Marriage is a bet. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
In desi society, there is a tradition of carrying abusive relationships and its considered as something positive about a person’s character who goes through all the trouble, but don’t dare to end the relationship.
There are people who consider it an achievement for desi society that it got low ratio of divorces.
Do you think its really an achievement to have low divorce ratio and society is inside suffocated due to domestic violence?
What are the factors that had made divorce a social taboo in society?
Desi culture has been changed a lot. Divorce is not same as it used to be back 20 or 25 years ago. I can see maturity in sense of ending relation instead of keeping unhealthy or abusive relation. I personally know those people who were in abusive relation, but got married with single guy and I am talking about Pakistani people in Pakistan. Every family is different, acceptance of second marriage of girl is gaining mature approach. Maan baap mostly arranges rishta... that never 100% guarantee of successful life. Marriage is lifelong commitment... I personally believe.... communication between prospects should encourage. Marriage is not a bet... both partners are responsible of relationship... If one can not take responsibility he/she should not get married.
Following are few key parameters which can define this relation....
Trust
Understaing of your spouse's POV
Truth
Ignoring little mistakes...
Guy should grow his balls and protect his wife from all ills and bad, similarly, wife should also protect his husband....
and most important, when you say **QABOOL **hai... you accepted him/her with all flaws...
But my question is not what leads to divorce and how can that be avoided. My question is if its allowed by religion and law, why people feel bad to opt it rather than wasting their lives in an abusive relationship?
You think… it will look bet…It is commitment… and bet is not commitment… but uncertainty…
What I am saying… shaadi aik jowa hia… nahi… jowa nahi hia… isko serious lo to jowa nahi lagi gi… but hamary han kay log… pehly din say hi sab kuch qismat par dal detay hian…
Muqa… people are more open than they used 20 years ago… I can see rise in divorce rate…
It's considered taboo because our people value wafa, izzat and sacrifice, above all. We focus on accepting each others' shortcomings rather than naming and shaming the wrongdoer and giving up on that person. I've heard this phrase so many times, "mard hai, agar haath utha liya tu konsi qayamat aa gayi" and then examples are given of falaan ka husband jo pi kar aata tha aur roz raat ko belt se biwi ko zakhmi kar deta tha phir bhi usne guzaara kiya. So the threshold for tolerance is placed very high, especially where kids are involved. People know when their children will grow up, if parents are divorced, it will become harder to find good proposals for the girls. Also, the suffering children go through while growing up in a house other than their biological father's is also blamed on the mother for her rash decision.
Unlike western society, our people believe we live for others, so a woman asking for divorce (where kids are in the picture) is seen as selfish and untrustworthy.
Because such attitudes are still prevalent in society, divorce is still seen as a stigma. But like mahool said, things are slowly changing.
What are the reasons for rise in divorce rate? Is it for ending abusive relationship or something else? Majority of desi population in subcontinent lives in rural areas, where its still a social and cultural taboo.
Do you think its really an achievement to have low divorce ratio and society is inside suffocated due to domestic violence?
I am not sure about it but the opposite is also not an achievement
Societies are tilted on two extremes. West is considered total failure in maintaining relationships and in our part of the world ladies always remain under the sword of divorce, but they keep on maintaining abusive relationship for maa baap ki izzat, log kia kahenge, blabla...
Whats behind these two extremes in two different cultures?
It's considered taboo because our people value wafa, izzat and sacrifice, above all. We focus on accepting each others' shortcomings rather than naming and shaming the wrongdoer and giving up on that person. I've heard this phrase so many times, "mard hai, agar haath utha liya tu konsi qayamat aa gayi" and then examples are given of falaan ka husband jo pi kar aata tha aur roz raat ko belt se biwi ko zakhmi kar deta tha phir bhi usne guzaara kiya. So the threshold for tolerance is placed very high, especially where kids are involved. People know when their children will grow up, if parents are divorced, it will become harder to find good proposals for the girls. Also, the suffering children go through while growing up in a house other than their biological father's is also blamed on the mother for her rash decision.
Unlike western society, our people believe we live for others, so a woman asking for divorce (where kids are in the picture) is seen as selfish and untrustworthy.
Because such attitudes are still prevalent in society, divorce is still seen as a stigma. But like mahool said, things are slowly changing.
Did our religious scholars explain public about the right of divorce? Most molvi sahbehn (nikah khwan) permit to cross the column in nikahnama giving right of divorce to ladies. The most quoted saying among religious people is 'Its allowed, but not liked / most disliked action'.
Divorce is the most hated thing in the sight of Allah but He has allowed us to divorce our wives as a last resort. Muslims are encouraged to do anything and everything to stay in the wedlock but if the differences between the couples are irreconcilable then we must separate by divorcing/Khula in the best possible way [Husn-e-sulook and with full woman's rights].
these days, divorce is made to look like a trivial thing and is exploited by men who divorce out of anger/retaliation by saying 'talaaq diyaa' 3 times thus effectively cutting off any chance of mediation by elders. Allah has asked us to divorce our wives over a period of three months and this is to give couples to reconcile and relatives of the couples a chance to help mediate a reconciliation.
What are the reasons for rise in divorce rate? Is it for ending abusive relationship or something else? Majority of desi population in subcontinent lives in rural areas, where its still a social and cultural taboo.
Tolerance of dominance of Men
Women empowerment
Lack of compromise
Egoistical attitude
Financial stability and independence, career oriented women
Women are representing in every sector of industry
Role of media, and freedom of speech from media outlets
In villages, women are still considered kamzoor and lachar... they would remain in abusive relation and divorce is big stigma and bad sign for them.
I am not saying urban population face problems, but they survive and more open attitude towards them... Divorce in upper class is not as bad as it is considered in middle class...
Divorce is the most hated thing in the sight of Allah but He has allowed us to divorce our wives as a last resort. Muslims are encouraged to do anything and everything to stay in the wedlock but if the differences between the couples are irreconcilable then we must separate by divorcing/Khula in the best possible way [Husn-e-sulook and with full woman's rights].
these days, divorce is made to look like a trivial thing and is exploited by men who divorce out of anger/retaliation by saying 'talaaq diyaa' 3 times thus effectively cutting off any chance of mediation by elders. Allah has asked us to divorce our wives over a period of three months and this is to give couples to reconcile and relatives of the couples a chance to help mediate a reconciliation.
Inspite of having available options in Islam, why Muslims of sub-continent treated divorce as a forbidden tree? Any culture influences?
Inspite of having available options in Islam, why Muslims of sub-continent treated divorce as a forbidden tree? Any culture influences?
i think it is so to enforce Allah's will to use divorce as a last resort and to let mediation take place to reconcile. hamaare mo'aashare meN koii achchhii baat sikhaane ke liye koii jhooT us ke saath manzoob kar dete haiN [jaise, kisii dusre kaa kanghaa na iste'maal kareN kiuN k is 'amal se dost se dostii Khatm ho jaayegii...dar asl, yeh is liye kahte the taa k bachche ek dusre kaa kanghaa na iste'maal kareN jisse juyeN (lice] ek dusre ke baaloN meN na muntaqil ho] yaa koii aisaa stigmaa joR dete haiN [jaise talaaq ke case meN] taa k log saHeeH tareeqe se talaaq deN ... isse yeh mushkil huii k aisaa karne ke bar 'ks log taraH taraH ke hathkanDe iste'maal karne lage haiN.
Just look at how many pseudo feminists (shall I use the word aunties or not?) from Saas Bahu forum are always cooing other women with this shady twisted doctrine of “your husband, thy lord, must provide for you”, “Ye shall be your provider” “he must provide for you honey”, “he has to provide you babe”, “he is the only one person in this world who is going to provide for you, ever ”.
I am sorry but this mentality is probably one the many reasons why some women, despite being trapped in abusive marriages’ could not get out because they were consciously made to feel dependent on their husband. This whole attitude that as a married woman, if my husband will no longer provide for me then who will, has quite a lot to do why women perhaps showed reluctance.
In one sentence if i say fear of Allah is ended so the result is...
hopefully if you people attend nikah ceremony you listen ayats that are recited during khutba say fear Allah...
and in the last sermon also it is stated Fear Allah...
answer is no fear so no marriage!!
may Allah guide all of us and forgive us Ameen
Rest Praise be to Allah and salato wassalama Ala Rasool Allah sallal laho alehe wassalam..
Alhamdulilah Allah has clearly mentioned in Quran if both fear they cannot keep the limits set by Allah subhan wa taAllah they can be separated kindly...mafhoom e ayat...
if we dont follow deen when we are going to select spouse then after ceremony den how can we live according to deen n den how we can see what Quran says when you can't keep the relation well and in limits of Allah...
honeslty speaking nothing but childern suffers n you suffer...may Allah protect us from shaitan..may Allah straight all the affairs of spouse and put love respect and fear of Allah in their hearts Ameen
but uncertainty…