Re: Disrespectful in laws
I recall OP is depressed. Having been thru that myself, I know that it's very easy to make mountains out of molehills. One becomes super sensitive. If you become aware of this, then you can hopefully redirect your thought process when you feel that negativity creeping in.
Op, it costs time and money to host a nikkah-dinner. I can't imagine why anyone would want to shell out so much money with the intent to hurt/offend the bride's family. They must care about your family and have some regard for them if they decided to host a nikkah dawat cuz they weren't obligated to do so. People show their care in different ways. Some people are comfortable with expressing their affection verbally and others prefer to do it thru gestures such as hosting a dawat or getting gifts etc etc.
Weddings are emotional roller coasters for so many people, not just the bride and the groom. And people cope with that stress in different ways. This year i attended the wedding of an aunti's son and the aunti is uśually so warm and cheeful, but on the wedding...she was uncharacteristically reserved. At first I thought maybe she wasn't happy about the rishta or didn't like her bahu, but as time progressed I felt that my initial impression was wrong. She was just stressed. It's possible that your mil was just stressed and maybe her way of coping is to hang out with those she knows best. Now if you see a stark difference b/w how they treat your family vs all other people in the community, then I think you are right in feeling hurt if they literally and blatantly ignored your family. But by your own admission, you've said that they are not even close to their own siblings and treat others like that do. In that case, try not to overthink it. It would be worse if they only treated your family like this. Maybe they are naturally guarded people who think it's better to keep a distance from people in general as that means less drama. If your mil really didn't like you, she wouldn't bother complimenting you to other people. There are many in-laws who wouldn't even..ghalati se bhi....utter a word of tareef about their bahu. When you move in with your in-laws, they will see a lot more of your family and will become more comfortable with them over time. Unless they have said that your parents are not welcome in their home, it's better if you don't have the negative assumption that your family won't be able to visit .
I know people who feel awkward/shy in telling others that they like them. My own sister is like that. I will tell her that I love her, but she'll never say it back. I will often compliment her, but she won't compliment me. But she's like that toward everyone. She shows her affection in other ways.
Newbee, listen, when you are depressed (and I speak from experience) it is sooo easy to over-analyze everything, to see everything in a negative light, to feel defensive about evert word and action and glance from the other person, to internalize everything so deeply that you lose sight of the bigger picture. And this is what hurts relationships. It's bad enough that people in our culture already have these negative preconceived notions about the bahu and saas and jhetani and nand and every manner of in-laws....it creates a defensive attitude within us before we have even moved into the in-laws' homes and it strains relationships.
They will have to get used to you and you will have to get used to them. It will be an adjustment for everyone. It will require a lot of patience and compromise and tolerance from all parties...especially from you...because your in-laws are older and thus more set in their ways. If abhi se hi you are becoming defensive, then it'll impact your relation with them. You'll have to push yourself to adjust your thinking. As many have said earlier, don't compare yourself to jhetani. In the past your mil has complained about beloved jhetani to you and that means you need to be careful around mil. She is aware of her niece's flaw but blood tends to be thicker than water. So competing with jhetani is futile and emotionally draining. You're going to be living with them so use that to your advantage. Be a good, loving dil and they'll come to appreciate you more even if they don't directly say it to you. Keep the negativity out of your marriage, OP.
You want them to comfortable with you, but it won't happen overnight. It will take time. You say that you have a very close relationship with Allah, MashaAllah...so then make dus to Allah that He soften their hearts toward you and increase their respect for you. He is the controller of the hearts. If you're close to Allah, then don't rush to assume the worst about them, give them the benefit of the doubt. It's easier said than done, but it's what we should do.
Very nice advice. So sincere. And.coming from your heart.
Sorry I hit dislike by mistake.
