I am seeking counselling at my local mosque and I feel that it is helping.
I will not let him get away with what he did. Maybe it makes me a bad person but I will make sure he regrets doing what he did for the rest of his miserable life. I saw tears in my dad's eyes for the first time when we were with the lawyer. This man threatened my father. He was trying to teach law to a man who practiced law for over two decades. I an just waiting patiently for my lawyer to file for annulment.
I dont know how ur life is so i or anyone here can hardly decide for you.we can just give opinions.about ur post,it sounded to me that his major preference and cause for marrying you was money,apart from that the facebook picture makes me think he wants to mentally disturb you,because if he was trying to make u jealous,he would have come back at some point.
Theres another thing which i believe is extremely true,people do not ever ever change,they can pretend and lie to themselves that they have,but they dont,our personalities are engraved in us.maybe he flirted with girls while being in a relationship with you,and yet you went on with the marriage,if he's perhaps(cheating?) Now dont be surprised.
It seems to me that ur trying to find an escape route in him,but there really isnt i believe,and him calling your parents after a fight shows a lot of immaturity on his part.
You dont have to go into his facebook (yes that is private) but ur instint will tell you,and it seems to me perhaps you are in denial of what u know,that perhaps right from the start the marriage isnt working.its not ur fault.but please dont follow my opinion,you know ur husband and life best.if i were in ur place i too would consult a marriage couselor(sp) for a month,keep noticing,and not fighting,if he was putting in any effort,if yes,perhaps i might give the hus a chance,but if not,however painful it might be for me i would leave him.so take a few days and think about what you know,try not to deny,suggest counselling and go on from there.im sure you dont want to be in fights for the rest of ur life.our dreams are a bed of roses but life isnt.
Take care
i can relate myself to your story ..... he is someone who brings out the worse from you , he pushes you to behave in a way you have never behaved in your entire life. He used you and quite obviously neither loves you nor respect you and nobody deserves to spend rest of his/her life like this.
Right now things are very emotional and so are your parents but it's a phase and it will get over and once it over things will start moving in the right direction.
and was it your mistake to marry him ..... don't think about it too much ..... its was your past & its now done and now you should only concentrate only making your future better
diamond321, you were bang on. I have never behaved in such a humiliating and crazy manner before. My own parents have a hard time believing it even though they know me better than anyone else. He always did push me to behave irrationally. He brought out the worst in me.
Right now I am just trying to let go of all the anger and bitterness. We often forget that this life is temporary and we shouldn't be bothered much by our worldly emotions and relationships. I am consciously trying to remember that fact all the time. Once I am rid of him I plan on selling my condo and travelling for a bit. I am also trying desperately to still find a job outside of this province. I just hope everything works out for the best.
Visiting a professional Psychiatrist would definitely help.
Actually depression is a medical illness and can't be cured merely by therapy at local mosque.
anyways, best wishes.
My father used to say that if you are a corpse, the vultures will circle.
Abusers seek out people who are vulnerable and exploit them.
Ditch the loser and please get some counselling. Further, please be single for a while and surround yourself with people who are healthy and want you to be healthy.
Like attracts like. You attract unhealthy if you are unhealthy. Please get help and get yourself healthy before you attempt another relationship.
Yes I know he used me. He complains to everyone about how I stole $600 from him when I pa;id all his fees (tuition, immigration, landing, ticket, medical). I kept him with me for 3.5 months for $780 that he gave and $600 that I took. That covered his living, food, travel and all other expenses. I also helped him financially many times when he was in Pakistan.
At the same time, I am not the innocent victim. Everyone told me that he was using me. I knew too many things about him from before. His flirting with other girls online (even after we were married he used to flirt online on facebook). His habit of always asking me for money. I knew he was using me for money but I kept sending it. I knew what he was doing but I always thought that we would be able to make things work. I always thought that once he came here and his life changed he would want to make things work. I fought with my parents over this guy. They begged me not to ruin my life but I didn’t listen. Now they are telling me that they will stand by me no matter what. If the marriage needs to end then they will support me. Those are the people I fought with for a man who sent police to my house.
I feel that I deserve him. I deserve everything that happened because in a way I am responsible. I brought it upon myself. Problem I am having is letting go. It is like I am obsessed. I have been trying for a month and I can’t seem to just let go. I keep coming up with excuses in my mind for why I should try to make this marriage work. He lives so close to me. He is only 10 minutes drive away. I get a urge to go to his house to talk about things. I have become a social recluse. I don’t even see my family anymore who only live a short distance away. I have stopped talking to all my friends. I have stopped going out. If I ever talk to anyone I start talking about him. Even now, I am at work thinking about him. I am desperate to get away somehow. I have applied to so many internal postings in different provinces. I applied for many other jobs too. Everyone tells me that I am stupid for thinking to leave my job. I am trying to sell the house even though I’m being told by everyone to wait till spring to get a good price. I feel like if I live here much longer I will go completely crazy. I wish there was such a thing as memory erasers.
Heyy okayy first of all you do NOT deserve this kind of ****ty treatment from him!! Yeah okay you made a mistake trusting him soo much and getting married to him despite your parents concerns. But whats done is done now. You have to think of your own future now!
Do you feel that you will be able to stay with a guy like this?? To me it sounds as though hes happy to let you continue to provide for him and that's not right. Its a joint commitment!
And plus you seem like your financially stable and able so its not like you HAVE to stay with him even if he makes you unhappy.
Upto you I guess. Hope you make the best decision for YOURSELF. Good luck!!
Our parents might not be perfect ppl but when they say something that is not right about rishta then let it be. Do not fight with them. This should be a lesson to fellas and girls who despite of knowing..that this might not be good for them..then just let go. Do not ruin your life.