girl loves guy guy loves girl. decide to get married. parents agreed. parents also happy. guy almost done with masters, got a great job lined up. Girl not quite finished with career goals. wants to finish up before she gets married. Girl before wanted to get married earlier (for reasons i dont know:confused: ) though but guy said he wants to wait till he finishes studies and is more stable.
guy will be done by end of 2006 and wants to get married. girl says no, she wants to now wait till her studies are done.
points made by guy:
1)his parents are very old and he wants them to see him settled and happy
2) he doesnt want to get married late…wants to marry early, enjoy and have kids later. so that he wont be very old and unenergetic by the time kids are growing up.
3) he thinks one partner should be stable and is willing to support the girl’s education fully after marriage.
The family is very nice, the guy’s sister encourages the girl to get a PhD and to continue to work as well.
girl says.
guy is worried about parents getting old and wants to get married. what if after marriage he tells her he also wants kids so old parents can see them?
girl says it is very hard to finish education after marriage. His parents are old and she wonders if she might have to take care of them a great deal after marriage.
for the most part i think she’s pissed that he gets to finish education while she must compromise.
girl DOES think the whole enjoying before having kids part makes sense.
help? should she get married or finish up education which will mean they’ll get married 3-4 yrs later? ( it really is for a friend)
They should both sit down and talk about it without arguing!No ones right or wrong they jus have to do weigh the pros n cons, think more practically.....realionship is all about compromise....
Analysis:
All three points cited by guy have unselfish motives. He wants his parents to be happy, wants to support his family and pay for her education, wants his children to have an energetic father (he is thinking of the children).
All the points cited by girl have selfish motives. She has started hating the in-laws even before the marriage has happened, she doesnt want to take care of old in-laws, and she is a heartless, conniving cow for being jealous of the guy.
Dump this cow and marry a sweet innocent girl. Thank me later.
They should both sit down and talk about it without arguing!No ones right or wrong they jus have to do weigh the pros n cons, think more practically.....realionship is all about compromise....
I have a friend in a smilar problem I think. The problem with these kind of situations is that they are both right in their own way but somethings gotta give.
You can always get married and have the opposing party sign a contract that says both parties will agree to allow the girl to finish her education, and that if there is a breach of contract there will be x, y, z consequences. At least that protects against the risk that the guy's family might trick the girl into marriage and then go back on their promises later.
I'd be pissed in her situation too. No sense in marriage until after education is complete. However, she's going for a PhD. That's beyond necessary education. I'm assuming with her bachelors/masters she can get a job easily. So the good thing is that she's done enough education that if the phd gets cut because of children, she can always still do things she wants with her life.
And Phd is a very flexible sort of a degree. You can spend loads of years working on your Phd, and you'll still be a PhD in your subject area whether it took you 4 years to do it or 7.
If it was a lower more essential degree like a bachelors/masters/professional level degree, then I would say she shoudl work on the degree first, so that she can get it out of the way.
But a PhD is flexible, usually. At least in the fields I'm familiar with. You can plan it around a family lifestyle, and PhD programs are pretty understanding about it.
Oh no, by all means I didn't mean she should not do the PhD. I meant that without a PhD, you can still have a decent career. And that its not a matter of life and death or her income, etc that she do the PhD immediately.
I know, I'm surprised that's coming from me. You'd think I'd tell the girl to ditch everyone for the degree. Dunno what's becoming of me.
As filmy as it sounds, if they really care for each ther, they'll make it work. They both need to sit n discuss and agree that the guy will help out in any way possible (aside financially cuz he wants to himself) that he can so she can study, n that may mean taking care of some of her responsibilities n lending her a hand so she can juggle school n life. They can try by getting engaged.
^ Oh and yeah, he's willing to financially support her. That's an amazing thing. Many desi guys want to avoid paying for their own soon-to-be wife's education. They'll say "let her stay with her parents, I don't wanna pay for it".
I dont see why people think she is selfish. People have certain goals set for themselves in their lives and she has every right to reach it. She has every right to consider all these things before making a decision. Why should the woman always be the one to compromise? Offcourse if she loves him she should also be able trust him and he should keep his words.
dope :p is your mom getting gao ki gori for you :p
shweetz it honeslty matters at what age of life she is at. IF she is done with her masters i think she should get married now. PHD or second master can definately wait.
She will get duas of her in laws and they will definately help her. She can still stake 2 classes a semester and take care of in laws. As long as guy is willing to pay for all the expenses.
Now if she hasnt done her BS. most likely she wont finish it after shadi either. I see so many cases where in laws give girls tons of taney for going to school etc. When you are at a master level you are alot more professional and sometimes i feel can handle a situation better. [please keep in mind this does not apply to eveyrone ]
thnkx so much every1 for your input...
PCG she has done her B.S and wants to start with M.S. PhD i agree can be done much later
skhan- again the guy isnt being selfish in regard to education because he himself is done with it.
All the points cited by girl have selfish motives. She has started hating the in-laws even before the marriage has happened, she doesnt want to take care of old in-laws, and she is a heartless, conniving cow for being jealous of the guy.
Dump this cow and marry a sweet innocent girl. Thank me later.
good analysis
it really is for a friend)
my ass..