Dilemma

sweefs · October 22, 2008, 5:34pm

Even if you let your parents know, if somehow he changes his mind after two years or so, it would severely disappoint your parents and effect their trust on you. For the time, to be on the safer side, don’t bring your relation with him into the picture in front of your parents. It is quite possible that they might not appreciate this idea that you have been hanging out with a guy. I know they trust you and don’t doubt your character, but usually when a Muslim girl informs her parents about her appreciation of a guy, it is natural for them to become suspicious about him and learn more about him, as you might not be able to give them a complete picture of the “nature” of your relationship with him. For parents, daughters usually are very innocent who might easily fall trap to a boy who knows how to impress innocent girls. secondly, it is also natural for parents to get offended by the thought that you rejected all their choices and now you have come up with your own choice. This gives a strong message of you being smarter while MOST parents always consider their children to be too innocent and not mature enough to make such a big decision of life, and they (parents) have all the experience of the world to decide what is right for their child.

If he is really interested in marrying you, he shouldn’t mind his family come over to your family, develop understanding and decide any date in future, WITHOUT mentioning your involvement with him. If your parents ask you, you don’t need to lie to them. Tell them that you have met him in school, college,…etc. (whichever is the truth) and he has a very good reputation of being a boy with a good character and manners.

In this way not only you would be able to see how sincere is he in marrying you (because if he is really interested, he wouldn’t mind requesting his parents to meet your parents and decide a date of his choice). Secondly, even if (Allah forbid) this relationship doesn’t work out, at least you wouldn’t be feeling guilty in terms of disappointing your parents, because in the end it was THEIR choice, you only “agreed” to continue with it.

I might be totally wrong, but this is how I sincerely feel. I have seen people who thought that there is nothing wrong in sharing with their parents their past friendships, but that lead to a great misunderstanding and other complications. Besides that, like Z said, there is nothing wrong in doing Istekhara as Allah (swt) knows BEST!

Pure agree-ness from my side! :k: