I was talking to a friend about this the other day and neither of us cried at our rukhsati; we were both raised in Canada but our weddings took place in Pakistan. Both of us felt kind of detached because we knew we’d be coming back and living near my parents. Also, everyone at the wedding was pretty much a stranger and neither of us really felt comfortable enough to express such a personal emotion around them.
My husband likes to tease me about this , but what he doesn’t know is that the day before our nikkah, I randomly started crying and couldn’t stop for like 3 hours. I didn’t even know why I was crying. I still remember my whole family was gathered around me; even my younger brother was awkwardly trying to console me. My mom, I think, was more concerned about me having a puffy face at the Nikkah lol. But I still felt much lighter after my cry fest and felt more ready to face what was coming.
Is it just me or can anyone else relate to this? What is it with the whole crying in public and making a scene in brown weddings? I’ve noticed most foreign born girls are more reserved with their emotions in such a public setting. Agree or disagree?
Note: Mods, please don’t move this to the wedding thread. I’m more interested in discussing how family dynamics and personality affect one’s attitudes and reactions.
i cried alot month before my wedding. i also got married in Pakistan so the week before the wedding i was so stressed about the preparations that i did not cry. he nikkah was at noon and mnedhi the same day evening...i was fine unil i signed the nikkahnama. tears started rolling non.stop and i didnt even know. i cried so much. then baraat i was fine and at rukhsati i cried but not as much as i thought. it was all so quick. then i sat in the car and 2 of my cousins started making me laugh so hard. the car was parked while all guests left. my brother even came for chit chat to our car. and he joked that werent you crying a while ago.
Really? I find that surprising. Most of my childhood memories of weddings consist of the bride sobbing as she walks to her dulha’s decked out car, hugging all her relatives as she goes. I haven’t seen much of it in recent days, but I thought that was because most of my friends are like me and don’t like to make a scene in public. From what I know it’s still pretty common in Pakistan to cry at your rukhsati, and if you don’t, all the aunties like to “haw hai” over it. I was even told not to smile at my own wedding because it looks like you’re too “eager”. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Really? I find that surprising. Most of my childhood memories of weddings consist of the bride sobbing as she walks to her dulha's decked out car, hugging all her relatives as she goes. I haven't seen much of it in recent days, but I thought that was because most of my friends are like me and don't like to make a scene in public. From what I know it's still pretty common in Pakistan to cry at your rukhsati, and if you don't, all the aunties like to "haw hai" over it. I was even told not to smile at my own wedding because
it looks like you're too "eager". Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
I don't know, I guess here in the U.S. In my social circle and family, most of us have not had arranged marriages so the depression/ fear factor of "ruhksati" is not really there anymore? The only real emotional crying ruhksati I've seen was my khala's and I was 9 yrs old at the time lol. In recent memory, be it friends, family or whatever, I honestly have not seen any prolonged years or lots of crying. My own niece got married 2.5 weeks ago, and there wasn't a single tear shed at her ruhksati lol..it was all laughter and joking.
I saw Shilpa Shetty looking really beautiful crying in this movie Dharkan…so I thought crying would add charm to my looks but when I saw the pictures and movie of my wedding I got really pissed.
I got into arguments with my sister as her wedding approached and haughtily decided to myself that good riddens I ain't crying at her wedding. Boy was I sooo wrong, lol. I cried on mehndi and wedding. There's something about seeing tears in your parents eyes; it can weaken the resolve of even the strongest person.
I remember when my cousin got nikkahfied she and her mom were crying. It made me pretty emotional too. LOL. Like what did it matter to me, her ama was crying because her beti was leaving, why the hell did I get tears in my eyes lol.
I didn't cry at the nikkah in the morning. Mom cried.
Then during rukhsati at night, I hugged everybody and I was totally fine even though my mom and sis and Khalas were crying. Then right before I got in the car I hugged my dad and he held me so tight and wouldn't let go. I could feel his body shaking as he cried. I tried consoling him but I started crying too.
This was in America but I was moving states. I was leaving my entire family behind so it was pretty emotional. Also, other than leaving family it's also something about your parents doing their job and raising you and now islamically your father isn't your guardian anymore, and he's saying goodbye and letting you go.
My nikkah took place a few months before my wedding- I did not cry at all. Mostly I was concerned about the preparations, my makeup etc. Once the nikkah was done, my aunties came inside to get me (as I was in a separate room) to take me to the stage area. I remember sitting there with my friends when my chachi walked in and I asked her "is it done?" (I wanted to get out there and see hubby- was sick of being in the room lol and it was my day!). Well. As soon as I said that she burst into tears and I began trying to console her lol saying things like "but Aunty I'm not going anywhere, ruksathi isn't for 6 months" etc. I could see my friends trying not to laugh and then my best friend got up and hugged my Aunty and then they all took me out. When I walked out there, to be honest I was too focused on hubby to notice much of anything else. It was only when we received the nikkah pics that I saw every single one of my aunties and mom had been crying and even my dad! I got a bit teary then but that was it.
On my mehndi night- my grandmother and mom were crying after the function and of course everyone (except me!) cried at the ruksathi. I also think the fact that I had a love marriage contributed to the not crying part in my case.
I saw Shilpa Shetty looking really beautiful crying in this movie Dharkan…so I thought crying would add charm to my looks but when I saw the pictures and movie of my wedding I got really pissed.
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