almost makes it seem like you think she's the one ready to throw in the towel.** While there are two sides to a story and while we have no idea if she's behaving in a way that's irritating him**.............what we've read so far about him.....is far from pleasant and that's a tough situation to be in.
nothing to contradict...... the being done comment was showing her being 'out of love' and in the 'hate' state of mind....
there are two sides.....yet the 'analysis' so far assumes one sided view...and so will be the advises that follow....
Aye she could have been a better judge of his character but the problem was such marriages don't leave room for people to understand each other. And no matter who she fell for, such abuse is definitely should not be tolerated.
agree to that fully......but something is not certain as yet (for me atleast)...what kind of 'such' marriage is it.........emotional rants/outbursts are far from factual positions which exist in real life sceneraio........
^Asia karo....tum PAHAL karo in offering a more broader analysis.
just ask the OP to tell us all......the 'accusations/charges/ complaints' that the husband has.......and what causes them to start.....and then analysis can be made......till now...all we have is a victim......who in victim thought assumes that the whole thing is not their fault whatsover and that its some divine punishment that the 'lover' has become this way.........and portrayed it as such for all of us to comment....
so...wait for the glimpses of 'other side' of the story...in order to offer something consutructive...
or
just go on wiht our analysis of a favorite part/aspect and have our rants over those.......
nothing to contradict...... the being done comment was showing her being 'out of love' and in the 'hate' state of mind....
there are two sides.....yet the 'analysis' so far assumes one sided view...and so will be the advises that follow....
you fail to understand that where there is intense love there can also be intense anger which is sometimes mistaken for hate.
and why should she stay in love with someone who treats her like crap?
and I also want to know what exactly triggers these things from him? Most of the time while it doesn't come out of nowhere, there's always a trigger. and while im not justifying verbal abuse, some people don't know how to manage their annoyance/anger.
Toward the end of the post, she mentions that she asked him several times to drop her off and that he said he'll only do it when he feels like it. So, she's dependent upon him in this regard. Then she mentions how one days she went to her husband's home.....it's unclear as to whether she went by herself or if he dropped her. Either way...he threatened her to be home the next day or he'll divorce her. The threat for divorce is being linked to her visiting her parents. And she also mentions that "visiting parents" is a topic that they frequently argue over. I wonder if he threatens divorce for other things as well. I also wonder if an issue the husband might have with her is....the possibility of her spending too much time at her parents....or frequently bugging him to drop her off. Still isn't justification for him threatening divorce over something like this.
Now you'll say Hey! That was a long time ago! But guess what, the sexism has just evolved into more subtle and under the radar forms in Western societies. At least Asians are still up front about it. But I'm sure the attitudes are changing
So true! Domestic abuse isn't just confined to Asian/Middle-Eastern societies. It's widespread in the West too! Somehow abuse cases in the former societies have gained more popularity because they can be easily associated with the the evil evil religion that Islam is and why the heck would the West miss out on any golden chance of Obliterating Islam.
Not completely associated with the OP's issue but I met up with one of my high school friends a couple of days ago. Now this friend was in a relationship with an A**hole but she has been putting up with this loser for years now. He beats her up, takes her money, does drugs and has cheated on her a couple of times. Whenever she leaves him, he comes back begging her and she takes him back. She's been with this guy (on and off) for 7 years now.
Anyway, so she told me how he is getting better and actually wants to marry her and settle down and how he's changed blah blah blah but that she's hesitant about it because she wants to have a baby with him and find out if he's going to be a good father or not before she marries him!!!!
I had to stop myself from chocking on my food when I heard this. And this isn't an average bottlehead blonde I'm talking about. She's one of the smartest people I know, a Berkeley graduate with an amazing job now yet somehow cannot get herself to kick this jerk out of her life and is not ready to listen to anyone else because she's so much in love with him. She's ready to marry him but doesn't trust him to be a good father. That's how bad some situations can get!
I just don't get it. Abuse is abuse ! some people just can't change. This one-sided love crap thing never works. Whether it's before or after marriage, one should know when there's just no hope for the other person and step out of it.
I also hate how some people thing "a baby will change the person". NO HE/SHE WILL NOT CHANGE! you will just end up in a bigger mess than you were before and will be responsible destroying a third person's life as well.
What do you guys fight over generally aside from your parents? What makes him angry and upset? Are there habits he doesn't like or appreciate about you? Does he yell at you in front of his family? Has ever laid a hand on you? How sure are you that you're pregnant?
One more thing...for those who say its wrong for her to go to her parents for every little thing...that is BS. She should not be going to them if they have a little tiff and argue over namak in the salan. However, if she is being treated unfairly................she HAS to go to her parents. And her parents have every right to find out how their daughter is being treated even if she is 45 years old. Sometimes I feel in our culture girls' parents dont hold the guys or his family accountable enough for how they treat their daughters after marriage.
The thing is, sometimes when you're stuck in these ruts...you lose all sense of proportion...of what is right and what is wrong...what is husband's right and what isn't. You just adjust and adapt and eventually forget that whats happening isn't correct. Its really hard to describe but imagine gradually becoming numb...its pitiful. In those situations, seeing yourself through a third party is the only way out...someone has to tell you this is wrong and you don't have to deal with it.
Sana, I think you need to steel yourself...become strong and confront him about his behavior. Talk to him calmly and ask him why he is acting this way. How are his parents with you? How do they treat you?
Make up your mind, you want to save marriage or not. If not sure, try to save since it is still early and you two need time to understand each other.
Again do not incite him. No need to fight over going to your parents for now. Make sure your parents do not say a word to him and pretend nothing is bad for now. This way he will trust you more.
I'll put it politely, this guy is filth, the lowest scum of the earth. This might be tough, but you need to take charge of your own life. You don't need his permission to do anything, and don't let him use threats of divorce to control you. I'd be pretty open to the idea of divorce if I were you.
... Ma ka ghar bhi apna hota hai but shaadi k baad .. husband ka ghar hi apna ban jata hai. agar us ko app ka wahan jana nhi passand toh . itna mat jaya karo. us ko time do.. ap ne yeh toh pata diya k us ko ghusa ata hai but koi na koi toh bat hogi jo us ko achi lagti hogi. ap ki shadi ko itna time nahi hua. .. abhi sirf adjusting period chal raha hai. oh aur abhi hi aisi baat kar raha hai.. ghalti dono side ki hoti hai.
aur agar app pregent ho toh congratz.. share this good news with him. coz maybe it will change his thinking and his actions
The whole idea of "when your married, your home isn't your home anymore" is complete garbage! The fact remains that they are your parents, and if she can't tell them how he is treating her, who is she to tell and seek help from? GupShup or her in-law's? I don't think so!
Plus, this man should know that she isn't alone and that she can and will seek help. He is punishing her for "telling on him" one time and she is still suffering from that. She should tell her parents and his parents, so he gets some sense because clearly he wants others to think his marriage is nice since he respects her in front of them and not in private. The worst outcome can be that he will become more abusive or divorce her, but atleast he'll know she's not a nobody!
can you try marriage counseling first though before thinking about divorce. ask him if he'd be open to something like that for the sake of keeping the marriage together. If he loves even a teeny bit, he would hopefully go for that before it's too late and you become totally numb to him
since you've only been married for 4 months, it might actually help you two since there isn't much in terms emotional baggage yet
A guy can, the same that a girl should be able to have a night with her firends, but all within limits. It would definitely not be ok if my partner dropped me off to sleep at my mom’s house so he could have his fun.
If the guy is educated, what does he do for living? any info on the guy & his family...
I happen to know Baloch settled in UAE, most of them are scums, got wealth from the construction boom and are now pose as Khandani and Raées families, often tend to marry in decent families, of Karachi, Lahore, Peshawar, Quetta and Isb etc. Most of the marriages have same stories, these guys have seen their father and male members of their families abusing, beating women all their life, most of the them thinks that women is a commodity and man has to control it by force...
By above, i don't mean that Baloch are abusives, no way, my focus on these so-called Pakistani families of UAE who have borrowed sir names after benefiting from the boom of UAE and trying hard to pose what they are not.. i.e. decent
... Ma ka ghar bhi apna hota hai but shaadi k baad .. husband ka ghar hi apna ban jata hai. agar us ko app ka wahan jana nhi passand toh . itna mat jaya karo. us ko time do.. ap ne yeh toh pata diya k us ko ghusa ata hai but koi na koi toh bat hogi jo us ko achi lagti hogi. ap ki shadi ko itna time nahi hua. .. abhi sirf adjusting period chal raha hai. oh aur abhi hi aisi baat kar raha hai.. ghalti dono side ki hoti hai.
aur agar app pregent ho toh congratz.. share this good news with him. coz maybe it will change his thinking and his actions
Agar biwi khud is baat ka ehsaas karay ke mujhe ammi abbu ke ghar nahin jana chahiye hai itna to baat aur hai.
Agar shauhar biwi pe pabandi lagai ke tum apne ammi abbu se nahin mil sakti...to is baat ka usko haqq nahin hai.
Maan baap ka haqq sabse bara hota hai...shauhar se bhi zyada. Ye baat agar humaray log yaad rakhein to kahan se kahan pohoch jayein.
