did anyone just have a

[Life01]

nikkah ?

like no other functions just a simple nikkah?

[LP]

Re: did anyone just have a

It happens. Nikah is a must and Walima is a sunnah. Nothing else is required.

[LP]

Re: did anyone just have a

I’m not yet married but I’d prefer to have a simple nikah and a walima. No separate function for rukhsati. We don’t have any other functions at our end.

[Life01]

Re: did anyone just have a

@LP

I’m not yet married but I’d prefer to have a simple nikah and a walima. No separate function for rukhsati. We don’t have any other functions at our end.

So usually people just have a nikah and then does rukhsati just happen after that? And then walima if their a having a walima …or does everyone have a walima?

[LP]

Re: did anyone just have a

@Life01

So usually people just have a nikah and then does rukhsati just happen after that? And then walima if their a having a walima …or does everyone have a walima?

Some have nikah and rukhsati at the same time. Most have it few hours or days apart. Walima is a sunnah… It is not a must. Most have walima a day or two after the marriage.

[Umer]

Re: did anyone just have a

@Life01

So usually people just have a nikah and then does rukhsati just happen after that? And then walima if their a having a walima …or does everyone have a walima?

We had Nikkah and Rukhsati on the same day. And then Walima on the next day.

[KKF]

Re: did anyone just have a

RuKhsatii is NOT a Islamic shaadii event…ONLY nikaah is and the valima is sunnat to announce the shaadii…valim a is sunnat because this takes away the man or woman’s ability to hide the shaadii [usually second, third or the fourth] and keeping it a secret. this also fortifies the inheritance rights of children from such marriages.

in our society, it’s shameful that those who choose to have just nikaah and often wait for years for ruKhsatii are not allowed to meet on one hand and those who are just mangnified [engaged] are allowed to roam around freely. mangetars are not husbands and there is no sanctity of this relation ship in Islam.

Allah sab ko hidaayat de taa k vo saHeeH deen e Islam kii raah par mukammil taur par chal sakeN aameen

[Umer]

Re: did anyone just have a

@KKF

RuKhsatii is NOT a Islamic shaadii event…ONLY nikaah is and the valima is sunnat to announce the shaadii…valim a is sunnat because this takes away the man or woman’s ability to hide the shaadii [usually second, third or the fourth] and keeping it a secret. this also fortifies the inheritance rights of children from such marriages.

Exactly. I have had so many conversations that sounded pretty much like this:

Me: “Auntie, app ko bete ki shaadi ki Mubarak ho.”
Aunty: “Abhi to sirf Nikkah hua hai. Bete ki shaadi to hum agle saal karrainge.”
Me: “Nikkah hi to shaadi hoti hai.”
Aunty: “Haan aap ki ye baat to sahi hai, lekin wo to hum nai sirf is liye jaldi kar diya taa kai visa apply ho jaaye. Asal function to phir agle saal hi hoga. Aap nai zaroor aana hai.”
Me (thinking to myself): “You didn’t invite me to the actual event, ie the Nikkah. And now you want me to attend the Rukshsati, which you call the actual Shaadi.”

[Bobby1]

Re: did anyone just have a

We had a Nikah, my family was pitch and fork against the wedding so we just went to the Imam and got the Nikah. Same with my eldest brother.

[LP]

Re: did anyone just have a

@Umer

Exactly. I have had so many conversations that sounded pretty much like this:

Me: “Auntie, app ko bete ki shaadi ki Mubarak ho.”
Aunty: “Abhi to sirf Nikkah hua hai. Bete ki shaadi to hum agle saal karrainge.”
Me: “Nikkah hi to shaadi hoti hai.”
Aunty: “Haan aap ki ye baat to sahi hai, lekin wo to hum nai sirf is liye jaldi kar diya taa kai visa apply ho jaaye. Asal function to phir agle saal hi hoga. Aap nai zaroor aana hai.”
Me (thinking to myself): “You didn’t invite me to the actual event, ie the Nikkah. And now you want me to attend the Rukshsati, which you call the actual Shaadi.”

[Silaaj]

Re: did anyone just have a

@Umer

Exactly. I have had so many conversations that sounded pretty much like this:

Me: “Auntie, app ko bete ki shaadi ki Mubarak ho.”
Aunty: “Abhi to sirf Nikkah hua hai. Bete ki shaadi to hum agle saal karrainge.”
Me: “Nikkah hi to shaadi hoti hai.”
Aunty: “Haan aap ki ye baat to sahi hai, lekin wo to hum nai sirf is liye jaldi kar diya taa kai visa apply ho jaaye. Asal function to phir agle saal hi hoga. Aap nai zaroor aana hai.”
Me (thinking to myself): “You didn’t invite me to the actual event, ie the Nikkah. And now you want me to attend the Rukshsati, which you call the actual Shaadi.”

Sounds so familiar…and common, unfortunately.

This ‘visa application’, and in some cases, ‘legitimization of free mingling of the girl and boy’ has led to many nikahs being done prematurely…and the worst part is, noone takes it seriously. i-e, if the girl and boy end up staying together overnight after the ceremonial nikah, its considered a stigma, if not a sin.
Its sort of like how people will lie, cheat, steal during ramadan, but if they see someone eating in public, they will beat them to a pulp for desecrating the holy month.

[Cunctator]

Re: did anyone just have a

@Umer

Exactly. I have had so many conversations that sounded pretty much like this:

Me: “Auntie, app ko bete ki shaadi ki Mubarak ho.”
Aunty: “Abhi to sirf Nikkah hua hai. Bete ki shaadi to hum agle saal karrainge.”
Me: “Nikkah hi to shaadi hoti hai.”
Aunty: “Haan aap ki ye baat to sahi hai, lekin wo to hum nai sirf is liye jaldi kar diya taa kai visa apply ho jaaye. Asal function to phir agle saal hi hoga. Aap nai zaroor aana hai.”
Me (thinking to myself): “You didn’t invite me to the actual event, ie the Nikkah. And now you want me to attend the Rukshsati, which you call the actual Shaadi.”

:lkk:

That is so true and a common practice in our society. Most people give the same reason of legal documentation. The elders in the family also instruct the couple (actually married) not to meet up. If they are engaged, then they can hang out .

But I have come across few people who always do nikah first. I mean it is understandable, to some extent, that nikah is done for visa process and then shaddi will happen when the groom can take the bride with himself. But some people give logic that if nikah is done first, then it would be a halal way of getting to know each other. I agree that they have a point but my apprehension is what if they do not like each other. In engagement, one may call off. But after nikah, things get quite complicated.

[LP]

Re: did anyone just have a

@Cunctator

:lkk:

That is so true and a common practice in our society. Most people give the same reason of legal documentation. The elders in the family also instruct the couple (actually married) not to meet up. If they are engaged, then they can hang out .

But I have come across few people who always do nikah first. I mean it is understandable, to some extent, that nikah is done for visa process and then shaddi will happen when the groom can take the bride with himself. But some people give logic that if nikah is done first, then it would be a halal way of getting to know each other. I agree that they have a point but my apprehension is what if they do not like each other. In engagement, one may call off. But after nikah, things get quite complicated.

Why complicated? Just like one can call off an engagement, a divorce can also be done. Halal way of knowing is way better than haram way of knowing.

[Cunctator]

Re: did anyone just have a

@LP

Why complicated? Just like one can call off an engagement, a divorce can also be done. Halal way of knowing is way better than haram way of knowing.

I wish things were that simple in our society. Although the trend is changing with education and it is definitely a good change. But people especially the girls are still reluctant to take that option. I have witnessed few very close and they simply opted to have that “miserable” life.

[Life01]

Re: did anyone just have a

@Cunctator

I wish things were that simple in our society. Although the trend is changing with education and it is definitely a good change. But people especially the girls are still reluctant to take that option. I have witnessed few very close and they simply opted to have that “miserable” life.

by miserable way of life you mean staying in the marriage?

i think because a divorce is considered a bigger deal than say just breaking of an engagement. engagements although a serious commitment are not considered as “serious” as marriages and i guess this is why divorce is thought to be a bigger deal.

[Captain_Obvious]

Re: did anyone just have a

@KKF

RuKhsatii is NOT a Islamic shaadii event…ONLY nikaah is and the valima is sunnat to announce the shaadii…valim a is sunnat because this takes away the man or woman’s ability to hide the shaadii [usually second, third or the fourth] and keeping it a secret. this also fortifies the inheritance rights of children from such marriages.

in our society, it’s shameful that those who choose to have just nikaah and often wait for years for ruKhsatii are not allowed to meet on one hand and those who are just mangnified [engaged] are allowed to roam around freely. mangetars are not husbands and there is no sanctity of this relation ship in Islam.

Allah sab ko hidaayat de taa k vo saHeeH deen e Islam kii raah par mukammil taur par chal sakeN aameen

Actually, there is a concept of ruksati in Islam, but what you’ve described here isn’t the it. That is a cultural barrier that has no basis in Islam. In Islam it does denote when the wife starts living with the husband. While the ruksati function is not required to let the couple live as a couple, ruksati can also be withheld by the woman until the mahr has been paid.

As for the subject of the topic, we had the nikah and reception/walima afterward, but no other functions as such.

[Cunctator]

Re: did anyone just have a

@Life01

by miserable way of life you mean staying in the marriage?

i think because a divorce is considered a bigger deal than say just breaking of an engagement. engagements although a serious commitment are not considered as “serious” as marriages and i guess this is why divorce is thought to be a bigger deal.

Yes, i meant that.

I agree with you. The concept of institution of marriage is very clear in Islam. Once married, both parties have certain obligations. There is no warranty of one year ;). The onus is shared by both but actually the guy is more responsible. This strengthens the relationship. There is no place of calling it off on trivial issues and that is why the bond is considered strong. But if the situation gets out of control, a third party (preferably some elderly) should play the role to clear the air between the two. If, God forbid, things don’t get settled, then there is always an option of divorce (which is only the last resort and certainly not preferable though halal).

[Life01]

Re: did anyone just have a

would just having a nikkah mean though that the girls side does not really pay for anything…because the guys side pay for the walima right?

[SaeedinPakistan]

Re: did anyone just have a

@Life01

would just having a nikkah mean though that the girls side does not really pay for anything…because the guys side pay for the walima right?

Depends really. A couple of my cousins had their Nikkahs done separate from Rukhsati. Each one’s nikkah ceremony seemed like a mini wedding ceremony. Money was spent.