My paternal cousin is dating a girl but he doesn’t seem serious about her whilst she’s head over heels for him, he’s not exactly cheating on her and he tells me he loves her but he’s very dishonest with her, he’s not even told her his real name or where he lives whereas she’s always inviting him over to her flat (she lives one her own due to studies) and has even given him access to her account..
What’s more this girl is from Faisalabad so my cousins mom will never allow him to marry outside our community (a lot of our family are still narrow-minded and backward)…
I really like the girl and feel sorry for her because my cousin is using a false alias with her but if I tell her I’d feel guilty for my cousin because he’s the only decent person from my paternal family (the rest just depress me)… But if I don’t tell her I’d feel sorry for her, she’s my friend and we often go out together, she’s not a slutty girl, he’s the first guy she’s going with and they’re not physical, she doesn’t wear hijab but she prays and she really thinks he is going to marry her someday…
I don’t know whether I should tell her he told her a false name and that he’s a mommies boy and his illiterate village mom will never allow him to marry outside our community but if I do then I feel sorry for him…
What should I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I know you have a loyalty to your family and in this case your cousin,but you know what he is doing is morally wrong etc(I am not on about from a religious perspective)but just basic morals.He is deceiving the girl and if she knew about the truth it would hurt her very much.Hoever how can one have a relationship if one person is constantly lying i.e. your cousin cannot even tell her his real name-doesn't that say alot?!
Sometimes we get confused between love and lust and whereas this woman loves your cousin(her actions reiterate that),he seems to be using her,he may say he loves her but if he truly did he would not lie to her;even about basic details such as address and name.
You have to show your cousin the errors of his way(at the end of the day we are all independent,free thinkers whatever but sometimeswe have to be cruel to be kind and you need to let your cousin know what you think).If you were in the girl's position surely you would want to know if this was happening?!
My words exactly for the guy...such a mean remark from Your Friend..some friend!!!..
Anyway..Try asking the girl how much she trusts your cousin casualy, and do ask your cousin why he is being dishonest...could be becuz he is afraid of his(your ) famiky, or maybe a bigger underlying cause..U can just try to facilitate their own openness to each other...but that's it.:)
i think that you should tell him that he needs to tell her himself...he is decieving her and if he has any feelings for her at all then he will see that he needs to tell her..........if shes real serious abt him then he needs to think abt whether she is the one for him and if he is willing to fight for her or not......
since you are in a unique position, you have double responsibility towards your friend & your cousin.
you have two options, 1st tell her everything in details (but bare in mind, that MAY affect your friendship with her), 2nd you can talk with her about YOUR family background and tell her how strongly your family thinks about out of community marriages, while you are doing this, also mention your cousin's mother's views about this issue. I sincerely hope, that she WILL read between the lines.
Dont tell the girl anything...shes HIS girlfriend...
If you have an issue with how he does things this is something you need to discuss with him...hes your friend...its you role to guide him and make him see sense...
Sounds to me that you havea thing for the girl...girls come and go...but your cousin wont forgive you for screwing something up for him even if he is wrong...
I really like the girl and feel sorry for her because my cousin is using a false alias with her but if I tell her I’d feel guilty for my cousin because he’s the only decent person from my paternal family.
what kind of 'decent' person is he deceiving the poor girl....?
I am with yourfriend on this....or you should just make an anonymous phone call or letter and let the poor girl know what is going on...If God forbid something happens later, then you would feel guilty about not saying/doing anything.
I would definately tell the girl..who care about this stupid cousin who doesn't have respect for women or their feelings.
i think u should stay out of it.auron ki hamdardee main ghulnay se baaz dafa banda khud he bura banta hai.If the gal cannot sense shes being fooled she won't listen to u anyways.n may b she'll go to ur cousin n tell him wat u said.it will ruin ur relation with both of them with.
if its such a big deal to u send her a friendly anonymous email.If even that doesn't help then leave them alone.
My paternal cousin is dating a girl but he doesn’t seem serious about her whilst she’s head over heels for him, he’s not exactly cheating on her and he tells me he loves her but he’s very dishonest with her, he’s not even told her his real name or where he lives whereas she’s always inviting him over to her flat (she lives one her own due to studies) and has even given him access to her account..
What’s more this girl is from Faisalabad so my cousins mom will never allow him to marry outside our community (a lot of our family are still narrow-minded and backward)…
I really like the girl and feel sorry for her because my cousin is using a false alias with her but if I tell her I’d feel guilty for my cousin because he’s the only decent person from my paternal family (the rest just depress me)… But if I don’t tell her I’d feel sorry for her, she’s my friend and we often go out together, she’s not a slutty girl, he's the first guy she's going with and they're not physical, she doesn’t wear hijab but she prays and she really thinks he is going to marry her someday…
I don't know whether I should tell her he told her a false name and that he's a mommies boy and his illiterate village mom will never allow him to marry outside our community but if I do then I feel sorry for him....
What should I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
If she's old enough to date, then she's old enough to figure out what's right and wrong...
Let her learn her lessons...
If you are so concerned, you should let her know everything that's going on...It's your duty with her being your friend and protecting her and keeping her safe from the harm and heartache she will receive from your cousin...You will be doing her a favour, trust me...
As for your cousin, to hell with such an insincere person's sentiments...
naah.. I was hungry and debating myself what should I feed myself today
but seriously this girl needs a hard slap… at the end this guy won’t loose anything.. but this girl definitely would, something
naah.. I was hungry and debating myself what should I feed myself today :p
but seriously this girl needs a hard slap... at the end this guy won't loose anything.. but this girl definitely would, something
That doesnt mean she should lose her reputation, respect etc..coz thats what'd ahppen if all the families found out... guy wud get off scot free, why shud the girl suffer on top of finding otu her bf is a !@#@!#@!#*!@
If you are so concerned, you should let her know everything that's going on...It's your duty with her being your friend and protecting her and keeping her safe from the harm and heartache she will receive from your cousin...You will be doing her a favour, trust me...
As for your cousin, to hell with such an insincere person's sentiments...
My paternal cousin is dating a girl but he doesn’t seem serious about her whilst she’s head over heels for him, he’s not exactly cheating on her and he tells me he loves her but he’s very dishonest with her, he’s not even told her his real name or where he lives whereas she’s always inviting him over to her flat (she lives one her own due to studies) and has even given him access to her account..
What’s more this girl is from Faisalabad so my cousins mom will never allow him to marry outside our community (a lot of our family are still narrow-minded and backward)…
I really like the girl and feel sorry for her because my cousin is using a false alias with her but if I tell her I’d feel guilty for my cousin because he’s the only decent person from my paternal family (the rest just depress me)… But if I don’t tell her I’d feel sorry for her, she’s my friend and we often go out together, she’s not a slutty girl, he's the first guy she's going with and they're not physical, she doesn’t wear hijab but she prays and she really thinks he is going to marry her someday…
I don't know whether I should tell her he told her a false name and that he's a mommies boy and his illiterate village mom will never allow him to marry outside our community but if I do then I feel sorry for him....
What should I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Do the right thing and tell her the truth. Your friend is a dishonest, manipulative idiot and you are in a position to save that girl from disastor. I bet deep down in your gut you feel the same way.
