Hi everyone,
I really need some advise.
I met someone online back in 2009. I was going through some depression issues at the time so he became a means of escape from my depression for me. I later found out that he had been flirting with sooooo many other girls online but I forgave him after all the drama. He decided to study abroad and I paid his fees for him. I left the country to meet him for a week without telling anyone about it. I lied to my parents and borrowed money from them for my fees but used it for my travel expenses. Later that year we decided to marry. Everyone told me that I was being stupid but I fought with my parents. I stopped talking to them because they were against my marrying this guy. I did not speak to them for over six months until they finally gave in. We went to Pakistan for our wedding and his family treated me horribly. He wouldn’t do anything without his mom’s permission. Without going into details I realized my mistake of marrying him immediately but I still loved him. I came back and told my parents and they said that once he came here it was him I would have to live with and not his family. They were sure that he would change so I applied for his sponsorship. During that time we had many fights. He never sent me a single gift because he didn’t have money. He constantly asked me for financial assistance. His mother constantly said crap to me every time I called her so I stopped calling her which caused more fights between us. I swore at his mother and sister. I hacked his facebook account when he told me that he had another girlfriend. I swore at him. I did all the crazy psychotic things but never let go. Things always seemed to get better. There were times when I would make up my mind to end it and move on but he would keep calling and apolozing and I would eventually give in.
Then he came here. I bought a condo for him. I bought all new furniture/appliances. My dad helped him get a driver’s license a week after his arrival here. I gave him my car. He found a job three weeks after coming here. He lied on his resume, gave false references. I told him not to but he told me that he knew what he was doing. He would drop me at work in the mornings and take my car to work. He didn’t pay a penny in the first month. His mum had called two weeks after his arrival here asking for money for eye surgery so he had to send her money. I swore at his mom and called her a greedy *****. I swore at him too. Second month he gave me $400. He had to send money to his mum and he paid her to get him a cricket kit. He paid $380 the third month. Money he was paying was all he gave. He didn’t buy groceries, paid for gas, or paid for anything when we went out. We had a lot of fights over it. I tried to hide it all from my parents but he would call them after every one of our fights to complain. I was a ***** too. I would fight with him over small things. I would swear at his mom when he wouldn’t give money. I would tell him to **** off.
Fast forward 3.5 months after he arrived here, I was short mortgage one month. He didn’t give me money. I had paid his first credit card bill but now he had nothing in his account. I didn’t tell him and took $600 out of his credit card. I used it towards my mortgage. I was going to pay it off from my next paycheck. He found out and we had another fight. He sent msgs to his sister telling her that he was going to end this marriage because I was aggressive. He told everyone that I stole money from him. I told him to get out of my house. I was so angry at him that I told him to get the hell out. He packed his bags and left. I tried looking for him that night after I calmed down. He had disappeared. I don’t know where he went. I went to his work, called him and texted him a million times, asked his two friends who I knew here but couldn’t find him. Then he called me to meet with him at the local mall. I went there. We had another fight. He asked me what I wanted to do now and I told him that he should tell me what he wanted as he was the one who had disappeared. He said that I was immature. We had another fight. I desperately tried to find him again after he left but nothing happened. He created a new facebook account. He posted photo online with some girl. I called him about it and he told me that she called him brother. I told him that no married man would ever take a photo with another girl who he had met 2 months ago at work while half hugging her. We had another fight. I hired a private investigator to find him. I went to his house to talk to him. He hid and didn’t come out of the bedroom. His roommate told me that he wasn’t home. I left and messaged him and told him that I would keep coming until he spoke with me. He sent the police to my house for harassment. I am devastated now. I have hired a lawyer and contacted immigration. I have too much weight in the past month. I feel like I am going through depression again. I have bitter feelings towards him but at the same time I am having trouble letting go. Sometimes I feel that I am also the bad one so maybe we both deserved each other. Sometimes I feel that maybe we could still work things out. I spoke to an imam at the local mosque and he said that divorce should be the last resort after all attempts at reconciliation fail. We didn’t try to reconciliate though. He would make me run around in circles like an idiot and when I would be too angry to talk to him he would attempt to sort things out. That would result in us fighting. We are at a point where my entire family hates him because he harassed them so much. He kept calling them and complaining. Am I really better off letting him go and letting this marriage end after 3.5 months of living together? I feel like we haven’t even tried. Any advice would be appreciated.