AS IN GIFTS…my sister getting married, whats normal to give your sister, when you are married, obv if i wasnt married i would maybe give differently, but once married, what did u give/recieved from your elder married sister…
and is it normal for me to expect that my husband would give more to his own sister than my sister at their respected weddings..? obv his sister is his responsilbilty etc etc so he may give lots more, but should i expect same for my own sister?
we giving my sister a gold ring and 2000 rupees to her husband on the day of baraat…( its in pak) this ok?
Re: difference between sister wedding and sis-in law?
Most probably he will give his sister more, but then again if he has a close relationship with your sister he might tell you to give more stuff as well but don't expect it to be the same. I think gold ring and money( i don't know about the amount though) is good. Also it depends on your sisters taste. Like a lot of people would rather prefer money and jewellery, than being given stuff for the house that they might not use.
Re: difference between sister wedding and sis-in law?
give something together from both of you. the total should be similar. it;s not about mine and yours. you should make every effort to be part of his family, and he part of yours.
Re: difference between sister wedding and sis-in law?
give something together from both of you. the total should be similar. it;s not about mine and yours. you should make every effort to be part of his family, and he part of yours.
its from the both of us.....he doesnt realy mind, but hes not really openly giving either...i dunno....he says his sister is HIS RESPONSIBILITY so he HAS to give, its a mandatory older brother rule....he says i can give her a ring either one of mine or new one, either way gold is exp, and hel give him 2000 rp
at the moment we ar emoving to pak, he wont have a job there as soon as h gets there, so u can assume we are jobless at the moment, even though 5000 is only 40pounds or so...
Re: difference between sister wedding and sis-in law?
i think its diff in the sense that an unmarried sis gets wedded by the help of her father and brother(s)... its their home wedding and so everyone chips in to get the girl married off.... the married sis of that girl and her husband are outsiders.... they dont have to get her jahez ready, nor any of the other shabang that goes into getting a girl married... its not their responsibility (unless they need help from this married sister, in which case her husband has to be ok with it cuz remember, its not his responsibility to get his wife's sis married- ya phir the married sis is using her own money to help out in the wedding).... if its none of this... te married sis and her husband give a gift or gifts of whatever value tey can afford or would like to
at my sil's wedding.. my husband helped with putting the wedding together money wise.. and then for the wedding gift, we gave them cash as well as gold.
but for my brother's wedding, we wont be helping in putting the wedding together, but the gift giving will be cash, some gold and a gift they can use together .. maybe like a camcorder etc. its what we as a couple are happy doing. and can afford. if my husband were to say buss itna karo. then i woudl go along with that much only. but since my husband has a very good relationship with my brother... he wants to do a whole lot for the guy (bro did the same for us at our wedding.. he was unmarried so he didnt give me gold.. but cash and a camcorder).
nadzz... i think what you guys are doing for gift giving is fine... may increase the money to atleast 5000 though. if you guys can afford it... if not... its fine :)
though i dont agree with the thought of giving a gift differently depending if its the wife's siblings or the husband's... they should be equal .
Re: difference between sister wedding and sis-in law?
hmmm dunno, thing is we have roughly 5000pounds we are taking with us, and he doesnt have a job there yet, his sis is getting married and they are moving house, so he needs to contribute to all that as an elder brother plus he needs to get a car etc, and plus we have a baby so all her stuff, he said peshawar ka rivaaj hai to put a haar on the groom ( the money one) and the girl gets gold, or people there ive seen give 1000r and those who are well off give 1000 thats it, on my wedding my husband got money haar, and i got 1000, he also got some money too....the max he got was 5000 that was from a rich aunt....so according to their traditons and such, thats what they do......its only here in the uk we give alot....dunno now...confused...still giving the ring, and haar, and an outfit each for my sisters and mum.....am confused...
i dnt want to label him stingy, or whatever, there are times hes generous, but im wanting to find fault in this...he said give ur sister whatever can afford, but obviously i cant afford a whole set...
Re: difference between sister wedding and sis-in law?
i dnt agree either, but he says its hes responsible for his sister, to get her married, i know my mammus did that for their sisters etc.....but we dnt have that money at the moment to even get his own sister married off properly, as in all the gold/clothes etc....dunno...should i think badly of him? u guys know meeee
Re: difference between sister wedding and sis-in law?
In theory it seems like not much, as I have seen close realtives give more, like 5-15,000, but I am sure that was without gold. However, like others have mentioned before, his sister is kind of his responsibility, so naturally you will contribute more. You shouldn't think badly of him at all, as you should really give what you can afford, and if you are giving a ring too from the both of you & taking into consideration the tradition of where you are, it seems great.
Re: difference between sister wedding and sis-in law?
2000 is a very small amount. Her inlaws are going to think you and your husband are cheap. I would go with 20,000- that is the range for close relatives for their weddings. dont go lower and compromise. People in pakistan and india notice these things.
Re: difference between sister wedding and sis-in law?
Also, I forgot to add that this is where you need to compromise on something else (like youre own shopping, etc) and send her off well. We can go on and on about how its all traditions and blah blah, but the fact is that these things are important. If you are marrying her in pakistan (with all of your extended family to attend), then of course this was coming.
Re: difference between sister wedding and sis-in law?
The ring and the 2000 rps are for your sister? Sorry I just got confused reading all the replies.
I agree very much with Khawa on this issue. As your husband is the elder brother of the family and he is married, his responsibilities towards his family has also increased. Meaning, when wedding off his sister obviously his contribution to the whole wedding will be much more than yours to your sister. But if you keep the two tings apart, I mean the contribution in the wedding and the gifts, then it can be the same. Like the gifts for both set of sisters will be the same - 1 ring and 2000 rps. 2000 is a bit low amount, but from your post, it seems that is the tradition there, so go along with it. No need to burden yourself further.
In short, keep the gifts the same for both sisters. However, dont try to stop your husband from pitching in to help with the wedding preparations, as this only will turn into a sour battle for you. You can view it like this, your husband, you and your income are a "part" of his family, hence him contributing to the wedding is no "asaan" on the sister, it is more or less seen as his "farz" as the elder brother.
Re: difference between sister wedding and sis-in law?
Maybe its because I work myself, I would never, ever have to choose between my sister and sis in law. My sister's younger than me, and when she gets married, I'm going to give her something really special, and I wont let anyone let me tell me otherwise.
Thank God my fiancee believes in exchanging gifts and other stuff equally, and not the 'traditional' belief of people that the wife is just supposed to act like a guest at her sister's wedding, I mean Come on, you're not blood relatives to your sister-in-law, why would anyone choose them over their own siblings?
As far as how much you're giving, In Lahore close relatives from well-off circles are giving a minimum of Rs.5000 if not more, Maybe Peshawar is a different story, but hey, what can you buy with Rs. 2000 these days anyway?
Technically the sister is the parent's responsibility to wed-off, not the sister's OR the brother's. So if he gave more to his sister, he SHOULD give something similar to your sister,too.
He's picking and choosing based on who's he close to.
Re: difference between sister wedding and sis-in law?
since ur giving a gold ring to your sis..give atleast 5000 rupees to ur BIL. Otherwise do whatever suits you! Its gonna be tough for you guys, since ur moving with a baby and all...
But we got 5000's... very rare 1000, 2000 rupees. I think nowadays in most families 5000 is a minimum.
Re: difference between sister wedding and sis-in law?
Maybe its because I work myself, I would never, ever have to choose between my sister and sis in law. My sister's younger than me, and when she gets married, I'm going to give her something really special, and I wont let anyone let me tell me otherwise.
Thank God my fiancee believes in exchanging gifts and other stuff equally, and not the 'traditional' belief of people that the wife is just supposed to act like a guest at her sister's wedding, I mean Come on, you're not blood relatives to your sister-in-law, why would anyone choose them over their own siblings?
As far as how much you're giving, In Lahore close relatives from well-off circles are giving a minimum of Rs.5000 if not more, Maybe Peshawar is a different story, but hey, what can you buy with Rs. 2000 these days anyway?
Technically the sister is the parent's responsibility to wed-off, not the sister's OR the brother's. So if he gave more to his sister, he SHOULD give something similar to your sister,too.
He's picking and choosing based on who's he close to.
Agree with most of your post. But the last paragraph is very theoretically speaking. I think we can both agree that this is not the norm in pakistan. If the brother is still living with his family, it will somehow become his responsibility to wedoff his sister and from Nadz post it does also seem like husband is of that mindset. I dont think there is any need to make a hungama based on that, though like I mentioned, the sisters should both get the same gifts!
Re: difference between sister wedding and sis-in law?
AS IN GIFTS....my sister getting married, whats normal to give your sister, when you are married, obv if i wasnt married i would maybe give differently, but once married, what did u give/recieved from your elder married sister.....
*and is it normal for me to expect that my husband would give more to his own sister than my sister at their respected weddings..? obv his sister is his responsilbilty etc etc so he may give lots more, but should i expect same for my own sister? *
we giving my sister a gold ring and 2000 rupees to her husband on the day of baraat....( its in pak) this ok?
1) Who is the person that is arranging for your sister's wedding? If it's primarily your father.......then he has the greater responsibility to pay for the wedding expenes (the hall, catering, etc). ***Keep in mind that if your HUSBAND is primarily the person who will be arranging his sister's wedding (let say that his dad doesn't work and they financially depend upon your husband).............then your husband will pay for gifts, catering, halls, etc. And if that's the case.......it seems kind of odd......to expect your husband (when he has this HUGE responsibility)....to spend the same exact amount for YOUR SISTER as well. Does that make sense?
2) Your husband needs to be considerate here (i'm not saying he isn't).....because in your case....your husband is your cousin. So YOUR SISTER is his cousin....so she's more than just a sister-in-law....she's like his sister....so he should be generous.
^But don't expect your husband to pay the same exact amount for your sister....especially if he's not the the chief expense bearer of your sister's wedding.
3) From reading your previous threads.....your husband is not the demonstrative kind of guy who takes initiative in giving gifts to others. BUT.......Alhumdolillah......he has never stopped you from spending money on your family (and he's the breadwinner). So, he doens't stop you......that's a good thing.......be grateful for that......and try not to pick him apart for not taking enough initiative for picking out stuff to give your sister. He knows his sister better than you......and you know your sister better than him.
4) I dunno Nadz. It's the whole issue of "comparing immediate family and in-laws" that has gotten you riled up before and.....dwelling on this often...can lead to drama. Easier said than done...but don't get your mind geared up for making comparisons and picking arguments down the road.
Re: difference between sister wedding and sis-in law?
Sorry, RS 2,000 seems too little.
We were in Pakistan in November, my brother had his nikah done (no rukhsati), I'm not married and I gave my sister-in-law RS 10,000. My dad also gave her RS 10,000.
I'm REALLY close to my brother and I wanted to do something nice for his wife.
