. Even if you look at your own parents, it gets old living with your parents. Eventually, you little birdies have to fly away from the nest right?
Aren't there times when your siblings drive you INSANE?
But do you leave them forever? Do you abandon your duty to them as family? No.
So why can't we think of spouses with the same mentality? We're just not raised to. We have come from a culture where brides are easily dispensable, and from our richest waderas and chaudris, to our politicians, we see this as an example.
That person you marry is your FAMILY. You wouldn't leave your sister out to hang, so why would you do that to your wife?
Same vice versa.
I friggin marry, I ain't leaving that sucker for anything. Unless he is beating me and putting my kids in danger, I am not leaving.
I don't know why people enter into relationships thinking there is a choice in that matter?!?
There are times when you know that it just isn't working out. Should you call it quits? Well....it does make it easier when you don't have dependents.....but that shouldn't be the "get out of jail free" card.
I think one should try every avenue or means of resolution first. When you are satisfied that you can stand before Allah swt one day and answer for why you chose the least appreciated option and when you can justify it by showing that you explored every possible path to reconcile then, and only then, should you consider calling it quits.
There are times when you know that it just isn't working out. Should you call it quits? Well....it does make it easier when you don't have dependents.....but that shouldn't be the "get out of jail free" card.
I think one should try every avenue or means of resolution first. When you are satisfied that you can stand before Allah swt one day and answer for why you chose the least appreciated option and when you can justify it by showing that you explored every possible path to reconcile then, and only then, should you consider calling it quits.
Exactly. Marraige is a huge step and responsibility. In our culture especially, this is an investment not just between the husband and wife but the families as well. Only when there is no other option and every avenue was exhausted, is div the remaining option.
I hope Inshallah I will never have to go through this when I get married and hope none of you guys do either !
Its easier said then done when the circumstances are not in your control.
I dont think its a good idea to leave a marriage before you've exhausted all resources but what if the other person leaves you no option?
First of all in a marriage it is rarely ever a one-sided decision......except in extreme cases. In those you have no choice but to accept and move on.
Where the other person leaves you no option......well.....it depends....how is the other person leaving you no option? Is he/she just plain walking out? Then you have to refer to the first paragraph -- accept the situation and move on.
hmm.....that's an interesting situation......if they stop talking to you there is little that you can do except perhaps share your feelings and thoughts in writing. I would encourage the person that has been alienated do that. At least that way they will have tried everything possible.
Have someone else talk to them.....if they will listen.
If someone just wants to go then there is little that you can do to make them stay. It sounds like the person has already made up their mind and are closed to potential resolution. The bigger issue is that this didn't happen overnight......must have taken some time......perhaps efforts made now are too little, too late.
I might be heading for divorce. Reasons are already very well known to all of you. From my perspective top most reason is security and future of my daughter. Then the inhumane treatment I have suffered thru out my marriage.
I just hope and prays it never happens with anyone. It's not good and it's painful , only the one going thru it knows abt it.
hmm.....that's an interesting situation......if they stop talking to you there is little that you can do except perhaps share your feelings and thoughts in writing. I would encourage the person that has been alienated do that. At least that way they will have tried everything possible.
Have someone else talk to them.....if they will listen.
If someone just wants to go then there is little that you can do to make them stay. It sounds like the person has already made up their mind and are closed to potential resolution. The bigger issue is that this didn't happen overnight......must have taken some time......perhaps efforts made now are too little, too late.
Even if this is true...the other person has an obligation to communicate their feelings to their spouse...thats only if they ever wanted to make the marriage work. If they dont, they cannot blame the other person for such and such because they failed to do their part to address it like a mature adult.
If I dont like the way he talks to me, then I need to tell him. How else will he know what he is doing might hurt me? The same rule applies to him.
Its not possible to be married and be the only one doing the work...its a two way street and efforts should come from both sides to keep it together. Why be married to someone who doesnt want to be married? Why be married just to be able to say "Im married"?
No one likes being divorced but it seems a better solution then being married to someone unhappily.