Difficult long distance relationship here, need your views.

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I have been regular reader of this forum, but this is the first time I made an account because I kind of need some advice here. I don’t know where to start, but I’ll try to keep it brief, so you people don’t get bored with my problem.

Basically, I have been in long distance relationship for year and half with a girl who lives in USA (I live in Canada), and we both are 22. About two weeks ago, she messaged me online saying she lost her cell phone and is really worried if someone finds the phone and returns it to her brother, she will be in a big trouble( because of all the messages that were on the phone). I sent her messages multiple times everyday asking her how it’s going, and she messaged me after 4 days saying he found the phone and found lot of stuff about her and she lost all his trust. She was like he isn’t going to work anymore, and she isn’t going to her school. So it’s been another 6 days now, I haven’t heard from her at all after so many messages everyday. At first I thought she got caught for sure, but seeing that she basically hasn’t stayed in touch at all makes me think just how badly she wanted to maybe move on from this relationship and that’s why created all this drama. I have missed my university for two weeks because of all the stress, I was hospitalized few days ago and I’m taking antidepressents. I kept my hopes up but now I’m starting to feel this is the end of us. I don’t know what is happening there if she really got caught or not, but if she is faking it, I just can’t come to terms why she would want to do it this way. I have cried everyday over this and been praying but so far nothing. I just love her a lot and badly want her, but my situation is so hopeless here that I don’t even know where exactly she lives in US other than the state name. I just badly fell in love with her, and I just pray to Allah somehow it can work out.

If anyone don’t mind and can discuss this personally with me, can you pm me with your Yahoo or MSN id. I’m just on it 24/7 pretty much, hoping she leaves me some message offline, but it’s been week now, but still waiting. Thanks

2

Well ur just 22, ur probably not gonna get married for 5 more years, so wait for 5 years, if she doesn't get back to you in that time, then its definitely time for you to move on. Crying doesn't help and neither do antidepressants.

Stop missing uni over this. Think about ur parents too, not just her.

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Re: Difficult long distance relationship here, need your views.

you know...if the girl cared for you as much as you do for her...she would have tried her best to contact you...so maybe its a sign saying to move on with your life...

And like BC said....think about your parents and the expectations they have of you....missing uni and crying isn't gonna solve this problem...all you need is time..so keep your mind busy and seriously dude...step away from the computer.....

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Re: Difficult long distance relationship here, need your views.

well u have pretty much two options ... either u can move on and try to forget about her ... or take this head on ... u have her number give her a call and whoever picks up talk to them that u really like this xyz person and u wanna marry them and try to do things that way ... as far as the grl is faking it or not ... if i were u i'd give her the benefit of the doubt here ...

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Re: Difficult long distance relationship here, need your views.

Is there anything else you can do aside from wait and while you're waiting...use your time productively? Go to uni, make your classes, do what you've been doing...is there anything else you can do?

Really think about it...what other option do you have?

I know it hurts, you're in pain and all you want to do is nurse your pain...but nursing it wont make it go away or make her call you any sooner.

Get busy with your life, family and school. She will call if she wants you back.

6

:lajawab:

make yrself busy by doing things that make yr whole body and mind work, lots of concentration and all…so that u have no time to think at all…

7

You're young, this happens, just occupy yourself with more important things. You have so much to accomplish in your life. Not going to school and getting sick isn't going to help. If you don't go to your classes, it's not like it's going to change things and make her call you. Take care of yourself. Getting sick or depressed is also going to worry your family. IF she's breaking it off on her own, then all this depression and the girl are not worth it.

I understand that you were in a relationship with her for a year and half. That's a long time. If she doesn't have her phone, then she can email you or IM you, there are other means of communication. It sounds a little filmi that her brother isn't going to work and she's stuck at home, not going to uni anymore. It's also a bit strange that she didn't tell you the city she lives in... that's just my opinion. But in the end, if it's meant to be and she's being genuine, she'll get a hold of you somehow since you are unable to. Stay positive, focused on other things and hang out with your friends.

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Re: Difficult long distance relationship here, need your views.

Like most others have said, all you can do is wait. You can try emailing her. She should be able to reply to that. Also, how long were you two together?

The best course of action would be to take care of yourself. At points like these, you need yourself to take care of you more. Do what is best for you. Busy yourself in activities you enjoy and try not to think about it. Don't listen to sad music and get rid of/hide things that will remind you of her.

Good luck! This is not easy, but BELIEVE ME you will get out of it JUST FINE. In about 2-3 weeks, you will be back to feeling as happy as you did about 2 weeks ago (research says so!).

Also, do not wait for her forever. Do NOT write your life off to her. One person is not worth it to lose your life over, no matter how much you love them. You need to take care of yourself, how-ever difficult that may be. And if you can love another person so much, you have the capacity to love yourself as much too, which is what you need.

9

Hey, well, I know I should get busy with other things and it will help, but that's like the hardest thing itself to do. I have really lost all hope I had, I have left her offline messages, e-mails, everything but got no response. I know these things happen in our culture, but hard to believe she can't write me anything in a freaking week.

I have called her cell phone, and most of the time it's switched off. Sometimes it rings but no one picks up. I would think if her brother has the phone, he wouldn't even wait for me to call, but call me himself and tell me to get the heck out of his sister's life if he's that offended. But no one even picks up when the phone is on, so just makes me believe she turns it on and makes call where ever she wants, and switches it back off. I wish she told me for sure what is going on, even if she wants to break up.

In her message a week ago, she said her phone will get switched on and off ( before that it had been like temporarily cancelled, but how did she know her brother was going to switch it on and off). Then she said he or her bhabi might call me and tell me to get away from her, but you just say what you want and don't say anything stupid, tell them you are willing to wait or whatever. I just don't know what this meant. She told me talk to you later, she knows I get worried quickly and the day she lost the phone, she messaged me twice saying don't go crazy or wonder what happened, it's just I don't have my phone anymore. So I don't know what to believe here, if she was able to leave me message 2 days after her bro found out and she managed to find a way to let me know, then now it's been a week almost.

What is really strange for me is after she lost the phone, I kept calling, it rang and everything, I left text messages, but if anyone had found the phone and wanted to return it, they would have picked up at least I think. If they didn't want to return it, they would have shut down the phone.

And yes I know it's strange I don't know anything about her, but yes we were in a year and half relationship and in love with each other, she had busy life and we both woke up early in the mornings to talk to each other. I am 50-50 between what is really happening, and that's why it's proving to be the hardest to move on. I just feel like I can't fall in love again anymore, no matter how much that other person will love me, I just can't get this girl out of my mind. Even anti depressents, mood elevating pills that I been taking don't help me. I'm feeling devastated, lost, as I put so much into this relationship, called her 3-4 hours everyday even when I was in Pakistan during summer.

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Re: Difficult long distance relationship here, need your views.

Dude she doesn't wana stay in touch with you . Just move on . Consider it part of growing up and next time try to be more emotionally intelligent .

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A week of not talking to her shouldn't matter... you'll have plenty of time to talk to her later on IF it's meant to be. If you keep telling yourself that it's hard to move on with your life, then it will be hard and you'll never take the first step of moving on. You need to have more of a positive attitude and actually TAKE action. Go hit the gym. It'll take your mind off of things.

If her brother has her phone, then he could block your number too. If you have been calling so many times and leaving messages, the brother would eventually get sick of it and call you back. There is something strange going on here. But whatever it is, she has to deal with it. You trying to contact her won't make her brother less protective.

You'll fall in love again, it's not like it's going to happen tomorrow. Your mind is stuck on this one girl, and you need to take your mind off of her. Seriously, hit the gym, go to school, read, pray, listen to music, watch TV, hang out with friends and family... it'll fill up your entire day, you'll be off of those anti-depressants and stop thinking of her. Don't let this girl or your emotions control you.

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Re: Difficult long distance relationship here, need your views.

Listen dude, relationship without association are rarely strong in us n can. First Are you sure she lost her phone??. second You send her message and shows your efforts. Now its her turn. This already happened with my many friend and One side doest work at all

13

If her brother had her phone, he would've answered or called back. If someone took her phone they'd keep it switched-off. She doesn't any contact from the looks of it.

It's best to absorb yourself completely and stop missing University! As harsh as it may sound someone who's giving you the cold-shoulder should be ignored. Ignore her and get back on-track right away! You can't put your life on 'hold' for someone that doesn't even care or has the decency to let you know that she wants a 'clean break'.

Good luck!

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Re: Difficult long distance relationship here, need your views.

^yeah exactly! It's gonna seem hard to get over this but if you care about yourself and want to move on then you'll have to be strong. Don't ruin your education over the girl who doesn't give a damn about you..cuz lets face it: she's gone. who knows if she'll come back or not. Pray, make dua..it's the best remedy out there.

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Re: Difficult long distance relationship here, need your views.

most probably she was done with you and is now looking for some new source of entertainment. Accept the fact and move one. this is the risk you talk in long distance relationship.

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First of all, pull yourself together dude!

I'm assuming that this is a case of an "e-relationship" i.e. you haven't met the girl in real life and met her through chatting on the net. Dude, If this is the case here, it wasn't really a relationship to begin with. You don't really know a person until you have met them. She could have been lying to you about GOD knows what things just to keep the both of you entertained and give you the feeling of being someone she is not.

Now we all know that what we say about her won't matter to you, because you "love" her. We all, except yourself know that it isn't really love though. Trust me, within a few more days you'll be embarrassed about yourself for acting all EMO. You'll realize that it wasn't worth all the stress.

Just hang in there and try not to stay at the comp. Go out and do something productive. Try to meet some real females.

Good Luck.

Edit:

What about are your parents? Do you still live at home? If yes, why haven't your parents done anything to keep you away from the comp? I mean you were hospitalized because of all the stress and stuff. If I'd still live with my parents, my mom would have slapped me and told me to get some rest. LOL And she would have made it damn sure that I'm not wasting any minute in front of the screen.

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Re: Difficult long distance relationship here, need your views.

Why on earth would you even get involved like that with someone who doesnt even live in the same bloody country as you?! Your taking anti-depressants and your 22? Well done! Over a girl, Thats pathetic, Im sorry but your making yourself more depressed, For goodness sake, snap out of it, Dont ruin your future for the sake of a girl who probly doesnt even give a damn wether your heartbroken or not!

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Re: Difficult long distance relationship here, need your views.

Easy for a bunch of online people to say that to someone who's going through a bad phase in life.

That blows.

[QUOTE]
In about 2-3 weeks, you will be back to feeling as happy as you did about 2 weeks ago (research says so!).
[/QUOTE]

That honestly made absolutely no sense to me. Research, seriously?

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dude everyone knows it's not easy and what they'r etrying to do is get this haertbroken person back on the track...surely it wouldnt help him much if we told him 'yeah you should feel so depressed, take anti-deps and stop leaving life coz she left u'?...what he's doing wont really help him and is neither useful to him, so what's wrong if others give him advices on how to start living a happy life again??
and people online are humans and they go through pretty rough times as well and most of them here at life1 are quite experienced?

maybe the research here above doesnt make sense but the posters do and they have done a great job which am sure u'll agree with me only if u broaden yr perspective

peace

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Re: Difficult long distance relationship here, need your views.

thts the good thing with long distant/Internet relationships, if ur want out all u have to do is stop answering calls emails etc etc