Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

Lifestyle Relationships
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Hello

ok im not having a baby or anything, not even married, this thread was inspired by another thread.

Women in pakistan can get maids/little girls to help them with the kids or housework for not very expensive prices.

I know living in UK there are mothers who work, juggle 3 kids, put a meal on the table every night and have a social life ( maybe not a huge one) but still.

I didnt want to say this in the other thread, but i know my mum bought up 2 kids, worked and looked after our home very well and family who come visit like everyt weekend.

It kind of…annoyed me…i dont want to be mean or anything…but i dont know why i just felt the need to express myself.

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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

Alvena every place has its own standards. In Pak every house keeps maid so its a norm. in West its a majbori. were labour cheap here many would go for it. of course when ur mom went to work she must hav left u @ a daycare or after school care. even in calgary the trend to get nannies from abroad is increasing esp with working or studying moms.
i'm a big no no for being a super mom n super wife. u need to act like humans not machines when u go by the clock n wish for some relaxements. If u talk to ur mom she'll tell u how she tackled all this.
Also raising 2 kids n doing job but living in ur house is very different than living with in-laws. when u r among in-laws everything has to b done acc their standards. u cannot skip anything orhav any schedules of ur choice. So i hope u understand

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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

I guess i do understand that paksiatn is different as i go every year and see my cousins with their children and their maids.

My mum lived with her in laws for the first 4 years of my life, my brother was also constantly in and out of hospital and my dad being a doctor was super busy. But i never had a nanny, i went to nursery which ended at 4 but my mum and dad were always there to pick me up.

My phupo in calgary ( i bet you know her) if you live on the west side!did the same as my mum and lived in a joint family, they never had foreign nannies...

I am not saying anyone is wrong or right and maybe i would have a maid too if i could.

I guess im not used to it..

I dont know what im trying to say!

The Random Thread
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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

i know wat u r trying to say. its if my mom can do it why can't others. but every person is diff n every situation is diff.

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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

And look at the stats..What do most British Paksitanis become with they grow up?.. Drop outs.

I think we are proudly layering the bottom of the education league tables. Buffering it for the west Indians and Bengalis. :hehe:

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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

Mabrook....i think its more of the mums i see everyday, not just my mum!

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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

Totally understand what ur saying :)

im a mommy and i work and because I have seen my mum juggle work, 3 kids, and getting dinner on the table (each night) for about 15-16 years.. I make it a point that I need to do the same. And when i dont do it, I get really down on myself..

But thats when i remind myself, that when my mum did all that, we were primary school students (except for sis who was in daycare).. so it was slightly easier and her timings were not TOO bad...

Everyone has their own way of doing things. I can afford to get someone to clean my house, but again, seeing what my mum did, I feel rather guitly for even approaching someone. I HAVE to do EVERYTHING myself... only cus ive seen it happen that way... Even in pakistan, when mum didnt work and we were little, mum did the cleaning herself... i dont ever recall having a maid... hmmm

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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

Alvena i was brought up in middle east. we were five n my mom never had any help from outside. So does all our friends there as getting maids was hard there then..Same is here in canada. i see myself n tons of other friends who take or have no help but wat's the point?
y refuse to ask for help if u need it? y think its gr8 to endure all hardships n be the super mom? i'm not advocating being lazy here but when u feel u can't cope with it u need help n yes either families should support u or if u can hire help u should hire it.

Wht r u doing ?
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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

i looooooove being a super mum :)

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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

I do understand your point :)

I think what got to me from the thread about maids and babies...was the thing about having to carry a baby and not being bothered to.......if you can afford a maid you can afford a pram, walker, bouncy thing to put in doors...

Its just that bit....i think....

But i do agree if you cant cope and you can afford it ( much easier in pak) then go for it

Im like sadz though, i know i would love to be like my mum in that respect

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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

trust me, a bouncer rather than a person is a lot better for the bubz!

neways, im just a bit stubborn about doing things... its something im trying to deal with these days as it drives the hubz insane..

Lafz ba Lafz- Poetry game
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thats kinda how im feeling after reading the same thread... i read ur points mabrook and yes if u can get help then why refuse it but if its going to create rifts then you should know when to let things go and cope on your own. Women have children everyday and cope under the most extreme circumstances in raising kids an pleasing others around them. Its very much do-able so whats the point in getting flustered if you have to do it yourself? i have seen myself some people act as if their the first woman going through the downs of motherhood (and im not referring to the thread starter, talking in general)

i think at the end of the day it boils down to people who are use to juggling alot and people who dont so much as living in the fast lane. But if u can avoid a problem and make urs and other peoples life peaceful then whats the point of moaning about it?

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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

Lama that thread is diff. there i totally agreed if its causing prob inside ur family u should totally avoid getting a maid n tackle on ur own. this is wat i suggested.

but as general speaking if one wants to keep one or afford one i'm all in favour. i know women r having kids every day but seeing them having n having ur own is diff. esp with first child u need to do a lot of adjustments. its a totally diff experience plus u r urself learning how to balance b/w diff roles.

many in-laws don't take into consideration that a new mom needs coping time or rest. they want her to keep doing same routine plus look after the baby well. i find Gullible's in-laws insistence on not having a maid as unreasonable. but since they r being unreasonable there's no point in fighting back.

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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

it'd be an awesome life i fi can just take care of the kid and cooking...and let someone else worry about cleaning.

Gaon ke log hain hum shehr main kam aate hain
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my hubby promised me k jub sub bachchay baray ho jaain gay he’ll get me a live in Nanny :no:

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I don't understand why it annoys you? Lets just be happy for others, live our own life and enjoy it and lets not judge others. It's up to them if they want to hire a maid. I have never ever lost sleep why my next door neighbour or why someone I don't know in another continent has 4 maids! Hehe!

There are so many people in UK with servants as well. Ironing, washing, cleaning the kitchen, toilets, doing the gardening etc. I am from UK. I have a maid, gardener etc. Hope I am not going to be judged too?

There is nothing wrong with hiring a maid to help you with your housework. It's your money and you can do whatever you want with it. The reason why people can hire maids at, "not very expensive prices" in Pakistan is b/c there is so much poverty there and labour is cheap e.g. a washing maid charges Rs 500/- for washing clothes etc. Most of my fam' in PK have maids. I once saw some underprivileged people literally begged for work from my MIL and just to help them as she knew they had no education etc she created jobs around the garden, house etc. If we can help them in Pakistan, they why not? My MIL's servants all get fresh food x3 daily, new clothes, clean water to have a shower and get treated with so much respect, and they get none of these things at home! Its so sad!

What if a wife is disabled, except you don’t know she is disabled and it, "annoys" you why she had a maid to help her with housework? Thats not fair to judge.

Also remember that being a Maid is someone's job! I.e. it brings in money in.

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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

Alvena, the global economy is very strained these days. It's tough for everyone. And if the average middle class is struggling......it must be even more difficult for those who belong to the lower class.....who don't have sufficient education/degree......to find a decent job to support their families.....and a bad economy means a shortage of jobs. Some people in this situation might be grateful to find a job as a maid if it will put food on their table.

Keep in mind that nobody is going around forcing the maids to work for them. Rather....they go looking for such employment because they need it. They're not working for free........they get paid. And cleaning houses is better than some other desperate professions such as prostitution or sweeping garbage off the streets.

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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

My MIL's servant is a young driver. I was so shocked to hear that he was a medical student but something so awful happened, his parents were shot, his sister was beaten and he was homeless! He had no money to buy food let alone pay for his uni tuition! One night he was crying outside my MIL's home, roaming the street begging for work! Now he works as a Driver. Even my FIL offered to pay for his tuition but he is so mentally disturbed with his past that he refuses this offer.

So so shocking and sad.

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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

i think Alvena's point was not why do people work as maids or drivers, but more about the need of getting help.

Obviously, most people would want to help out someone who was in trouble. If I saw a kid that needed help, i might want to pay for their schooling, or think of giving them some other kind of support... and if they in turn want to help out at home, thats their choice.

The topic is more about how some of our mothers were able to cope with all types of responsibilities without hiring a maid... that's all :)

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Re: Difference between being a mother in pakistan and abroad.

^ I am sure if those mothers were offered maids then they would hire them! Nothing wrong in it at all.

Some of my friends would love to have maids but its really expensive to hire them in UK. Some would love that extra alone-time or time to go out to the gym, get their hair done or catch up on some extra sleep while kids are in school etc instead of doing the 2-hour washing or cleaning the house! Sometimes it feels nice to be spoilt! Again this is not a crime. Hehe!

It is possible to do all the housework, be a housewife and bring up children without the help of maids. Millions of women are doing this, I am sure. But again, everyone's situation is different, everyone has their own personal reasons and if an individual wants to hire a maid then who are we to judge? Its their money and their life. :)