But when I say true love, I mean the childish, unconditional, selfless love which many of our SO/ bf/ hubby’s give us.
Yesterday I was on webcam with my SO, while my Mom was behind me doing something. So I was wearing this new little hair clip and he noticed it, by asking me if it was new. Later on my mom said to me in Urdu, as to how lucky I am that this guy sitting across the ocean even bothered to notice my hair clip and complimented me on it. And than she said what broke my heart, “kash meray liyay be koie ker lay tha.”
I had to control my tears.
And this reminds me of the scene from the movie “Because I said So” where Mandy Moore is telling her Mom how amazing her bf is and that he’s really good in bed. Than they start talking about getting an “O,” to which her mother replies, what does that feel like?
So I don’t know if it’s just my observation but did our Moms really miss out on true love?
as much parents (in this case our grandparents) stressed-protect-took care of their daughter's taleem-o-tarbiat, they neglect every doing of their sons. they prepared their daughters to face every obstacles, but teach nothing to their sons.
sometimes i believe out parents love their daughter more than their son.
I look at my parents today, look at their marriage and all its ups and downs. I can't imagine any couple that WAS in love conquering those obstacles any differently.
My dad may not have brought home a dozen roses and expressed his love the western way...but he does make her morning chai and breakfast every single day. He may not have serenaded her or written poetry to her...but I do remember him finding her beautiful.
What I have noticed is that the emotions are the same...the expression is different. We that grew up in a more western world view the obvious things like flowers, candy, etc as expressions of love.
Diwana, Kakaballi, wane- I'm talking about love where you can COMPLETELY drop your guard and be able to appreciate your partner for EVERYTHING, and I mean everything. I used the word childish because there should be one person in this world who you don't have to feel like an adult with ALL the time; even if you're the most mature person.
And I think a lot of women (moms, khalas, phupos, etc.) missed out on that.
Diwana, Kakaballi, wane- I'm talking about love where you can COMPLETELY drop your guard and be able to appreciate your partner for EVERYTHING, and I mean everything. I used the word childish because there should be one person in this world who you don't have to feel like an adult with ALL the time; even if you're the most mature person.
And I think a lot of women (moms, khalas, phupos, etc.) missed out on that.
Reha- That's beautiful, mA'
We wouldn't have Taj Mahal if our older generations did not appreciate their spouses. Sometimes you don't have to SAY (or tweet) it out loud. What you are describing is superficial and I don't know if I would really appreciate a woman who attaches too much importance to verbal expression of appreciation.
It’s different with different people I guess…I wouldn’t require from my husband to comment or appreciate everything I wear or I do as long as I get the hugs and kisses…most of our fights start when he starts to pay too much attention to my clothes, make-up etc.
I even remember telling Stoppit and Milly that when I went to see them…he so wanted to put mousse in my hair and I wouldn’t let him but he eventually did and I was unhappy with the results.
not everyone needs that childish love many people are in the game for mature love and care too. so it varies from people to people.
My parents might not have that ‘childish’ & ‘drop guard’ sort of relationship but they love and appreciate each other in different way. Incident that I am going to write now might not be flimsy but it gave me another crash course on how to love and appreciate people around u.
It was about 3 year ago and my parents were visiting us and my mom wished to buy an electronic item that totally slipped out of my (in fact from everybody’s) mind and I did not buy it. On the day they have to leave for airport at around 12Noon, in the morning, when we all wake up and were busy in packing etc, my father sneaked out of the house (without letting anyone know) and walked all the way (20 min walk one way) to Best-Buy and bought the item and came back. I m taking about November of Toronto with almost freezing temperatures and my father who was mashallah around 75 at that time. Mom who actually forgot herself that she wished to buy that item was in tears and I could almost feel her eyes and face saying proudly ‘so what I have him who will take care of me’ (or may be I was feeling that because of guilt)
But when I say true love, I mean the childish,** unconditional, selfless love **which many of our SO/ bf/ hubby's give us.
Yesterday I was on webcam with my SO, while my Mom was behind me doing something. So I was wearing this new little hair clip and he noticed it, by asking me if it was new. Later on my mom said to me in Urdu, as to how lucky I am that this guy sitting across the ocean even bothered to notice my hair clip and complimented me on it. And than she said what broke my heart, "kash meray liyay be koie ker lay tha."
:( I had to control my tears.
And this reminds me of the scene from the movie "Because I said So" where Mandy Moore is telling her Mom how amazing her bf is and that he's really good in bed. Than they start talking about getting an "O," to which her mother replies, what does that feel like?
So I don't know if it's just my observation but did our Moms really miss out on true love?
I think a lot of them did.. and many seem to try and seek some sort of replacement of this unconditional love from their sons instead..
omgoshh D6C. How amazing is your father. She’s one lucky woman.
There is A LOT of care and respect between my parents, and my mom is the most anti-bollywood/ drama type of a woman, but I guess she just wanted to feel like a princess in my dad’s eyes (*just sometimes). *And she knows that my SO is a lot like my dad ( very mature, hard working, quite) and so she doesn’t understand why he is able to treat me like a princess, while my Dad who holds the same type of a personality never bothered to compliment her, or thank her, etc. And that’s where my Mom feel like she missed out on something.
There is also another side to this idea, that now most girls demand to be loved in a marriage not just taken care of as a partner BUT, marriages are definitely not as stable as they were before.
my parents on the other hand, argh. I grew up seeing them fight all the damn time. Not a day went by when they didn’t argue.It wasn’t until my oldest sister’s marriage that they really began to see how bad their relationship was. Now that the three of us are married, they get along great! My parents can’t stop telling us how proud they are of their Damaads. They keep sir pay charaying them by telling them they are better than their own daughters. I find it cute though.
So in short, yes they definitely missed out. OUr mothers would have loved to have someone who respected them the way our husbands respect women today.
So I don't know if it's just my observation but did our Moms really miss out on true love?
I agree with Gaia, I think there are some women and men who lost out on the kind of love we all aspire to.
What I have noticed is that the emotions are the same...the expression is different. We that grew up in a more western world view the obvious things like flowers, candy, etc as expressions of love.
True, Western love does not have exclusive domain over expression of love and western expression of love shouldn't be considered to be the measure of love. It's not just having a partner who says the sweet nothings or buys gifts for each other, rather it's that concern and fikkar that someone has for you not just because they are your partner, but because you matter to them (and vice versa) and life without them would be incomplete.
I think the type of relationship that Gaia is referring to (missing out on love) is where the relationship feels more like an obligation - an obligation to provide for the other person, to take of the home you've made together and the other person has been more of a habit in one's life rather than a choice to be with them. It almost feels as if the partners could have been interchangeable with any other person and you don't appreciate how special the specific person you are with is.
I had to control my tears.
D6C. How amazing is your father. She’s one lucky woman.
I grew up seeing them fight all the damn time. Not a day went by when they didn’t argue.It wasn’t until my oldest sister’s marriage that they really began to see how bad their relationship was. Now that the three of us are married, they get along great! My parents can’t stop telling us how proud they are of their Damaads. They keep sir pay charaying them by telling them they are better than their own daughters.