I remember, in pakistan this year, I was invited to a party at this restaurant by an old friend. Really educated people (he s a doc and his wife aswell) and they have 3 kids. I always thought of him as a real nice and decent guy.
Anyway at this party, with me 10-11 others were invited aswell. The food was excellent. Everyone was nice etc.
But for one reason I didnt enjoy the whole party. The couple had brought a ‘nukrani’ with them. She was I think almost as old as the couples oldest daughter. (12-13 yrs old)
Eveyone had lovely dinner, but that girl, no one even asked her. She didnt get any food nor any drink. (we sat there for 4 hours)
None of the other guests seemed to mind either.
I asked my friend why the girl didnt get any food and he couldnt give me any valid reason. Those were the rules and who was I to ask anything?
Its been 2 months now and it still ticks me off. I havent talked to the family since that time. I really dont feel any urge to meet such people again.
But apparently its comon there?!
yeah it's sickening dp no doubt. in pakistan some ppl actualy forget dat behind the ghurbat their is actually a person they r hurting, selfish uknowwats'
Im trying to understand the source of your confusion. That people like the little girl exists? That is sad, but why blame your friends for that. That your friends employed the little girl? It is vain to hope that every little girl like her will go to school and someone will pay for her. nahi. theres just not the resources nor the will, nor the conditions for it. Meanwhile the little girl has to pay for her existence, its better than prostitution yes?
I guess it is such a heartless thing to say.. to know that little children break their backs carrying bricks, coarsen their palms through scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing. they're old at 15, older than you will be when you're 40.
kheyr. all of that is sad, but all of that is beyond your friend's control. what he can do is try to be a good employer, a caring employer, and try to see if he cant do something for her in the long run. as for her not eating with the guests, I wouldnt eat if my sister's guests were over simply because I'd be out of place. most nokars eat in the kitchen.
DP it is common there, and it is very sad. I take notice of that as well but never heard of food not asked or given to the servant.
On the bright side, my Grandfather was a lawyer and he had a client who would come to our house and eat lunch/dinner occasionally, he always had food with his driver/servant. His driver would sit outside by the car but for lunch/dinner always with his malik.
The client was corrupt government official caught in Ghaban or something I vaguely remember, drank but when it came to servants always with them. It is a quality of a muslim (I am being serious)
The jump to prostitution may be a stretch, but yes, the question of hiring practically children as domestic help has been discussed a number of times.
I think the more important issue is, that regardless of the servant being adult or child, how do we treat them in social gatherings. I have seen it a lot back in Pakistan. There are generally two categories.
The first category is drivers (chauffeurs). At social gatherings, the drivers usually wait outside the house/restaurant/club near the car, and generally their food is sent outside, where all drivers gather around and enjoy the meal.
The other type of servants are those that stay inside amongst other guests, for example nanny for the baby etc. Here, different people tackle it differently depending upon where you are. Some hosts provide full access to all the domestic help to take food from the buffet, some others would rather prepare plates of food and give it to the nanny to eat while staying close to the baby. And if the gathering is in a home, all the domestic help is invited in the kitchen, where they are given the food and they can take a break from their duties and enjoy the meal.
As my mother always explained to us, it is the responsibility of the host to ensure all guests (and any servants they bring, including drivers) are properly catered and served food. I remember at one time, due to a miscommunication, a drivers of one of the guests was not served food and he went back hungry. When my mother found out, she was quite angry and then sent my brother with some food over to their place to apologize to the driver and give him the food.
I guess it wasn't part of the job description? Honestly, I think it was because they were invited somewhere else that the girl didn't get any food, otherwise it usually isn't a problem. I think you're being too sensitive about it, maybe you should attempt to correct it instead of avoiding your family.
^ na, don't try to desensitize the problem. Can you guys imagine what that little girl must have felt like. She had every right to eat as anyone else at that table did. Just because that's the way it's been done and servants are made to feel inferior, it doesn't mean that they don't deserve to be treated respectfully.
I agree with Faisal, that's how I've seen it being done as well.
As a child not only did I see such things but even saw relatives treating others poorly. Without sounding overly dramatic, I have seen the fortunes change and don’t feel an ounce of sympathy for some people.
What’s important is the kind of example we set for our children. Children see and remember everything. I know I did.
I dont think your friends were very classy.
Almost everyone has naukars but most of them are with the family from generations..
and are somewhat a part of the family.
Even if they arent with the family for generations, you just dont treat them like that.
She had every right to eat as anyone else at that table did
xcuse me........she had no right whatsoever...desensitize the 'problem'.....if there was one in the first place?..........i am completely sorry but u guys r being too judgemental too fast....u cant guage a person's treatment of naukars from "oh tey didnt let er eat with them".........treatment from employees is a whole package........most of the times naukars dont care a shyte abt getting food from employees..when they do tey always go and feed their younger sisters the stuff........its always clothes n money that they want......if a family allowed thier naukars to eat wit them......i wudnt say jump to te conclusion that they treat them right.
most naukars in pakistan get quite stuffed with other tings, the net worth of which is often much more than te measly salary they get.......ab us mai ham restaurant may guests kay saath khana bhi laga dain, toa kangal hi ho jai banda.
I had the same thing last year..we were havin' dinner with the whole family..and after a while some big family came in..and they sittin' a table next us..i noticed a little girl..abt 8 years old..and she was sitting the whole time in a 'nukkar'..so i asked ma mom y isn't she eatin'..ma mom told me she was a nukrani..i couldn't stand it..so i said i was goin' outside..so when i came outside it was rainin so hard..and there is saw the little girl standin' in the rain bcoz she had to wait outside..ma brother pulled me back..into the restaurant..and the little girl was still standin' there in the rain..i was so angry..i wanted to leave..i really cant stand these things..i dont know y people treat them like this..:(
well, sab kaam walon ko mere parents sar par charha letay hein… phir agar koi choti baat bhi na maano tau they leave. they should be treated moderately.
i took some new hair cream for my brother. our kaam wala picked his one from his room and took to him to ask from where he purchases it. my brother told him the shop name. he noticed that kaam wala wasnt very happy to know the answer. showed him a stiff face and went to keep it back on his table.
the next morning, he told my mom that he wanted the hair cream. i was so pissed off cz he was not so good in his work. i also noticed some weird looks from him. i was pissed off and shouted at him one day and told him to pay attention to his work… he took leave for a day to enjoy basant with his friends but came back after 3 days without informing us. when he came back, my dad said he should have atleast informed us if he wanted to stay out for 3 days. the next thing we hear… he wanted to leave
i told my mom to let him go to hell… when he left (my 3rd last day there), all of us were cleaning the house together… my mom’s all the plants died cz she found many insects from underneath cz of improper cleaning and under the sofas… Gosh… i was so angry to look at all the garbage he stored there and… not to mention his quarter… it was full of rubbish.
and yes, inspite of all the money and stuff we used to give him (other than his salary), he stole some stuff of my brother and sister… so basically, i think they should be moderately treated.
d_p i can understand your frustration but don't judge a book by its cover. its not untrue that some people mistreat their servants, but many people do take care of their servants and feed and clothe them well.
i think the girl should have been given food at that time, mostly the servants are given food at the same time. in many households i know that people dont make a difference in the amount of food given to the servant and the owner.
it is unfortunate that we have such economic disparity in our society though that one person is the owner and one the servant. but that's another topic.
p.s. havent read the other replies so dont know what others said
I had a somewhat similar experience when I went over for a visit....we went to a lovely afghani restaurant and they gave us SO much food...we couldnt finish even half of it. And couldnt bring it home because we were on our way to the airport. There was a mother with 2 young kids sitting out near the road and they looked hungry. So I asked that our leftovers be taken to the woman and her kids. Well, the restraurant people did this for us but they were very rude about it, they just about threw the food at this little family...who started eating it like they hadnt eaten in a long while. Mean, mean people.
I'm not critisizing Pak here...I mean I live in New Yawk and we have more than our fair share of homeless...who are ignored and abused. Its just a very sad thing. To be hungry.
alright, first issue that i see here is that the people that brought their nokrani, why? i mean, i understand the whole issue of not trusting them, because they can sneak and steal your stuff, which, has happened, to us, many many times, while i was living there, and when i went to visit there. (another issue can be raised from that point), but you know what, there are other options besides bringing your servant with you everywhere. i am not going to name them, because everyone there has their own ways. but still, that is unclassy.
second of all, i absolutely agree that that is just really creul. she is just a child for crying out loud, but you dont know, that she could have been allowed to eat before she was brought to the dinner, or that when they go back home, she would have been given dinner, either from the leftovers from the dinner you went to, or whatever is there at the people's place.
thirdly, people generally don't give the nokars food without the permission of the employer. if the mistress says so, then the food is given to them. and there are those, and i have seen them, who no matter what, do give the nokars food if they are brought along. granted, they don't eat at the table like the other people, they do have the designated plate and glass for the nokars. but again, there is the issue of permission. it is this unsaid, unwritten rule there.
also, i read about the poor girl left in the rain. absolutely inhumane. there should be like a law or something there that prevents such things. but then again, how many times do people obey such laws? as someone said, it is the responsibility of the employer to treat their servants with kindness, and to treat them properly. that is the mark of a real human being.
