Hello.. What does one do when your in laws are not respectful towards your parents?
It doesn’t mean that there is verbal fights or anything.. It’s just the indirect actions..
Like for instance
1 never meeting so there’s no interaction between them. No telephone conversation either unless it’s something to talk about.
2 my mom told my mother in law that she really liked them and she didn’t reply..
3 on my nikkah function my mother in law didn’t come out to receive the guests she kept sitting inside with (jaithani s mother and family) but my father in law was there.
4 there’s a general attitude by them as well.. Not a friendly sort
Now a bit of background. Over the years I’ve realised they’re not friendly people. The only people they r friendly with are either jaithanis parents or family. Or office seniors (contacts ke liye probably.)
They avoid meeting people and make excuses..my in laws don’t even meet their own siblings much..
So what do you all think? I get upset thinking that they are not respectful towards my parents but then I think how they are with everyone. It’s a flaw in their personalities. My husband is not like them. He’s friendly.
Is there any way I can convey that I don’t like them being different towards my parents
there's nothing to worry about if you know they are not generally friendly and don't hang around much with their own siblings either.
if they call your parents when there is something to talk about then that's sufficient. i don't see a reason why both set of parents should have frequent telephonic calls. The lesser it is, the better as sometimes the more you talk, the more issues could pop up.
on nikkah function, if it was hosted by your family, then your MIL was not required to be at the reception.
on your last point of how to let them know that you don't like their attitude, i wont suggest you that you should let them know this,since they are the way they are, and you can't have people behave the way you like. As long as they are civil to your parents you really don't need to object to their unfriendliness.
your Inlaws are not social people–you already know this, so what?
the nikkah is hosted by YOUR parents, why the heck would your mil be expected to receive guests
why do your Inlaws have to call and chit chat with your parents needlessly if it’s not in their nature to do so? So you all fight more? So you’ll have more stuff to complain and worry about?
Thread after thread you post about how awful your in laws are, how stingy, how close minded…blah, blah, blah…let me ask, what do YOU bring to the table? Khud koinsee hoor-parri ho? You keep making mountains out of molehills, if this family is so awful why the heck are you marrying into them? God knows they will not change after your ruhksati.
In all your threads and dhuk bharri dastaans, you are given the same advice over and over again, but it all falls on deaf ears. Maybe you are just out to raise the post count on the forums..in that case, thank you
There are women out their who genuinely get the short end of the stick when they enter into arranged marriages with unknown factors and have to deal with all sorts of unpleasantness…you are not one of these people. You are going into this marriage eyes wide open with all the cards laid out on the table, and obviously there is SOMETHING (God only knows what) that is making it all worthwhile. Please, do yourself a favor and stop with this rona-dhona over every perceived insult and disgrace. You have a lot of growing up to do, shaadi gudda-guddi’on ka khel nahin hai
OP....if you read your own post again.....slowly.....you'll see that you've answered your own question.
it seems that you want to have your inlaws behave in a way that they have already proven to you they can't.
why do you want them to change for you when they haven't changed for anyone in the past?
What do you want out of this marriage? You sound unhappy and resentful. There is a reason you feel this way and you need to find out what that is. Your complaints are a symptom of a deeper problem. Is there something that they did to you which you are finding hard to forgive and let go? Do YOU like your inlaws? Do YOU feel you respect them? Do you think it is possible that you are projecting your own feelings onto them because you don't like them and you find it hard to respect them?
My own in laws are like this as well ( with the exception of being friendly towards their own siblings and family, they are friendly with them) . Most desi in laws are that way. Yours is a love marraige, I guess that is also one of the factors. I know it hurts but I would rather not push them because if they would interact more, they would most likely say something hurtful. Be thankful, that your husband is not like that, a lot of desi dammads are not!
Is there any way I can convey that I don't like them being different towards my parents
Most likely conveying your sentiments to in-laws will just make them more distant with your parents and maybe even you which would be worse cuz you live with them. When we try to push others to accept/embrace us, they usually run further away.
Over the years I've realised they're not friendly people. The only people they r friendly with are either jaithanis parents or family. Or office seniors (contacts ke liye probably.)
*They avoid meeting people and make excuses..my in laws don't even meet their own siblings much.. *
So what do you all think? I get upset thinking that they are not respectful towards my parents but *then I think how they are with everyone. It's a flaw in their personalities. *
You already know that this is a flaw in your in-laws personality. They are not behaving in this manner towards your parents only. This is their personality and NOTHING you or anyone else says will change that. Don't waste your time being upset over things that you can't control.
Yes you can tell your in-laws how you feel. But that will not change how they behave. The only thing that will result is that your in-laws will get upset with you and I assume your husband also won't be happy that you upset his parents. So control your emotions and use your brain to deal with this situation. The smart thing to do is to let your parents know that your in-laws are like this with other people including their siblings so it's nothing against your parents specifically.
BTW, did your mother/father not host your nikah function? It's the job of the hosts to receive the guests. Was the nikah hosted by your in-laws?
Man... 8 yrs you have known these ppl... and they shock you like you just entered an arranged marriage...
Either make 8 yrs worth of exp work to your advantage in coming up with a strategy on how to co-exist
Or
Leave.
It takes all kinds... introverts are ppl too.
And stop acting like you are a family already. You aren't. Not until you start living with them. They may be keeping their distance as most families do... when no ruksathi has taken place
Also... stop competing with Jethni. You will fail. She is family... Ofcourse they meet her family.. it's their family too! Lol
Yes I’m already aware of their personality.. But since they’ve made effort for others I thought it would be nice if they spent a bit if time with mine. I’ll be moving in their house and it would feel odd if I never invite my parents or that my parents never visit? They should be able to visit me freely. Isn’t that correct?
My nikkah was in two parts. Lunch hosted by us because they insisted they wanted to do the dinner. They didn’t greet relatives and my family on dinner.
No I don’t need reasons to fight. Simply want my family to be more comfortable. Esp cause they’re giving me away to them.. They’ll be happier if they knew them a bit? Like in a comfortable way.
The rest of the questions that you asked.. I think you’re losing your temper without any grounds. I do have issues.. But I wouldn’t marry because of these petty issues? I’m sure you’re married and have an idea. I’m not calling them horrible but most in laws do such Stuff. Should everyone break off their marriage? I’m here on this forum wo I can take advice. Because I’m unable to discuss it with anyone.
My family esp mom and sister have told me that they feel my in laws think they’re too rich hence don’t like us. I realise I need growing up to do.. Again that’s why I’m here. Maybe I don’t take things well.. But I do try my best. I’m not a drama queen.
Btw what do I bring on the table? I think I bring alot. I’m way above average looking. Their son was going nuts after me. I’m a a grade student. I own a business and earn alot. I’m also very close to Allah. I prefer to pray and ask for solutions but I can’t get answers. I have loved my in laws alot. They still give my examples because I’m always smiling and happy but it doesn’t mean I don’t get hurt.
I never show my emotions to my in laws btw.
Hope you get some idea now.
Introverts do seem uptight snotty n too proud. But they r just bit scared of social situations . Unless they are saying bad things about ur family they r just trying to fit in.
Yes I'm already aware of their personality.. But since they've made effort for others I thought it would be nice if they spent a bit if time with mine.
A lot of things would be nice but that doesn't mean they're going to happen. You know the specific behind why they made efforts for other do you?
My nikkah was in two parts. Lunch hosted by us because they insisted they wanted to do the dinner. They didn't greet relatives and my family on dinner.
If your in-laws paid for and organized a nikah dinner, then yes, I agree they should have greeted everyone.
I'll be moving in their house and it would feel odd if I never invite my parents or that my parents never visit? They should be able to visit me freely. Isn't that correct?
Of course your parents and friends should be able to visit you. However, since you're moving into their house, you will need to conform to their rules. This is a conversation you need to have with your husband BEFORE moving him. You need to ask your husband what his parents expectations are when it comes to YOU inviting guests over including your parents. Can you invite your parents whenever you want or do you need to ask permission.....Ask your husband.
Of course, keep in mind that if your parents are coming to visit YOU b/c YOU invited them....then do not expect in-laws to play "host". I don't think anything will prevent you from seeing/spending time with your parents. But don't set yourself up for disappointment and arguments by expecting your in-laws to change their personality.
Lady, you don’t need to convince me of how great you are lol, when I asked what you brought to the table, it was a rhetorical question
Obviously, the way you process and internalize things is not working that great for you, and if you continue to be so defensive, whatever real advice you get will continue to fall on deaf ears I’m sure.
Oh, and losing my temper?! Over you??? LOL!!!
Why would I lose my marbles over a total stranger that has no impact on my life?
The only thing I’ll give you credit for is admitting that you have a lot of growing up to do…best of luck!
