On the men’s side, this is how a typical desi dinner takes place.
Everyone is talking in groups about different things. Some about work, others about stupid politics; defending their emotional points of views based on an article or two that they read or what they heard in the morning news. And then the host walks in announcing that the dinner is ready. There is a moment of silence where people look at each other and then everyone goes back to their discussions. He then insists a couple of elders to go eat but rather than getting up, they in turn push others to get up and walk to the table. This goes on for about 10 minutes before the first person gets to the table. Rather than getting a plate to get started, he hesitates and starts giving out plates, only to make a riot in the lines about ‘Pahlay app .. Nahin nahin Pahlay app’ with people forcing others to come in front of them.
When they finally get to the food, the uncles can be categorized into the following groups.
Line Hogger 1: These uncles carries on the discussions they were having in the sitting area, usually in a loud tone, with the person either behind or in front of them while holding the line and the plate. Usually the people around them have to push them to put something on the plate and get going.
Line Hogger 2: These uncles put something on the plate and start eating it right away, sometimes placing the plate right on the table. Ignoring the fact that there are people behind them waiting in line. Their intentions are to check out what’s good and what’s not & then get plenty of the good stuff.
Mountain Platter: This group of uncles will get each and everything on the table making a big mountain on their plate, even if the food does not go together. Like gulab jamans & shorba/curry. They probably thinks that this is their only chance at the table & there is no coming back.
Touch-me-Not: After quickly filling up the plate & getting their drink, these uncles will find a secluded place, usually in a corner, facing the wall and start eating like there is no tomorrow. They are often found sitting on one chair bent down on the next making it a table, so they can use both hands and eat as fast as possible.
Meat Eaters: This group include the uncles who pick up only the meat entrees. Often chicken legs are their favorite and consider all veggie/dall stuff unworthy. These are the same uncles who insist on finding a ‘tooth pick’ after they are done.
Forgetful: These are uncles who usually get confused and overwhelmed by the amount of food on the table and as a result get stuff they either don’t want or forget things that they need. They realize this when they get back to the sitting area and then ask others, usually their children, to get them a fork, a nan, a napkin or a different kind of drink.
The Aba Jaans: This group of uncles are those who are trying to get their children to eat or stop them from running around causing trouble than fixing a plate for themselves. Usually they eat the leftovers of their children.
There is also another group that have people from all the above mentioned groups that can’t handle the bones. It is impossible for them to keep the carcasses on the side of their plate, so they either stand next to a trash can or get another plate & start collecting the stuff in there-even a napkin would do. The majority of them belong to the meat eaters.
I am sure the aunties aren’t any different but maybe keeping the dignity of their makeup they eat a little less. Maybe not! They certainly are louder.
The Mountain Platters also don't hesitate to leave the half full plate at the table next to big dishes and grab a clean one for stuff they really liked, e.g chicken tikka and half a dozen shami kababs.
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ahmed jee very acute observations. you actually scared me when i read this thread cause it something i would have said. i remeber, when i was a kid i went to weddings and uncles will completely hog the serving spoons. I was forced to wait till the geezers had had their food. i used to draw the analogy from NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC of foxes/jackels versus lions in competing for a carcus uncles/lions get the first preference. To top it all after waiting for 20/30 mins uncles would still snatch the serving spoon from me making smart ass coments that completely pissed me off , like: "* bayta aap toh icecream khaain * "
NO uncle MUSTAFA KHURSHEED from WAPDA i will eat what ever the hell i want and in wat ever order i want. Give the God damn spoon back to me. you can wait 5 freakin seconds for me to put one leg piece in my plate.
^ uff itna ghussa ... beta aap to ice cream mein naha ayain :p :D
jokes aside ... I relate ... once when I was a kid, at some wedding just as I got close to the table, this big ol aunty, friggin stepped on my foot and damn near broke it in half ... in her haste to add to her already full plate. I've never forgotten it.
Women are no different. In fact, they all fall under the same category. Most of us forget our manners when the dinner is announced and it really ticks us off when the host decides to avoid all the commotion by calling people by their table numbers.
Ammi jaans usually do fill up their plates as well, since they have to feed their kids. In fact, women often send their kids with the hubbies if they know the hubbies would be getting the dinner first. That way they get a head start on the dinner under the guise of feeding their kids the food that the kids brought with their abbu jaans.
Besids, don't get upset with the people who want all their food at once. That is because there is no good food remaining aftewards, as many aunties, uncles and kids get all the good boties, kababs and tikkay during their first round. Those who wish for the seconds are usually left with bakray ka korma and biryani where the meat smells like bher (sheep) and tootay phootay naan.
I've even had instances where I would get the food first and decide to get the drink after, but by the time I go back for drink, there is none remaining or just the diet drinks.
This reminds me, we attended this engagement party where they put an entire bakra ( I don't know the exact term) on the table, within 10-15 minutes the bakra was in a terrible condition. Although they had waiters there to give everyone their portions, but I think the guests decided to grab their portions manually off the bakra and because of that the table was a horrible mess shortly after.
oh man one time i went to this really big wedding and when they announced the food for the women i heard a bunch of screams and it's like someone had unleashed freaks from hell. i mean, there was 200 pound aunties rampaging towards the food table, some tripping over their duputtas.
then they started taking like two plates just so they wouldn't have to get back in line and they're all yelling at eachother "oy yeh koi tareeka hai kya?!?!" and some were even eating while they were in line so they wouldn't have to come back for more.
These desis sit in the corner sulking, noticing the habits and getting pissed off at other desis all the while thinking they are more cultured, refined and well-bred than them...
Then they open posts like these on a Bulletin Board...:D
Lajo, the sulkers are those uncles who can't eat because of having a dozen health problems as they never cared about their health when they were young. The ones you are talking about are called coconuts. Something tells me, you are from the touch-me-nots.
Gammay yar, I know where you are coming from. Remember the days when you were too short to really look inside the serving tray and this uncle helps you by giving you the smallest piece of chicken?
Sadiyah, I don't like making a mountain platter just to avoid coming back or running the risk that the food might not be there. Mainly because I consider food should have secondary importance. We don't go to engagements, weddings or graduation parties to eat, we go there to share the happiness of our hosts. Unfortunately, food becomes the primary focus of all such parties.
Anyway, are there aunties who wrap the food in a napkin and then put it inside their purse? I have heard stories.
Sara, I agree with you. Women should be served first. They are already in pain because of their high heals & a ton of jewelry and therefore need the energy!
Or more like women shud jsut be there to serve and cook and not acutally eat like real human beings, thus reinforcing the “fantasy” woman who looks good, and serves you and isn’t bothered by real human stuff like emotions and hunger and looking liek a slob after slaving over a hot stove on a hot summer day?
We don't even have the buffet style dinner, the whole three course meal is served at the table by waiters, and I always end up sitting next to some old man who burps too much.. and there's no girls to perv over because they're in a seperate hall which is pretty siht..
another annoying feature of the dinner party for men is the silence zone. every so often a conversation comes to a particularly satisfactory (or non-sequitur) outcome and nobody has anything to add to the topic. this then leads to an abrupt halt in the talking and everyone looks around, pretending to be interested in the design on the sofa or looking down at the quorma. since we are not very inventive when it comes to talk, the silence is usually broken by someone returning to the topic in the vein of "so some match eh?" and then other people repeat the lines they had just said two minutes ago, often without changing the words even the tiniest bit, even though their views on the topic had been made clear to everyone already.
a friend of mine was particularly unlucky in being caught in one such silence zone where the couple upstairs started making inconvenient noises.
5) Meat Eaters: This group include the uncles who pick up only the meat entrees. Often chicken legs are their favorite and consider all veggie/dall stuff unworthy. These are the same uncles who insist on finding a 'tooth pick' after they are done.<<
and these are also the uncles who will leave aunties very young and widows.:)
