Divorce is a devastating thing to happen. It shatters your dreams and makes you miserable. You become very angry and question Allah...why me?
However once you give it some thought, you realize that there are two choices...either lay down and play dead...or to get up and move on with your life. You seek solace in the fact that Allah had better plans for both of you and could not see two of His beloved people in misery...so whatever He did, He did it for your best.
One should definitely give some time and reflect on the mistakes he/she had made and not to repeat them again. After things settle down and you're ready to get involved in a relationship, one should really get to know the other person and have good understanding of each other. It's all about managing expectations, so make sure that both of you get to know each other well enough. Every one is different, so come to terms with it...ask yourelf if you can overcome it and compromise, but don't expect the other person to change...otherwise it creates problems.
May Allah help everyone who has to go through this difficult process...give them strength to move on and bless them with happiness, InshaAllah.
am in the process of divorce to, in marriage i was selfless, giving 100 percent total comitment, time and money, i did not care of myself, its only when the ex left, that i started focusing on myself, and am begining to enjoy life, moral is improve yourself, be happy life is short
am in the process of divorce to, in marriage i was selfless, giving 100 percent total comitment, time and money, i did not care of myself, its only when the ex left, that i started focusing on myself, and am begining to enjoy life, moral is improve yourself, be happy life is short
Eagle, Im sorry to hear of your divorce...it isnt be easy to go through and Ive been there myself.
Excellent advice though! Focus on yourself and the rest will follow. Become a better human being and leave the rest of Allah swt. He is going to take care of you no matter what and always has a better plan than the one you've got.
but people what happens to the kids i agree that both partners find their soul mates where do the kids go?
Lilly, thats an excellent question, one that even I didnt raise yet. If both parties love the children enough to put their differences aside for them, then the children can actually still grow up as healthy individuals. Its when parents start using kids as pawns that things get nasty and they put their own at risk.
oh mamaof3, my comment was just a slip of the tongue.
i am right in saying this thread was inclined more towards wanting responses from those who are/have been divorced.
Sure, divorcees can probably shed light on some issues single people may not have experienced or gone through. However, sometimes a fresh approach helps too. What might have occured to you may not have occurred to someone else.
Th-th-that that don't kill me
Can only make me stronger.
Also interesting is how differently divorce is seen in today's culture. For hundreds of years inc & after the time of the Prophet and the rule of the Companions, divorce was given left and right, so easily, seemingly without a second thought. And there were no real repercussions to them, or to society. And this was with the understanding that "Divorce is the most hated of the lawful in the eyes of God." But they were still doing it, so much so, that we have all these Islamic laws pertaining to divorce!
Divorce is still different things in different places ... Arabia and Pakistan?
Th-th-that that don't kill me
Can only make me stronger.
Also interesting is how differently divorce is seen in today's culture. For hundreds of years inc & after the time of the Prophet and the rule of the Companions, divorce was given left and right, so easily, seemingly without a second thought. And there were no real repercussions to them, or to society. And this was with the understanding that "Divorce is the most hated of the lawful in the eyes of God." But they were still doing it, so much so, that we have all these Islamic laws pertaining to divorce!
Divorce is still different things in different places ... Arabia and Pakistan?
Saarim,
The great Kanye West...lol. Nevertheless, what he says is true.
Divorced women in Arabia and Pakistan have barely any chances socially. I dont remember being around any divorced women as a child. Meaning, they arent accepted with open arms...interesting hunh?
Im not sure about the men but from what I see, they have it easier than women do. Why is that? Its scary but it seems to be true...any thoughts?
Why do I see divorced men having an easier time trying to find a mate vs divorced women?
On a serious note though....you would need to build on your self esteem before actually contemplating another relationship....otherwise you may end up in one where you constantly fear whether you are good enough or not.
In a strange way I would be scared...yet stronger because I know who I am and what I want....and what I want is to be accepted the way I am and not to change for anyone...except myself.
The great Kanye West...lol. Nevertheless, what he says is true.
Divorced women in Arabia and Pakistan have barely any chances socially. I dont remember being around any divorced women as a child. Meaning, they arent accepted with open arms...interesting hunh?
Im not sure about the men but from what I see, they have it easier than women do. Why is that? Its scary but it seems to be true...any thoughts?
Why do I see divorced men having an easier time trying to find a mate vs divorced women?
Okay, I feel like I'm back in 5th grade and being lectured by Mrs. Hillmieger on how to do my assignment. The only thing missing is the sound of Mrs. Hillmieger's pantyhose rubbing against her thighs during those hot summer days. Shudder.
What if Mrs. PSquared is really Aunty Gulrukh, trying delicately to diminish her rather strong, Pathan features, while sounding like a hip, mod chick from America? Double lives are not that uncommon.
Anyway, back to the topic....
It's not "scary" to think that men have it easier than women in finding women. Scary would be if men with fangs were finding it easier, or men that dressed in drag found it easier. It's a case of how our culture is, but men have it tough too. Just ask around, and you'll see what I mean. It's no easy road for men either.
**Yes, it is scary because men can be complete tools and still find someone managable. Ive seen it! Correct me if Im wrong…how many stories do you hear of 55 year old women marrying 20 year old men? **
**Im asking…do men have a harder time finding a mate after a divorce? **
On a serious note though....you would need to build on your self esteem before actually contemplating another relationship....otherwise you may end up in one where you constantly fear whether you are good enough or not.
In a strange way I would be scared...yet stronger because I know who I am and what I want....and what I want is to be accepted the way I am and not to change for anyone...except myself.
^^Dont know if that makes sense to anyone???
It makes complete sense Aly. I think we start to realize people dont change and dont want anyone to change us either. We start to look for individuals who are going to be compatible with us in a more practical sense rather than idealistic. Thats not to say everyone who gets married sees stars all the time but whatever unrealistic notions we might have had start to go away.
I know you are joking about the fatter wallet but anyone who marries for money soon realizes its not enough. If my husband is rich but completely insensitive to me, there are only so many purses I will buy before I get tired of both...him and his money. I didnt even realize it but I would shop like a mad woman. And my beautiful purchases meant nothing to me later because they symbolized all of my pain and frustration.
omg you are so right ladies....vhen i vas married to first husband, ve vould spend over 1000 dollars monthly on dinners out, much more on clothes, had pretty house vith veekly gardeners to mo and trim...the house i have vith my current hubby is not nearly as pretty, not nearly as big but it is a happy home...not a house but a HOME. ve have had so many people come in and say that there is such a good peaceful and loving feeling here in this place... and vat a difference in life that surely is. that is vat matters i think. i had no prob at all leaving my vork and my really good income because thevork that i do raising my boys is so much more important ... and even more important than that is ...my hubby agrees ith ho i feel about this.
not to vorry about finding a mate....find yourself. the rest vill come inshallah. i think there is a prince for everyone out there somevhere. and vhen you find him...the one that fits you and vhat you vant...ho likes vhat you like....ho thinks as you do...then you vill find vat i vas lucky enough to find.