Thank you again brother/sister,
I wish I was super man and could take all this pressure but I am weak and its hard for me to stand this for much longer.
Like I mentioned earlier, I love praying at the mosque and since this started, I haven't been going to the mosque that often. I loved memorizing more surahs and I have forgotten the ones I had memorized in the past few years. I am always preoccupied by these issues. I stopped going to the gym. I feel bad for myself. Allah has blessed me with everything but this relationship has put in a very difficult spot. I cannot even share the severity of these issues with my parents since my Dad just went through a life threatening by-pass surgery. Alhumdulillah, he is doing better now.
I go blank at many times during meetings with friends or work. Last Ramadan was the toughest one for me because all this started during Ramadan. I usually do some nafal e'tikaf at the masjid and that gave me some relief away from home. I want to go back to my normal life. I come back home and I do not want to stay alone anymore. This thing just bothers me all the time.
but I am confident and have full faith in Allah, that I am being rewarded for this test and Inshallah everything will happen for the best.
Wish it was so easy Sameenji! ALLAH brings problems to the people he loves and trusts!
You seem like a lovely person "Marriedsingle" and I respect you for trying to make it work.
I think from experience within friends and family, please do not spend too much time thinking things will change.
You will know enough of her nature by now to know that yes she may improve but maybe an improvement of 10% either way.
The only way that she will change more than that is through some form of shock which isn't the way I'd wish her to learn.
Beleive in ALLAH, do the best you can and whatever happens remember you did your best and whatever happens it is all for the best!