DIL not wanting to live with MIL

Lifestyle Relationships
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DIL not wanting to live with MIL

Dil needs a smackdown from khwati!!!! Seriously wow!!! And I thought the fat baldy thread was insensitue!!!

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Chamaat on the way!

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

Is this a real situation? Who on Earth is that insensitive?

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

DIL needs to grow up!
chai bananay mai kitna time lagta hai even if she has to make 4times a day:smack:

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

I would just like to say… Im a bit surprised at how schocked ppl are at dil still wanting to move away.

Yes it shows how selfish she is etc… To the majority of us… We would do the opp and make the woman have comfortable last few months …

But… Ive seen …and its quite common … Marriages break up cuz of the dedication this disease requires from everyone involved. Spousal support and the love of the family. Not everyone is cut out for this…

When mil was going through her chemo rounds…like they show in the movies…patrients would lounge around and tell their stories…and we were at that time shocked to hear just how many relationships went in the gutter cuz of thos disease. Its like termite…eats away at the insides of not only the patients body, but everything tjat person holds dear…it includes relationships. I wish i could say its a gora thing…but it isnt. Ran into a few desis that ust couldnt put up with the disease and opted out.

Reading this doesnt shock me… It upsets me cuz the dil is not realizing just how close to the end they are and a golden oppurtun ity she is missing for some major reward in this life and hereafter for caring of a terminally sick person.

Oh and just WHY is the son confused. Uski tho aisi ki taisi…confused ka bacha :bailan:

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The man is dying you need to be supportive and stop being selfish. If it was one of your parents in that situation, I am sure you would not appreciate the extra stress from your partner. I also suggest you get a tea making machine and place it in the sitting area so that everyone can make their own tea, coffee, hot chocolate etc. All you need to do is make sure it's filled with water etc.

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Place this in your lounge for an easy life;

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

  1. i am NOT the DIL here.

  2. unfortunately, this is a true situation and its happening to someone very close to my heart.

  3. so maybe you guys are right, maybe its not as simple as making chai and wearing shalwar kameez. However its nothing major like wanting her to quit job or not visit mom either. the DIL's real issue is that MIL has all these appointments (obviously doctors) and the son is now busy always driving her to and from doctor's, trying to make sure he spends a bit of time with mom each evening. This makes DIL mad because it is taking away their "couple" time together. The DIL believes that MIL should leave the elder son alone so he can spend time with his wife, and rely on the younger son for all the rides to doctors and other stuff such as visiting her friends. The younger son is perfectly capable of doing this, but being the baby of the family just never was expected to take much responsibility and so really, the mom/MIL doesn't even realize he should be contributing to her care.

The other thing is, the MIL is undergoing treatments, and is responding extremely well in the sense that while she may only have a few months left, she is still walking, talking, healthy mashaAllah. Ofcourse this means she cooks and goes out shopping, goes to friends' houses, cleans her own bathroom, everything. In this sense, she isn't so obviously sick and dying how you see on TV that the MIL lies in bed all day, in pain. Its more of a hidden disease where the PET scan comes out positive, followed by chemo, radiation, etc etc. Ofcourse she is getting weaker, lost all her hair, but mashaAllah still great in spirit. So, the DIL doesn't really feel sorry for her since she doesn't have the family bond with her that just the thought of losing her in a couple months would depress or sadden her the way the son might feel depressed.

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

p.s. the son DOES give his wife time and devotion. they go on regular trips and vacation together. just last month they went to california for a week, a few months before it was florida. They do go out shopping alone and watching movies every weekend or so, but the girl just wants more time than that.
I guess I'm asking, how much of the wife's demand is reasonable?

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

I'm sorry , but this DIL sounds like a petulant little brat.

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

Hidden disease?! Are you freaking kidding me!? Just because someone is not mourning all day in their bed! You’ve got to be kidding.

And the last paragraph about the DILs emotion just shows what kind of person she is. :rolleyes: .. I didnt know you had to have a family bond with someone to feel sorry for them in such harsh times. There was a guppan online here, I dont know her personally, only love to read her blogs, who recently lost her MIL and I have never met the MIL either, so I’ve no “family bond” yet I felt so incredible sorry for the entire family throughout the process and actually even cried several times.

And here you’re telling me, the MIL has lost all her hair, is undergoing treatment and the entire issue for the DIL is:

  • “couple time”? ..
  • “why husband is driving his mother around” ???
  • “shalwar kamez”?
    -“chai”???

:rolleyes:

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

I can only feel for the mother and what kinda spineless idiot was the son, I feel horrible for moving out of my parents house after reading this.

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

where is this situation taking place? pakistan or us uk?? if it is somewhere outside pakistan then i am sure hospitals and other cancer research charities will take care of `mil i know its her sons responsibility but if he such a ghade ki aulad then what is the point of that forced care? and i am sure in a few months time she will be admitted in the hospital where there will be plenty of people to take care of her

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

How long have they been married? That will explain A LOT

My mil just passed away after fighting cancer for 2.5 yrs....whilst yes, she will die sooner or later as brutally put as that is.... We should also admit that she is alive right now. Meaning everyone goes about life as usual with a lil bit of added work...for now...it will increase as her disease worsens (if chemo should god forbid stop working)...

So like u said... She (mil) goes out and about and does everything she would always do.... In the same way her husband, her son and her dil should too.

Life doesnt standstill unless u are dead.

Here...im with the di (cept the wish to move out..thats just wrong). AM also a dil...having gone throu what we did (my mil died last month)... I cant imagine being pushed to the side by my husband ...the kids...jsut so he could spend every waking hour with his mother for 2.5 yrs.. Waiting for mil to pass on so we could pick up on our lives where we left off. It doesnt work like that. She could live 5 yrs she could die morros (god forbid)...u cant put your relationship and life with your partner on hold cuz of a shakey variable.

All sides have to be fair, just and balanced. I know the number of trips a patient with stage 4 cancer takes to the hospital...asking just one lone person to take on that responsibility is really unfair. The fil needs to be the main supporter here...followed by ALL the children EQUALLY...saying one kid is the baby of the house and cant do jack to help out is a lame excuse... Maa uski hai, bahu ki nahi. id be very very pissed too if husband was the only one making the effort whi,st fil and the other siblings just looked on.

Hate this mentality of...bara beta hai..gadhay ki tarha laad do responsibility se.... Baki betay bait ker lolly suck kerein. Argh!

She just got diagnosed... Has started treatment...dont be too quick to write her off as good as dead and everyone should just sit by her and wait for it to happen.

It really doesnt work like that :)

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

How can u tel how she feels? The dil? I would like to know. This has touched a nerve cuz over the mourning period...we were told (both my nand and i) that we werent sad... Why? Cuz we werent ripping our hair out nor screaming nor crying out loud. I really really wanna know JUsT WHAT ppl want to see from ppl dealing with cancer. What?

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

Ok didnt read this bit until after posting my reply....will leave the reply up ...not so much for u anymore...but cuz i took time to write it damnit :D

The dil sounds weeird now

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

I don’t know Khawa…I see where you’re coming from, but I still don’t think that excuses the lack of empathy that this DIL is supposedly showing.

I am not close to my MIL at all, and the formality is definitely double sided. From the very beginning, she made clear that I was not her choice for her son, but it’s cool, we manage to coexist peacefully. She’s in fair health, but has had knee replacement surgery in both legs. I did what I could to help out, including staying at the hospital with her, but the majority of her care(drs appts…therapy…and all her immigration filing/appts etc) fall upon my husband…his elder bro doesn’t do squat. I’ve never complained or go onto him about being robbed of his attention..because that’s his mother! And on the flip side, when my parents were dying of cancer at the same time, and I was back and forth between two continents caring for them, I most definitely neglected him and our 3 kids, because of the situation. Thank god he never complained or resented it.

I just feel like parental care is a non negotiable, even if a DIL/SIL isn’t hands on with the care, at least don’t resent your spouse for doing the right thing. :hinna:

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

Cute, seeing you all getting worked up over this story.

To me it looks like poster has already made up her mind about DIL and only divulging the info that would reassure her that DIL is indeed bad bad bad. The post has all the hallmarks of a bollywood sad flick what with the irrational baddie!

BTW is this "heartless" DIL your bhabi?

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

Khatti: Totally… A person losing there parent dont need the added pressure of a pissed off spouse. I would just have been pissed at the other siblings for not putting in their bit…

Infavt i think thats whats mostly pissing me off… The loser kid bro.

Mr tall is the only son and the only child in the country… So it was just him and fil doing it all.

I wont lie… It got hard at times… But you are right… I didnt pull mr tall back either… U gotta do what u gotta do

BUT…had mr tall had had brothers and they werent pitching in… I woulda pulled their heads off!

Then they really wouldnt have been able to help mil out. Jayez waja right there!

:snooty:

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Re: DIL not wanting to live with MIL

agreed…which is why I said “supposedly” :D…maybe “allegedly” would have been more apt? :hmmm: