I often hear about how girls who were raised by a single mother are doubted as to wether they can be good wives.. since “maa ne sahi tarbiyat nahi ki.”
Let’s say there’s a family in which quite a few couples have divorced; all of whom who had children…all had different reasons..some are from the older generation while others were from the current generation (the ones in their 20s-30s)
If you were considering a proposal from that family, would it affect your decision?
Is it like one of those things…that individually everyone had their own reasons and circumstances for their actions.. but the end result is that of a family in which many couples have divorced…
My mum tells me that my grandma didn't go for a girl for my mamoo even though she was a million times better than him for that reason but I think in this day and age most normal people are over it.
I dont think that "maa ne sahi tarbiyat nahi ki" miht be the factor. If there is any factor then it might be because divorce otherwise is still considered a big taboo in our society. If someone breaks that barrier, it probably becomes easy, and hence less of a barrier for the next generation of that person.
Thing with women is they never admit they could have done some thing wrong. So usually if mom screwed up her own life.. guess what she is going to do..
She is going make her daughter relive that exact same mistake to prove that herself(mom) was right.
If I have such a case I would like to know the girl enough to see if she sane enough to live out of her mom's bubble.
Thing with women is they never admit they could have done some thing wrong. So usually if mom screwed up her own life.. guess what she is going to do..
She is going make her daughter relive that exact same mistake to prove that herself(mom) was right.
Monk, I want to be honest here. I am really impressed with your assessment. I have seen that in my own family (not divorce but other mistakes that mom made and trying her daughter to relive)
Monk, I want to be honest here. I am really impressed with your assessment. I have seen that in my own family (not divorce but other mistakes that mom made and trying her daughter to relive)
Thing with women is they never admit they could have done some thing wrong. So usually if mom screwed up her own life.. guess what she is going to do..
She is going make her daughter relive that exact same mistake to prove that herself(mom) was right.
If I have such a case I would like to know the girl enough to see if she sane enough to live out of her mom's bubble.
(well its kinda against women :D)
You had me 'till your sentence... "I would like to know the guy enough to see if he is sane enough to live out of his mom's bubble."
^@TLK , You missed the point by a long shot. What about the fact that most women who live with inlaws normally deal with inlaws' interference far more than her own parents'? the divorce is more likely his parent's idea than hers'
My point was, should most women then think, "I would like to know the guy enough to if he is sane enough to live out of his mom's bubble."?
@Monk - so you are okay if your wife refuses to live with your parents? Because she has the right
Its easy for me to say that I don’t care. I don’t have them.
I am not setting up rules for other ppl I can only say from my experience, I once liked this girl.
Whos mom and father separated, mom won the custody of the girl, Now girl was some thing else.(very like able)
But under the influence of her mom, she use to do things differently. When I finally met the mom I saw it.
Now before you think bad about me, get this, that girl gave her verdict about her mom, eventually.. she left home…
(Why I am posting in life one must be altaf hussain address)
I dont think that "maa ne sahi tarbiyat nahi ki" miht be the factor. If there is any factor then it might be because divorce otherwise is still considered a big taboo in our society. If someone breaks that barrier, it probably becomes easy, and hence less of a barrier for the next generation of that person.
That's exactly it for me. Now, I understand there often are good reasons for divorce and it may even show more respect for the well-being of women of the family (if female relatives got divorced). I know of someone who divorced her husband because he tortured her with threats of suicide/serious physical harm to himself to get his way. In her case, her well-being was clearly more important than keeping that relationship going.
But yeah, it would still scare me. One thing that will help my fear is the potential's recognition of the divorce(s) and serious commitment to making his marriage work, while being aware of potential problems as seen in the relatives' cases.
It goes both ways. In my experience, I have seen guys who refuse to live outside their mother's bubble! A friend of mine is married to a guy who refused to ahem touch her "unnecessarily" (his words) because his mother told him it makes her jealous to see him being close with his wife. Apparently all 5 brothers are the same!
typical guys pointing fingers at girls. In my experience, I have seen guys who refuse to live outside their mother's bubble! A friend of mine is married to a guy who refused to ahem touch her "unnecessarily" (his words) because his mother told him it makes her jealous to see him being close with his wife. Apparently all 5 brothers are the same!
Jealous? This is crude, but was the mother sexually attracted to her son? Only that can explain why she got jealous when her son touched his wife.
Ps I edited out the typical guys comment...:-)
Yes, she said "main dekh nahi saakti that you go into your room with her"...all the bahus have decided that it was probably because she had a bad relationship with her husband, and is taking it out on her bahus....and boy is she ever! When the eldest son got married, she would weep outside their bedroom door all the time, and as a result, the guy got frustrated and angry and took it out on his wife by pushing her away.They eventually had 2 children, and he hasn't touched her for four years now. I don't know what a girl should do in this scenario. Can guys not see what their mothers are doing? By taking away their wives' rights, how will they face Allah?
The boys have told their wives that their mother gets upset if she realizes they are close to them (the wives), so they all had children pretty quickly and refused to have anymore because then their mother can obviously see that they have touched their wives.
Then there was a case where the guy broke his baat pakki with the girl he had been "in love" with a long time because his mother told him she would die if he brought home a girl he liked. She made him guilty by telling him that his father never treated her right, and now her son would leave her too (what the hell??). The boy went into a fit of tears, and told the girl to get lost. The baat pakki lasted one day. Do these people remember there is Allah, and they have to answer to Him??
P.S, the mother from the first scenario instructed her sons not to do anything other than the just necessary to have children. "No hugging , kissing and jaldi se ker k farigh ho bus!" her words....
must be altaf hussain address)