Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
just go to a good fertility clinic and they’ll help you…keep trying and don’t lose hope.
And not all of prcedures are that expensive, some are really simple and easy and don’t really cause any hassle.
IVF is the last step usually which is expensive but until IUI its easily manageable if u’re determined.
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
OP
1.if the fertility problem was with you, and your wife was totally fine in that department, how would you feel if she left you for another man in order to have children?
If you leave her, im assuming the first question you would ask the next potential wife if she can have kids or not. If she says yes, but later you find out she cant, then what? Will you leave her too and keep getting married till you find someone who can give you kids?
Lets say you have a daughter and she cant have kids either cuz she has fertility problems, would you keep her at your home till death comes? Surely no man would want to marry her either
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
Not the OP but I still wanna answer the questions.
She’d be within her rights to leave the marriage. People get divorced for all kinds of reasons and not being able to have kids biologically (as opposed to via adoption) seems as good as any.
Can’t answer this one because I have no desire to have kids.
Finding a long term mate would be difficult not impossible. She’d have to target guys who have kids already (and are available) or guys who don’t want kids. Difficult not impossible.
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
1- That would be totally understandable if kids were that important to her.
2- May be.
3- No, there are people who don’t want kids or it’s not their priority.
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
Didn’t realise you love someone and marry them, just for the sake of having kids? Are women just egg producing machines who can get impregnated to have kids? Is this why you married this woman? There’s no love, companionships, respect, care etc for her in your heart? Even if yours was an arranged marriage and there’s not that deep of a love, still she deserves better than her husband thinking of leaving her, after just one year of trying to have children. SHAME ON YOU!!
My uncle never had biological kids of his own, because my aunt is infertile. They adopted a baby from my aunt’s sister and are raising her as their own. They’re more than happy. Yes, having kids is part and parcel of a marriage if you are into that kind of a thing, but it doesn’t mean that you disrespect the woman that has left everything to be your wife, by thinking of leaving her. She deserves far better thought and treatment from your side.
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
[FONT=Times New Roman]Now let me tell you a story
We got married 16 years ago
Fell pregnant 2 months later in the first month of trying…
[FONT=Times New Roman]Lost that baby at 16 weeks on New years Day 2002
[FONT=Times New Roman]Fell pregnant 3 months later…..
[FONT=Times New Roman]Lost that baby at 10 weeks - medically managed miscarriage as baby hadstopped growing
[FONT=Times New Roman]Since that day in May 2002 we have been trying to conceive
[FONT=Times New Roman]Our diagnosis is unexplained sub fertility and we have beenthrough EVERY test both of us and all tests alhumdulillah shukr alhumdulillahhave been 100% fine
[FONT=Times New Roman]This is good news but at the same time it’s frustrating….
[FONT=Times New Roman]
[FONT=Times New Roman]In those years we have been through ups, downs, hell, peace,agony every emotion you can think of…at the same time we have seen all ourfamily get married, have families and move forward
[FONT=Times New Roman]
[FONT=Times New Roman]Last year we finally made the jump and opted for IVF privately,the Professor was so taken by our case that alhumdullilah he approved us forNHS funded treatment. (We previously were top of the list for NHS but I gained30kg after the miscarriages and had trouble meeting the criteria)
[FONT=Times New Roman]
[FONT=Times New Roman]We went through our first cycle of treatment and I can’ttell you how it brought us closer together – yes we had drifted but we lovedeach other immensely…and going through this treatment just gave us our littlebubble of being there for each other.
[FONT=Times New Roman]
[FONT=Times New Roman]We unfortunately lost that baby Christmas Eve 2016
[FONT=Times New Roman]Had a frozen transfer in Ramzan which was unsuccessful andwe are insha allah just gearing up for next frozen transfer
[FONT=Times New Roman]
[FONT=Times New Roman]Now in all these years, we rowed, had massive arguments,said awful things but in our hearts we are in this together…you can’t blameeach other it is Allah SWT’s will. I started this journey at the age of 22 andapart from around 5 months of married bliss immediately after getting marriedwe haven’t had much happiness in our marriage. Alhumdullilah we have EVERYTHING– excellent careers, homes, cars you name it, but the one thing we REALLY wantwe are having to fight for.
[FONT=Times New Roman]I haven’t always been this rational – I can’t tell you howit messes with your mental health but now I am older (38) I see Allah’sworkings in this.
[FONT=Times New Roman]
[FONT=Times New Roman]All we can do is pray that Allah blesses us and givesfruition to our efforts
[FONT=Times New Roman]
[FONT=Times New Roman]So I’m trying to tell you – please work together to achievethis….Only Allah SWT has it in his gift to say ‘Qun Fayakun’….and I pray for usall to be blessed with healthy, happy and naik children Ameen
[FONT=Times New Roman]
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
I’m having trouble accessing GS today - I’ve copied and pasted the above post from an outlook message draft…How can I edit???
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
1
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
Hi, welcome back.
I think whats needed here is that when you copy/paste from a website, you first open a notepad, paste it there and then copy from there.
Second option is, if you right-click here and click on the option “Paste as plain text”. Hope that helps.
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
Let me tell you a story
We got married 16 years ago
Fell pregnant 2 months later in the first month of trying…
Lost that baby at 16 weeks on New years Day 2002
Fell pregnant 3 months later…..
Lost that baby at 10 weeks - medically managed miscarriage as baby had stopped growing
Since that day in May 2002 we have been trying to conceive
Our diagnosis is unexplained sub fertility and we have been through EVERY test both of us and all tests alhumdulillah shukr alhumdulillah have been 100% fine
This is good news but at the same time it’s frustrating….
In those years we have been through ups, downs, hell, peace, agony every emotion you can think of…at the same time we have seen all our family get married, have families and move forward
Last year we finally made the jump and opted for IVF privately, the Professor was so taken by our case that alhumdullilah he approved us for NHS funded treatment. (We previously were top of the list for NHS but I gained 30kg after the miscarriages and had trouble meeting the criteria)
We went through our first cycle of treatment and I can’t tell you how it brought us closer together – yes we had drifted but we loved each other immensely…and going through this treatment just gave us our little bubble of being there for each other.
We unfortunately lost that baby Christmas Eve 2016
Had a frozen transfer in Ramzan which was unsuccessful and we are insha allah just gearing up for next frozen transfer
Now in all these years, we rowed, had massive arguments, said awful things but in our hearts we are in this together…you can’t blame each other it is Allah SWT’s will. I started this journey at the age of 22 and apart from around 5 months of married bliss immediately after getting married we haven’t had much happiness in our marriage. Alhumdullilah we have EVERYTHING – excellent careers, homes, cars you name it, but the one thing we REALLY want we are having to fight for.
I haven’t always been this rational – I can’t tell you how it messes with your mental health but now I am older (38) I see Allah’s workings in this.
All we can do is pray that Allah blesses us and gives fruition to our efforts
So I’m trying to tell you – please work together to achieve this….Only Allah SWT has it in his gift to say ‘Qun Fayakun’….and I pray for us all to be blessed with healthy, happy and naik children Ameen
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
Thank…done!!
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
Question : will you leave her , if say , after a year of trying and then fertility treatments , you dont get pregnant ?
Does your wife know you plan to leave her? Because I think its not really about kids anymore , its more to do with you both sorting out your relationship first before heading into the next step of a relationship.
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
I always wanted to marry my wife for the wrong reasons. We knew each other for a solid six years before we got married and you would think I would leave at any sign of incompatibility but I didn’t. In the end because I married her I realized I shouldn’t have. We are NOT compatible on a social, academic and emotional basis. I think at this point I am considering divorce not only because of the fertility issue but this is someone I don’t think I can grow old with and have my kids around. I totally take the blame that this was all my fault and in the end I will be blamed but everyday gets worse and worse with her. We fight, we don’t talk and our relationship is beyond repair. I can’t hold a conversation with her without her getting angry.
I wish I had made a more responsible decision but I didn’t and I do not want to continue the relationship as it will only strain the relationship further and cause further issues.
I understand I messed up her life…she could have been with a doctor and live a more comfortable life but in the end she chose me and we’ve had problems since day one…but everyday we just hate each other more. It is sad that we ignored the signs before marriage but this is what happens when you do in fact ignore the signs and get married in haste to appease family and to just have a partner.
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
Oh wow. You didn’t realize that in the six years you were in a relationship with her and realized it right after marriage.
I have no decent words for you and I don’t even feel like wishing you luck. A part of me hopes you get exactly what you deserve and she gets way better than what she deserves.
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
I’m in absolute agreement with you.
This thread makes me so angry I can barely think straight! I best leave it before I say something completely untoward.
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
On the flip side I read about this husband in Vegas who died shielding his wife and we claim to be the culture of family values.
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
6 years is too long to realize something.
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
Of course she is unhappy and angry because a guy like you destroyed her life. A decent man doesn’t fight with his wife, he is patient, caring warm and loving and just walks away if there is a disagreement. My wife and I are polar opposites and don’t really agree on anything and yet have the most amazing relationship so agreeing on chit is not necessary. You are now getting ready to destroy another poor souls life on the prospect of a Pakistani girl falling for the glitter of the west,Yupp a maid that you don’t have to pay and have sex with and really no wages to be paid. That new woman will be anything but a wife as you don’t even know the meaning of respect and a place of a wife. I see many bring wives from back home hoping for subservience and end up getting sent to jail by the girl who learns her rights pretty quickly. Because our society has defenders of women at every corner.
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
Yeah us Desis and Muslims are the scum of the Earth. We all go out into the streets with speaker phones announcing to the world that we are the epitome of family values. Come to think of it, the ONLY one ON THIS FORUM that BRAGS AND BRAGS AND BRAGS about HIS FAMILY and HIS FAMILY VALUES…is YOU…the resident GORA-WANNABE of the forum. The rest of us brown folks aren’t making such claims nor are they seen tooting their own horn in every other thread. 
Re: Disheartened with recent medical results
Well then I hope u get a prince like this one. You froth in the mouth about your religiosity. I guess bragging incessantly about religion makes people so amazing..or maybe barf worthy..lol
He is looking, baat chalaoon?