Back in the Prophet (pbuh)'s time, there was no such thing as “the engagement.” If there was an interest in a particular individual the two familes (or other members of the community) would go and discuss this with each other and would come to accept or not accept this union. After a few days, the nikkah would be preformed and then people would gather to celebrate this joyous occasion in absolute simplicity.
Nowadays, there’s the engagement, the bridal shower, the mehndi then the nikkah and lastly, the walima. Most of these events are not simple, rather they are extravegent and extremely expensive.
Whatever happened to simplicity and where did all this other crap (there’s the engagement, the bridal shower, the mehndi) come from??
“Allah extends His Hand at night so that He can forgive the sinner of the day; He extends His Hand in the day so that He can forgive the sinner of the night. He will continue to do so until the sun rises from the West (the Day of Judgment)”
[Related by Imam Muslim]
[This message has been edited by Hinna (edited January 01, 2002).]
I dont know where all these other traditions came from, although I have been told that one or two probably come from certain hindu traditions.
After having gone through all those ceremonies with my brothers wedding, I have decided on the simple two ceremony wedding. Nikkah and Walimah. Thats really the best way to avoid the excess, by not participating in it yourself. However if you like excess...thats another matter all-together! smile
Learn to love yourself, then learn to love one-another
Munni..you're definitely right...we've somehow picked up hindu traditions..ie mehndi rasams. We've also picked up western ideas of the engagement and bridal showers. What's up with that??? Shouldn't we be instilling our Islamic traditions instead?
I recently helped one of my friends with her wedding...although it was just the nikkah and walima, it was a very stressful time for her and her family. Can you imagine how it would be with all of those other parties???
"Allah extends His Hand at night so that He can forgive the sinner of the day; He extends His Hand in the day so that He can forgive the sinner of the night. He will continue to do so until the sun rises from the West (the Day of Judgment)"
Bridal Shower, as I understand it, is western culture. Friends and family give gifts to the bride to help her set up a new home with her husband. Nothing wrong with the concept since Islam asks muslims to give gifts to each other as it increases love. And a newly married couple will appreciate gifts given by loved ones. Call it by any other name, if you wish. :)
The other traditions, mayoon, mehndi etc, are from hindu culture, which muslims of Pakistan adopted during their co-habitation with hindus for better part of last 1,300 years. I am not sure what are the reason d'etre for those rasms but apparently many of them are to forge a bond between the two families. In eastern culture, a marriage is not simply joining of two individuals, but also a bonding of two families. Hence a lot of emphasis is placed on having a good time together and all the relatives showing their love for the bride and the groom. I have seen many people who enjoy all these rasms, especially because wedding is supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime event. They say, have all the fun you can and then cherish the memories.
However, everyone has their own likes and dislikes. Each of you can do whatever pleases you. If a simple nikkah and walima is your cup of the tea, no one should force you to sit for mehndi. :)
[quote]
Originally posted by Pristine:
*Bridal Shower, as I understand it, is western culture. Friends and family give gifts to the bride to help her set up a new home with her husband. Nothing wrong with the concept since Islam asks muslims to give gifts to each other as it increases love. And a newly married couple will appreciate gifts given by loved ones. Call it by any other name, if you wish. :)
*
[/quote]
Actually Pristine...most of the time the bridal shower is JUST for the bride...hence it being called "Bridal Shower." The bride tends to get personal items from friends...for example night gowns etc. Of course these gifts would be appreciated..but then again..the bride could go and get these things herself.
"Allah extends His Hand at night so that He can forgive the sinner of the day; He extends His Hand in the day so that He can forgive the sinner of the night. He will continue to do so until the sun rises from the West (the Day of Judgment)"
[quote]
Originally posted by Hinna:
** but then again..the bride could go and get these things herself.
**
[/quote]
I don't know what sort of gifts are en vogue to give in bridal showers, but then again, I am sure most of us can afford anything ourselves, so why bother giving gifts? I think the idea is to show our friendship and love by giving and receiving gifts, not to suggest that we are giving it to you because you can't get it yourself :)
Coming back to the rasms of marriage, as long as they are not extravagent and result in dis-proportional excessive spending, its a matter of personal choice. Some like it, some don't. Every region of the world has its own culture and traditions. Some cultural traditions are taken from religion, some from customs of forefathers. That doesn't make them right or wrong. It just provides more variety in life, as long as they don't interfere in your religion and don't go against explicit rules, like prohibition of excessive spending.
The other traditions, mayoon, mehndi etc, are from hindu culture, which muslims of Pakistan adopted during their co-habitation with hindus for better part of last 1,300 years.**
[/quote]
That statements partially true. Your overlooking the main fact that most Pakistanis are decendents of converts of Hinduism... that is why you will find these parallel customs. In fact, most contemporary pakistani weddings are Islamicized Hindu ceremonies. I'm not making value judgements as to the rasms being a good or bad thing, just trying to provide insight to why they exist. Please do not be offended.
The man for whom law exists - the man of forms, the conservative -is a tame man.
- Thoreau
Well this is because in the Qur’an, Allah swt has told us that we should not act like the infidels.
It is not righteousness that ye turn your faces towards East or West; but it is righteousness to believe in Allah and the Last Day, and the Angels, and the Book, and the Messengers; to spend of your substance, out of love for Him, for your kin, for orphans, for the needy, for the wayfarer, for those who ask, and for the ransom of slaves; to be steadfast in prayer, and practice regular charity, to fulfil the
contracts which ye have made; and to be firm and patient, in pain (or suffering) and adversity, and throughout all periods of panic. Such are the people of truth, the God-fearing. Verse 177 : Surah Al-Baqarah ]
** Mu Hu Hahahahahaha!**:hoonh: "Quote the Mu,“NeverMu!” Yeh Duniya Doh Rangi Ajab Iski Baatein
Agar Pyar Maango toh Hasrat Millegi
Chaman Zindagi ke Hazaaron Killeinge
Magar Eik Dil ki Kali Nah Kiley Gi
Well…copyrights signed for quite a few years [so happily married for quite a while now]; the actual wedding ceremony was quite recent [as if you didn’t read that thread
Okay so if you don’t dispute religion, why not follow it? I’m not targeting you , just the general population.
It is not righteousness that ye turn your faces towards East or West; but it is righteousness to believe in Allah and the Last Day, and the Angels, and the Book, and the Messengers; to spend of your substance, out of love for Him, for your kin, for orphans, for the needy, for the wayfarer, for those who ask, and for the ransom of slaves; to be steadfast in prayer, and practice regular charity, to fulfil the
contracts which ye have made; and to be firm and patient, in pain (or suffering) and adversity, and throughout all periods of panic. Such are the people of truth, the God-fearing. Verse 177 : Surah Al-Baqarah ]
Shouldn't religion be there to guide us? I believe religion is there for us and not the other way around. Does one has to be "lakir ka fakir" when it comes to religion?
If religion is there to guide us, how come we always run in the opposite direction?
It is not righteousness that ye turn your faces towards East or West; but it is righteousness to believe in Allah and the Last Day, and the Angels, and the Book, and the Messengers; to spend of your substance, out of love for Him, for your kin, for orphans, for the needy, for the wayfarer, for those who ask, and for the ransom of slaves; to be steadfast in prayer, and practice regular charity, to fulfil the
contracts which ye have made; and to be firm and patient, in pain (or suffering) and adversity, and throughout all periods of panic. Such are the people of truth, the God-fearing. Verse 177 : Surah Al-Baqarah ]