After watching “meri zaat zarra-e-benishaan” and reading a recent post on another thread I thought I’d put up a very important topic for discussion: why is it that there is usually a disconnect (I’m not saying EVERYONE has this but with most people) between grandchildren and their dhadi/dhadha?
I was never close to my dhadhi and my dhadha passed away when I was too young but I have always been closer to my nana/nani. Is it because of the stigma attached to most saas/bahou relationships thus affecting the relationship with their grandchildren? or is it because dhadhis/dhadhas have some kind of inevitable awkward and strained relationship with their grandchildren?
Once again I’m not saying this is the majority, but it is quite prevalent in my life and in most Pakistanis’ lives that I’ve met. Discuss/share stories
. Is it because of the stigma attached to most saas/bahou relationships thus affecting the relationship with their grandchildren?
its that from most of the relationships that i have observed. I personally am a lot closer to my dadi ... never saw my nani ... but i think it has a lot to do with the amount of patience my dadi has for me and how she never gets upset at me ... i don't think i can take much of a credit in that relationship atleast
my nana, nani, and dada passed away before I was born and I really really wish at times that I had gotten the opportunity to know them. however i did have a great relationship with my dadi until the very end of her life. even after she was diagnosed with alzheimers i loved spending time with her, and I don't think my mom ever had any issues with it. it was endearing to see my dad try to talk to her and remind her of small things she forgot.
i don't have personal experience to compare but your statement is pretty logical given the fact that most children will watch their mom interact with dadi vs nani and observe the slight difference in tone at a very young age. whereas fathers are out working so maybe their interaction with dadis vs nanis isn't as easily observed by children?
Since this was inspired from my post I decided to post here. I don’t want to write the whole story down but my dada dadi are greedy for money. They only love money. Hence, I hate them. They have always differentiated between all their bahus which shouldn’t be the case you should love all of them equally. If anything my mother should’ve been treated highly considering it was my dad who constantly took care of their financial and emotional needs. My dadi dada being typical greedy desis weren’t close to us from the start. They never made an effort with us because they didn’t want my father to get married to anyone in teh first place. Reason? So they could scrounge of him all his life. Bhookay kaheen ke. It’s not our fault that we came along. They need to act their age. It’s about time anyways. When we were little my so called grandparents didn’t let my brother stay over at theirs for the night. She would let all our other cousins stay. Ek banday ke rehne se Qayamat nahin aa jati. He cried so much and I felt so bad for him
^ Are you my long lost sister?! Seriously though, that's the exact same scenario with me except I have a step dadi as well because my dada married twice. I thought my dadi was bad...she's even worse. I have no love for them at all, I don't hate them either...there's just nothing there.
for me, my nana passed away before i was born, but my mum always talks about how wonderful he was, although some of the things he did in his life prove him to have been a weak man, bowing to family rather that what is right.
my nani has had a really hard life,and this has made her vent her resentment at the wrong people. generally she is a good person i think, but as she lives in pakistan and myself in the UK, i dont know her that well, and am not quite sure what to make of her.
my dadi, though i didnt know her well either, she was a really kind woman, but also a victim of her own circumstances. i have few memories of her but they are all good. she passed away 5 years ago.
my dada,or babaji as we call him, oh man.lol. he's a character, but not in a good way lol. he has an incessant need to know everything, he's selfish, he considers himself religious but he's not an introspective person at all and doesnt see that there's more to religion than fulfilling the basics.
^ Are you my long lost sister?! Seriously though, that's the exact same scenario with me except I have a step dadi as well because my dada married twice. I thought my dadi was bad...she's even worse. I have no love for them at all, I don't hate them either...there's just nothing there.
I have no love for them at all. Infact if they were to die tomorrow I wouldn't feel anything. Yes as a child I did get upset when I saw the way they used to be with us but with time you get used to it. There's no love... no hate. For me they don't even exist anymore. On the otherhand, my nani has always been really nice to us and so have my khalas. They were aware of everything and I think due to that they used to spoil us. May Allah always keep my nani and khalas happy and healthy. May he always torture my dada dadi Ameen
I was blessed to have really nice dada and dadi.. they have both passed away and we miss their company dearly.. Infact my dada was like a friend to us fulfilling all our little request because he lived with us and May allah bless him for all his kindness amen..
I didnt read others replies but I was always way closer to my dadi not that im not close to my nani. I think it might have to do with the relationship your ammi has with your dadi. My ammi and dadi always had a great relationship so my dadi always favoured us more then her daughters kids. Although I think what you said might have some truth to that because kids tend to be closer to their ammi's side family.
I am definitely closer to my nani/nana and it has a lot to do with how my dadhi treated my mom but also because she was never really loving. Although my father is her favorite she came from a very different state of mind than my mom and her parents. All my life I didn't care for her (my dhadha died when I was 2 so I never knew him) but now that I'm older and her health is failing I've learned to take the love I've had for my nani/nana and love her too. It makes my dad happy and I think in the long run that's what matters. I think we as children try to fight our parents' battles. Sometimes it's their fault for inviting us into their baises, but on the most part it should be an equal love for your mom's parents as well as your father's. What do you guys think?
I think some people have bad experiences with their dada/dadi or nana/nani. Totally understandable. We love our parents and hate to see them go through hell. I think its also how we make our opinions based on situations.
My dadi treated my mom very badly. My mom used to work to help my dad with finances, come home, cook, look after us, do her job work, make dinner for us... without any help. And then end of the day when she used to serve dinner to my dadi, my dadi would simply throw her dish saying yeh kia bakwas banaya hai.. maa baap ne kuch nahi sikhaya. I saw how she treated my mom. Pretty sad. But I still respect my dadi. She made my dad what he is today. Encouraged him to study. Was a pretty independent woman.. also very controlling.. but that's okay. Mom didn't complain, who are we kids to say anything bad.
So I think its how we want to see things. I see the goodness in my dadi and the bad stuff well, the only person who can complain is my mom and she doesn't. She tells us kids everyday how great woman my dadi was and no matter what happened btw them its our duty to respect her. I think duty lies on the parents to make the kids understand this. I know suffering is not a good thing but if it didn't concern me.. and my mom is fine with what happened, who am i to say anything.
I think some people have bad experiences with their dada/dadi or nana/nani. Totally understandable. We love our parents and hate to see them go through hell. I think its also how we make our opinions based on situations.
My dadi treated my mom very badly. My mom used to work to help my dad with finances, come home, cook, look after us, do her job work, make dinner for us... without any help. And then end of the day when she used to serve dinner to my dadi, my dadi would simply throw her dish saying yeh kia bakwas banaya hai.. maa baap ne kuch nahi sikhaya. I saw how she treated my mom. Pretty sad. But I still respect my dadi. She made my dad what he is today. Encouraged him to study. Was a pretty independent woman.. also very controlling.. but that's okay. Mom didn't complain, who are we kids to say anything bad.
So I think its how we want to see things. I see the goodness in my dadi and the bad stuff well, the only person who can complain is my mom and she doesn't. She tells us kids everyday how great woman my dadi was and no matter what happened btw them its our duty to respect her. I think duty lies on the parents to make the kids understand this. I know suffering is not a good thing but if it didn't concern me.. and my mom is fine with what happened, who am i to say anything.
I think we had the same dhadhi lol. I agree, my dad wouldn't be the man he is today without his mom and that is why I respect her. Difference here is my mom couldn't hide her sadness when things like this happened (I don't blame her) and I do think in a way felt threatened by her. All I know is we can look at their relationships and apply them to our lives in a different more positive way.
