guys and gals this is a problem i am facing these past few months.. it’s about one of my undergrad classmate who’s come over to my place to do her masters.. back home during my undergrad, we were never great friends.. we respected each other and all that.. phir beech mein thoda class politics hua and class mein darar paida hua.. tab usme is bandi ka thoda haath tha.. so i dint like her for that.. main thoda masti karne wala admi hoon.. i dont want ppl to waste time in stupid egos and fret abt it for a long time.. so maine (aur kuch doston) se masle ko solve karne ki koshish ki.. kuch nahin hua.. hamara jo funloving and happy-go-lucky class tha ab ek revenge-filled jagah ho gaya… main bhi bahut frustu ho gaya tha uski wajah se.. phir jab main undergrad khatm karke us aya to woh bandi koi company mein kaam kar rahi thi… after a year she decided to come over to the us.. us ek saal mein maine usse (not just her, i email everybody else in my class of 20) contact (emails etc) rakhne ki koshish ki par uska koi jawab nahin aya… maine bhi chor diya phir.. phir jab use MS karna tha tab usne mujhe email kiya ki yeh kya woh kya hai.. maine tab bhi jawab diya par man hi man soch raha tha usko kahin aur admission mil jaye…
par hua aesay ki bandi ko sirf mere yahan admission mila.. aur aa bhi gayi.. ab woh wahi apartment complex mein rahti hai jahan main bhi rahta hoon.. masla yeh hai ke uske pas gaadi nahin hai.. aur mere pass hai.. so kahin bhi use jana ho to mujhe hi poochti hai.. jab bhi ho sake use pick up/drop wagairah karta hoon.. ab yeh bandi aisi kism ki hai jisko thoda maddad karo to sar pe chadh jaye.. aur exaggerate nahin karta.. bewajah bossing around karti hai.. magar i keep my distance.. cos i dont like who like order people around (even dosti ke naam pe and on a regular basis, both guys and girls).. kabhi kabhi mujhe lagta hai ke kyun na main use jab chahe ride doon? akhir uparwale ne mujhe car diya hai to mujhe use doston ke maddad ke liye bhi use karna chahiye.. aur yeh bandi akhir meri classmate rahi kabhi… phir mujhe yaad ata hai woh arsa jab usne apne bf ke liye mere dosti ko thukraya aur class mein split kiya.. aur waise bhi main kisi ka naukar bhi to nahin ke main jab chahe unke liya hazir ho jaoon? meri bhi to alagh zindagi hai.. alagh schedules hain.. aur jahan main rehta hoon bahut thandi jagah hai.. car ko start karne ke liye kamse kam 5 min lagte hain.. and then not to forget the walk to the parking lot in the cold.. my friggin univ has lots in weird places anywayz.. isiliye main sochta hoon that she shudnt take me for granted and try to get rides when i am leaving for somewhere rather put me on call.. par main yeh bolna nahin chahta kyunki uske dil ko thes pahunchega.. and she expects a lot just because we happened to be classmates.. magar mujhe bahut bura mahsus hota hai aise situations mein… then i think kahin main ek insensitive beast to nahin ho gaya??
am very confused dear fellow gups.. sorry for the veryyyyyyyyy long post magar main ab bahut hoon… i know pcg is gonna label me a “typical male” or something like that.. but yeah i expect to get some mature replies from you guys too
Jinab aap insensitive nahee, balkay bohat hi sensitive aur khayal karnay walay insaan hain. Why don't you discreetly suggest her to buy a car or get a subway/bus pass?
jee main aisi jagah pe rahta hoon jahan public transport nahin hain.. yeh us ke northeasternmost part hai.. yahan pe sirf moose aur ped paye jate hain.. aur thand yahan ki ek gandi baat hai.. it can go as cold as -15 F or so during peak winter.. isiliye kabhi kabhi sochta hoon kahin main sakht-dil insan to nahin?? magar pichhle winter jab mere pass bhi gaadi nahin thi tab main bhi chalke hi jata tha.. its not like she doesnt have winterwear.. what pisses me off is her attitude... jo insan app ko baqi waqt ek email bhi nahin likh sakti.. appke email ka jawab bhi nahin de sakti.. abb bahut dosti jata rahi hai.
thanks for the idea but suggest karne wala main kaun hota hoon uska.. phir jab gaadi legi to mujhe hi kosegi agar kuch kharab hua to.. waise yahan ke baqi doston ne kaha bhi ki peeth ke peeche mere bare mein complain karti hai ke main use zyada help nahin karta.. aise halat mein main kyon usko suggestion doon? but i dont get too close to her or ask her any favor so that i dont feel obliged later..
You should only discreetly suggest her to purchase a car because this would relieve you of picking and dropping her. I'm sure her car won't break down everyday. Hence, it won't be as much of a hassle for you like it is right now.
khair i guess i am prolly thinking too much into this... akhir maine kiya jo karna tha.. ab out-of-the-way karna zaroori bhi nahin lagta.. lemme stop here else i am gonna start sounding like a hypermoron
but then kambakht dil bhi nahin manta akhir akeli bandi kya karegi thand mein.. so i somtimes do things which i neednt have to but later feel stupid about it
and funny thing yeh hai ke agar use koi bakra mil gaya to mujhe agle hi din bhul jayegi.
Make duaa that Allah (SWT) makes it a easy for you and does something that could relieve you of this duty and tension, insha'Allah.
Just recently I had this dilemma where this person kept asking me for help and at the end passed a few comments that I found rude and hurtful. I sort of gave him attitude in return, but I felt bad, so I ended up apologizing to him.
My situation was different, as I only had to keep up with him for about a month (after the insults). So I continued helping him as much as I could and now alhamdulillah we don't even talk to each other as there isn't a need for it.
Man, you're not her frickin guardian angel and nor are you related. Now unless you wanna hook up with her, quit the chaffeur act! I am sure that if you turn down her requests once or twice (just say that you have to go somewhere at that time), she will get the message. Friendship is a two way street!
Since you do care and won't like her to go through any mushkilaat then just keep doing it. You are taking it too deeply. Don't. But baton baton main do suggest that she might face problems if you have to move or anything or if you're not home and won't be able to help her around so tell her about some affordable cars and places that sell cheap cars etc. Hopefully she'll get the idea that you don't want to be her guardian angel all the time. She's just being nice to you because usse apnay kaam nikalwanay hain. I'm sure if she has something done for herself she won't even look at your boothi.
Now unless you wanna hook up with her, quit the chaffeur act!
Typical pig.
Desibanda: Be upfront with her. Tell her exactly how you feel. Everything you just wrote here - just say it to her. In person. It's not being insensitive at all.
desibanda, I have been in this kind of situation. and done all these sort of favours to one of my classmate from Pak when she came over here. we werent so close friends in past. I just helped her for being new here. and try to ease her problems, some time just advising what to do or doing something for her. buying air tickets for her, selecting, buying and delivering car 100's of miles away, about living, selecting uni's, anything thats local/or not for me etc.
she did expact a lot, even whatever i do wasnt enough. I dont like people making personal decisions and slapping on me that they have done just for me. ie, later blammed me that she is just come to UK cause I was here otherwise she could have gone to US. it really put me off.
anyway I was lucky she never lived in my city.
.....
so i started keeping my distance, and leave her things for herself to solve it. but when doing this she did get the signal but also getting upset with me.
I got so tense sometime because of this demanding and behavior and sometime saying things different and demanding different. I am very straight, i dont want to solve puzzles. so I reach my end point. so I just abrubtly ask her to stop any contact with me.
since then we do have contact only after months and months. but now she is fine with her life and now understood everything about it, knows well why and what caused me to end this.
so my advise for you, just dont carry on doing this. sometime have you own space in life and dont change your plans cause of her, once, twice she will get the signal.
otherwise how hard you try , its not goin to end until she herself realise and thats remote possibility. If you tell her straight that you cant carry on like that then this will end soon, but its up to you my example is above you can learn it from .
whoa that’s a lot of replies since yesterday.. thanks guys for ur input.. i hope i’ll be able to put in a polite way ki main uske expectations ko meet nahin kar sakta.. mujhse jo hoga wahi kar sakta hoon.
destinee: yeah i do feel bad that i am not doing much but after i do something for her i wonder why i had to do that.. i think that if u help someone and later think why u helped them, the help wasnt a help at all.. usse behtar hai app help hi na karo.. so tat kinda put me in a fix.. but then i figured out ki use khujli hogi to khud mujhe bulayegi main kyun bina wajah usse poochhon? if i “thunk” like a robot, i wud say ki jab mere pass car nahin tha kisse ne rides offer nahin kiya.. mere poochne par koi maddad karta.. so same logic applies here 2
pcg: grow up.. girls dont need to ask for favors just cos they have a crush on a guy .. she has a bf back home neways.. in fact most gals who are trying to impress a guy wud rather not get favors from him, instead they’ll try to help him out or show him how well they can do something…
shakskills: thanks for ur detailed reply.. now i wont feel like the only supersissy guy in the world who is needlessly hypersentimental
majestic: i thot i had composed my post in hindi cos i dont know a lot of urdu
magar main ab bahut 
hoon… i know pcg is gonna label me a “typical male” or something like that.. but yeah i expect to get some mature replies from you guys too 
