What can I do? I don’t want to pry into anyone’s business. But I’m an outside observor of other’s destructive and sinful behavior. I’ve been married for almost 8 years and when I left my parent’s home these kids they were still innocent. Maybe it’s a rite of passage. But I see 20 something year olds living lives that make me sad. I don’t want to see them anymore, or speak to them. And that upsets me. By the way, I hate Facebook for revealing too much to me. Why do people have to post pictures of themselves scantily clad, drinking alcohol and partying at retarded clubs with idiot friends? What a bloody waste of time. Even some married people I know do this. They’re living double lives. They’re lying and hiding and it’s giving me heartburn just thinking about it.
I just don’t understand that mentality of “Let’s go party this weekend and get wasted and take pictures of it. We’ll be so cool and it’ll be so fun.” How can they look at themselves in the mirror? How has that generation not been taught values and integrity and all that other good stuff? I spoke to my dad about this recently and he basically felt the same way as I do. It’s a tricky situation because they’re grown adults now. They will be offended and they won’t want to listen. So I’m distancing myself from all of them. I just feel heartbroken.
join the club......i have become so distant from so many people....just cuz we dont see eye to eye on so many things....i am fine with being labeled as boring or not going out every friday night to party...it has become so scary....i am so scared to have kids....i feel like i have no energy....how am i gonna protect them from all this.....this really is too much....may Allah help us all
Are you talking about someone you know personally or the youth of today in general?
It's not just our generation, I think the older generations were just as bad if not worse, it's just more in the open nowadays with technology..
If you're talking specifically about Desi youth then yeah morally decadent behaviour is on the rise but there's not a lot we can do about it, just grow tougher skins and/or change our values (hawa ki rukh ke saath badalna seekhen). Not much will happen, our future generations will follow the same pattern as westerners (broken homes, single parents, no regard for relationships)..
While I know where its all coming from and I am disappointed myself but part of it is relative, i.e. my elders probably were disappointed in me too, for things that I consider very normal.
okay so first of all not every teenager is doing it , those who r doing it r the ones who r either under wrong influence of westernized media , or have inappropiate company of friends , or have lack of moral values , or were not taught religion n culture in the right way during their brought up........................ i do feel the same way as u saima when i encounter -or- get to know about such behavior but it only left me with fear about the future of my own kids , that how is that going to be ???????? other than things that u've seen & that have upsets u , there is more to it to qualm ............... like the lack of respect teenagers of today r showing towards their elders , back biting , cunning behavior , or unlimited lies just to save their position .
These are specific people I know unfortunately. I wish I could just be speaking in a general sense about the 'youth of today.' I don't think I'm being black and white about what's right and what's wrong, so I can't say it's relative. When you know someone is living a lifestyle that is just un-Islamic, should you just let them?
When you know someone is living a lifestyle that is just un-Islamic, should you just let them?
I cringe my teeth every time someone says that, because in my experience what is Islamic and what isn't, is debatable. For one person growing a beard is mandatory, and a clean shave is un-islamic. Yes, as hard as it may be to believe, I have heard people defend their drinking habits as nothing against Islam (more like nothing against religion in general).
If I see someone I care about, who is an adult, doing something that I don't approve off or I think he/she might get in trouble, I first try to make sure its not something personal, i.e. its not about me, its about him/her. Then I start with prayers for some time, then try to show them with my own example and in the very end try talking to them in a manner that they understand that I care about them and I am worried, rather than giving them a lecture. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
An example would be a cousin who is mounting debt without totally understanding how it will effect him few years down the road.
If you were them, and they were you, would you want them to speak up?
I would want a friend to tell me that they are concerned about me if they saw destructive behavior.
Recently I saw a friend do a 180 degree turn from the way I had known him to be and I expressed my concern. He wasnt too happy hearing what I had to say, but I made it clear to him that I said it only out of genuine concern and that he is free to disagree with me. I distanced myself for awhile. Thankfully, he realized his behavior when things didnt go according to plan regarding something and now he is back to his normal self. Whereas I dont think anything I said made a difference, I do feel he appreciated the fact that I showed concern.
You have to be content in the fact that you relayed a message. Whether it is met with open arms or not. Everyone will make a decision on their own terms, and take whatever time they need.
If I consider a person a friend, the least I can do is show some concern.
i know an unlce hu drinks and all who was defending himself by saying that “doctors say that alchohol is good for ur body…it cleans the inside”
no unlce…not every1 is stupid…
yeah i feel just as disheartened whn i find out abt ppl on facebook also cos i live in the uk we have this thing called bebo which is like facebook, i ahev both bebo and facebook and ure ryt im shocked whn i c pictures of ppl on their nyts out:( whts even more dishearteneing is that even tho i live in the uk the pakistani friends taht i have here and indian ones r probably more adherent to their culture and religion that alot of the youth in pakistan , im not sayin all the youth in pak r liek that but an increasing number r! All we can do is pray i suppose becos ive tried explaining and it doesnt seem to sink into their head, may god make them see sense inshallah:)
First of all, facebook pictures do not tell the entire story. I have facebook pictures with me and my friends out at dinner where some people may be drinking (not me, but classmates, etc), or pictures at a club. I have made a handful of appearances this year at clubs, and its strictly for business reasons. I'm working/studying in an environment where you have no idea what stigma you get for not being social. Did I drink at these clubs, or flash people, or do dumb things? No.
But then Im sure if you saw my facebook pictures, you'd say PCG is a party girl, and quite non-traditional and unIslamic. Fact is, I don't put up much about Islam, etc - other than putting Islam under "religion", because I strictly believe in keeping religious out of the line of work I'm in. But then, if I was , say a painter, I wouldn't need to worry about keeping my religious self private.
People have different majboorian, they have different lifestyles, Islam means different things to them.
I swear, I just experienced the company of muslim people who really and truly believe that to laugh and smile and be friendly is simply not part of Islam and falls under frivolty.
The new Britney Spears generation (desis included), currently in their teens, are who scare and disturb me the most. I really don't know how you are supposed to protect your kids from the amount of crap they are exposed to everyday.
I tried the whole "speaking up" thing after seeing something really disturbing on FB and I got a verbal beating for even saying anything or trying to be a big sister. Oh my, did I ever learn my lesson. Never again.
I tried the whole "speaking up" thing after seeing something really disturbing on FB and I got a verbal beating for even saying anything or trying to be a big sister. Oh my, did I ever learn my lesson. Never again.
Live and let live.
You are letting these teenagers push you around? How old are they? 18-20 range? Oh please!
You are the perfect 'baji' material. Get back in there and straighten these holigans up!
LI, I know where Mehnaz is coming from. I've been there too many times.....
Having the best intentions.....trying to look out for someone.....and then, taking the beating for it.
I have backed off in many cases. I only speak with the person is very close to me and when I know that I will not be penalized for wanting the best for them.
So live and let live. These people are in my prayers. I agree with AJ that praying and setting a good example is the first thing to do. I understand that FB pictures could be misleading but I never jump to conclusions. If someone has a beer in hand and is french kissing someone it's pretty obvious. Mehnaz having someone talk back to me when I'm trying to 'help them' is what I'd like to avoid. Too bad it happened to you.
A couple of these people are extremely defensive so I know they'd take criticism very badly. I think the reason I feel heartbroken is because a part of me wants to scoop them up and fix the situation. But inside I know they're not kids anymore and I can't really change anything.
this has been a big topic for time immemorial. Each and every generation says this at their own coming of age...some indulge in the indulgences of the era and some do not. Its all in the upbringing and in the personal fortitude of the individual, yeah?
The teens to early twenties is a horrid time to be sure. I have known more than a few "wild thangs" who have turned out to be quite upstanding citizens. Live and let live...everyone has their own personal demons and their own rocky roads to travel down. Best to just get thru the trouble years in the best way for youself and leave others to their own.
I think the whole thing about religion meaning different things to different people is an escape goat of a solution. Obviously if someone is doing something wrong openly there shouldnt be a debate of if it being right or wrong. ITS WRONG, plain and simple.
Being a youth I know we can all get pretty defensive if someone comes in and wants to "fix" things for you. You should first be familiar with the person of concern, be like a friend to them, and gain their trust. Once you are in that boundary, doors to criticism are much more open and welcomed. Also, you should be direct and not indirect with them (ie, backbiting and such). I am sure that is not the route you plan to go about. Its tough, but may Allah give you success in your quest!
