Re: dilemma
hm, i dunno really. If I help a guy, its not because I like him. I get tongue-tied in front of guys I like, so helping him is out of the question.
Some girls I guess will help you if they're interested in you.
...
Who cares?
Re: dilemma
^^ wull u cared to reply, so there :D
Re: dilemma
hmmm…desibanda…
does she even know that all that happenned in the past has created some thorns in ur heart? r u sure she is not completely oblivious to that? maybe she doesnt even realise all that? it IS possible
or maybe she does and she is sharminda abt that.
u could always bring it up in a really nice and indirect way and try to clear things up.
waise toh the past is the past and try to put it behind i’d say..if u can 
but i know its not easy…
she COULD be acting nice just to get your favor or maybe she is grateful to you for the help…u have to observe her attitude with u more closely and try to see if she even cares at all abt u or if she is just using u…
if she is just using u then u r NOT obliged to help her. she shud straighten herself up first before expecting help from u. if she doesnt care abt u then she can ATLEAST talk to u nicely. what does she think u r? her servant?
and i get u abt the bossy ppl part…i hate bossy people too and don’t feel like helping them either, but if someone asks u for help then u become majboor as well and saying no is difficult…
when u r ever-ready to help others then ppl think oh is ko toh hum jaise bhee treat karein he/she will help us anyway, so they take u for granted…dont let that hapen…i think u shudn’t take her attitude…
u really have to show her that she should not be bossing u around. aik do dafa just give her an equal reply when she is rude to you and she’ll get the message.
i suffer from the same problem as u. i think its a disease. i’m trying to become tougher though.
remember that there is an extent to being nice. u shudnt finish ur own personality and kill ur own self respect just for the sake of being nice. coz then u keep sufferring inside but never saying anything just coz u dont want to appear rude and unhelpful. it sucks.
as far as the help goes…u r doing a good thing theres no doubt abt that …but if u feel that its becoming difficult for u though then i think instead of just spoon feeding her all the time the best help u can give her is long term help and guidance. like, help her out in getting a driving license, purchasing a car and getting used to driving there and slowly draw away from driving her around. that way she will become less dependent on u. and u would also have done ur part as much as u cud have. remember, she shud also help herself, she shudnt just thopofy herself on u and expect u to do everything for her.
good luck :k:
Re: dilemma
and BTW, consistency is really important in a relationship...just remain consistent...
dont be too nice in the beginning and then back off ... take it slow and normal from the beginning... [thats what i have learnt :/ ]
when u start by being too nice and say yes all the time, then ppl do start expecting too much from u and then if u say no they hold it against u. but when u r normal from the beginning and say no when u have to coz maybe u have got ur own work and yes when u can easily help them, then they dont get hurt when u say no either.
this is the best approach.
no need to be extra nice and go out of ur way unless its someone u really care about who cares about u too or if its a family member. with ppl who r not too close just be normal. help when u can, and when u cant then in a nice manner tell her u cant. she's not a baby right, she's come all the way from india to the usa by herself. i'm sure she can find ways to help herself without depending on u all the time. help her when u can and when u can't just say no nicely.
Re: dilemma
desibanda, you are in love. now just like in the SRK movie, drive the girl to the nearest temple and get married.
Re: dilemma
When you are tired of this, just tell her that your gf doesn’t like it, anymore. 
Waisay sochnay ki baat hai… if the roles are reversed, do you think this lady will take you around al the time at your beck and call? If the answer is yes, then keep on doing it. If its no, then get a grip on your life and dump leeches from your life.
Re: dilemma
:k: exactly
desibanda i agree with this
lekin Faisal bhai i always think of that example…of the holy Prophet Hazrat Mohammad (saw)…that lady who used to throw garbage on him…and how he still used to treat her with kindness…i mean he used to be nice to everyone no matter what they were like to him…
isn’t that what our religion teaches us?
Re: dilemma
Ask her to share the price of gas next time, that should put her off.
Re: dilemma
yaar yeh sab parh ke sar mai dard ho jaye ga.
short story batao 
Re: dilemma
irem ji: thanks for ur reply but panga yeh hai ke she knows how much she hurt me during my ug days.. ek baar maine zikr bhi kiya ke why dont we ug classmates get together sometime etc. usne kaha yeh sab namumkin hai.. i still dont like some ppl (some of the friends in my gang) and its not possible.. and then she apologized half-heartedly ki politics ke liye mujhe tumhe ill-treat karna pada.. i cudnt see a tinge of remorse for her actions.. and she said all that as if it was the most natural thing to do in that situation.. its like u let down a friend just becos u can score some points with some guy.. 
and she certainly is the kind of person who does a hell alot of backbiting… heck man i am doing some major bitching here… even guys have pms 
haan but what u say is rite: when someone comes asking for help its very hard to say no esply if u are not busy or something.. i really cant lie fluently aur upar se if someone asks me for help when i am free, one thing that naturally comes up is “sure”.. tats been a prob sometimes cuz i end forgetting it if its not too critical or something.. been into bad blood at times for being absent-minded abt such things…
anyways, i am really overwhelmed by all ur replies… app logon ne itna waqt bitaya is nacheez ke masle pe.. hum bahut mehrbaan hain..
mannn… school mein bs kar kar ke zaban se sirf bs ^^ hi nikalta hai
Re: dilemma
tpical desi girl... they are such users.. matlab kay liyay toa ghaday koa bhee baap bana laiN.. (not that u're a gadha or a baap)..
take her to the DMV and even help her learn to drive.. and that is it.. phokat maiN time waste na karo.. aur bhee gham haiN zamanay maiN ....
Re: dilemma
waesay i was kinda free for a few months cuz another guy who was doin his internship here was "transporting" here at her will.. tab humein kabhi usne yaad nahin kiya.. magar banda wapas detroit chala gaya so ab bandi humein bahut yaad karti hai.. khair mera graduation ho jayega soon.. hope i will leave this place soon.. so that i dont guilt-trip myself evry now and then