I have come onto this board due to an issue that a friend of mine has and I thought I would request some opinions.
Through a marriage aunty my friend met a girl that he chatted to for about two weeks and as far as I know he got on really well with her. The issue is that he also found out through a close friend that she had a socially active early university life, so to speak and she had basically slept with one of his close friends who would rather not talk about it as he has realised his mistakes and moved on.
Now he has raised this issue with the girl and she has admitted her past and has stated that she has moved on and went to umraa the previous year and all the wrongs are now past her.
What should this friend do as the friend she had previously slept with is still pretty much in his life. For once I honestly don’t know what advice to give him.
One final note he is a pretty religious person and he did state that he would refer the matter to his maulvi/sheikh as to the decision to take, they normally do istikhara or something I think.
^ from what I can understand from above is that she has repented. Your friend should marry her only and only IF he is willing to forget about her past and that he will never bring it up to her after marriage. But yes he should first ask her to leave that friend of hers whom she slept with as obviously her friendship with him will not bear any good things to their married life.
I think that could be a cause for friction in a marriage...sometimes when people think they are willing to forget, they don't always and considering he is still close with his friend, it'll be a constant reminder for him which could be quite awkward.
He should also seek the opinion of a maulvi and do Istikhara so his mind is at rest!
The issue is that the guy is his friend, she has forgotten about him and doesn't want to know, she has stated what happened but doesn't want to see the friend again.
So really the issue is with my friend, does he carry on with her, knowing too well that he has known his friend who slept with her for over 5 years or does he break it off a nd forget about her even though she supposedly ticks all the right boxes.
Do not advise "others". This is a matter between them. sometimes it's difficult to accept the person, sometimes you are able to forget the issues and accept. Let them deal with it.
I would advise against it specially when you are saying that your friend is a very religious person.
"oh she committed a mistake and now regrets it" sound good to ear but relationship later on may get complicated.
I can not understand how a Muslim girl or boy can "sleep" with someone. Just and idea of doing it sends a wave of shiver in my body ..head to toe that is.....kuch khoof nahee hota in ko khuda ka ....
The issue is that the guy is his friend, she has forgotten about him and doesn't want to know, she has stated what happened but doesn't want to see the friend again.
So really the issue is with my friend, does he carry on with her, knowing too well that he has known his friend who slept with her for over 5 years or does he break it off a nd forget about her even though she supposedly ticks all the right boxes.
so tehy were in a relationship for 5 years ? and she slept with him , so they must have been very serious...
everybody makes mistakes , everyone has a past , and if one has repented no one should hold their past against them
BUT it depends on the individual , if the guy thinks he can handle her past also knowing that she went out and slept with one of his close friends that he may see every now and then , then yes go ahead.
but if everytime he will see her ex there will be an argument or if he wont trust her and be all posessive , then no ...
its difficult because you dont know how you will react until you are in the situation . its all very well now..
I meant it happened five years ago and I don't really now anything else but it was a one off and that was it they never mentioned it or something like that I think he said.
The fact is 5 years ago his mate slept with the girl he's chatting to and now its come back to bite them both in the arse to put it bluntly. As far as I know he wants to do istikhara and if positive then chat to her but be extra cautious as to whether she has moved on and if all is fine then carry on.
Thats the advice I would give him but then if I was in the situation I may react a little differently.
She has repented. She has admitted her faults. She has also asked forgivness from Allah. She's done everything, And now wants to live a sin-free life by getting married. Thats her. Now if your friend can forgive and forget the issue that she slept with his friend, (bare in mind she didnt even know this guy shes gna get married too) So she didnt even know. Then if he can let it go, Then marry her. Atleast she didnt lie and be like one of them sly girls that twist things. She admitted it str8 away. HE doesnt need to go to anyone, HE'S marrying her. If he cant accept the fact she slept with his close friend, Then dont marry her. It will either end up in divorce OR both of their lives will be hell. Only HE knows what to do.. No one else!
I say leave it. Theres gonna be problems, The guy is stil in his life, There-fore if they all ever meet up its gonna be awkward between him n her. Ok lets put it this way, If i found out my boyfriend slept with my best friend b4 i knew him i wudnt get with him, i wudnt ask for advice i wud jus leave it. And same with him i assume, if i slept with HIS friend, he wud not be with me. Let alone marry me. Its simple.
It's by pure luck and chance that he is friends with one guy she slept with, otherwise do you think she would have admitted this past sexual encounter ? Now this girl is what in her early/mid 20's, how many relationships/sexual partners must she have really had ? .... When you catch a criminal what do they say? They say its the only time they've committed that crime.
you got 2 options
1) you can sleep with her, then pass the parcel on like your friend did and most probably many other guys did.
2) you can wife her, but her level of promiscuity will always be in the back of your mind, causing great distress, mistrust and paranoia. As most people know you need trust in any relationship.
To be honest it's a str8forward answer, but the thing with many Asian guys is they find a so hard to get a girl, that they don't mind Wifing a girl, even knowing that if she is the village bike.
Don't buy into this whole 'past is the past' argument , that just used as an excuse by people with a past to try and justify their actions. It is your past experiences that form a person's present personality.
If he can't get pass it then it will only be a bigger problem after marriage . He better avoid it unless he is in love with her or she is like super duper hot or something .
was virginity a clause/criteria for a marriage partner? if so.. just leave it.
It will ALWAYS be in the back of the guys mind.
She has repented and moved on.... let her find somenoe who doesnt think it'll bother him.
Its funny how one religious guy can be friends with someone who sleeps around just cus this friend is a guy... but if its a girl... its a whole new ball game
He is asking for a bunch of trouble later on. It clearly bothers him already.
Like my other thread...most people would not be comfortable with the situation. It's not that she's no virgin anymore. It's that his dude has been in his neighborhood.
If he can't get pass it then it will only be a bigger problem after marriage . He better avoid it unless he is in love with her or she is like super duper hot or something .