Living in joint families, does one come across problems between bhabhis and dewars?
I mean how is the atmosphere with a ‘jawaan paraya’ aadmi in the house? Father in Law is different since hes supposed to be old and humble 
Somehow, it would make me feel very uncomfortable especially if the dewar is the ruthless ‘staring’ kind 
How can one cope in such situations?
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
What is the meaning of the Hadith: "Your in-law is death”? Can my brother stay with my family in the same house? (My wife wears Hijab.)
This Hadith you mentioned is reported in Sahih Al-Bukhari, vol. 7, Book of Nikah (Marriage), Hadith no. 159. It reads as follows:
Uqbah IbnAamir, may Allah be pleased with him, quotes Allah's Messenger as saying, "Beware of entering upon women." A man from the Ansar said, "O Messenger of Allah! What about Al-Hamu, or the wife’s in-law (the brother of her husband or his nephew, etc.)?" The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, replied: “The in-law of the wife is death itself.”
The Hadith is also reported in Sahih Muslim, Kitab As-Salam (Book on Salutations and Greetings), Chapter 8, Hadith no 5400.
Commenting on this Hadith, Imam An-Nawawi, may Allah bless his soul, states: "Al-Layth Ibn Sa`d holds that the *“the in-law” refers to a relative of the husband other than his father and sons (who are *Mahram (unmarriageable kin) to his wife), such as his brother, nephew, and cousin, etc., with whom marriage would be permissible for her, if she were to be divorced or widowed **
As for his saying “the in-law is death”, it means that you are supposed to be very cautious of him as evil is most expected from him. This is because the in-law, contrary to the stranger, can easily approach the lady and violate her privacy, without people blaming him for doing so.
The in-law here stands for husband’s relatives other than his fathers and sons. As for the husband’s father and sons, they are Mahram to his wife and they are allowed to be alone with her. They don’t fall under the category of “the in-law is death”. Those who are described of death are the husband’s brother, cousin, uncle, and all those who are not Mahram for the wife. People usually take it easy and find no problem with the husband’s brother being in private with the former’s wife. This is “death” itself as the in-law is most worthy of the prohibition.
Al-Mazari is of the opinion that the in-law refers to the husband's father, but this not correct and it is rejected.
Shedding more light on the Hadith, the prominent scholar Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, says:
“The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, particularly warned women concerning Khulwah (being alone) with male-in-laws such as the husband's brother or cousin, since people are quite negligent in this regard, sometimes with disastrous consequences. It is obvious that a relative has easier access than a stranger to a woman's quarters, something concerning which no one would question him. The same is true of the wife's non-Mahram relatives, and it is prohibited for any of them to be in Khulwah with her.
By saying “the in-law is death” the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, meant that there are inherent dangers and even destruction in such privacy: Religion is destroyed if they commit sin; the wife is ruined if her husband divorces her out of jealousy; and social relationships are torn apart if relatives become suspicious of each other.
The danger lies not merely in the possibility of sexual temptation. It is even greater in relation to the possibility gossip about what is private and personal between the husband and wife by those who cannot keep secrets to themselves and relish talking about others; such talk has ruined many marriages and destroyed many homes. In explaining the meaning of "“the in-law is death,” Ibn al-Atheer says, "It is an Arabic figure of speech like, 'The lion is death' or 'The king is fire,' which means that meeting a lion is similar to facing death and a confrontation with a king is like being in the fire. Thus, privacy between an in-law and a woman is far more dangerous than in the case of a stranger because he might persuade her to do things against her husband's wishes, such as asking him for things he cannot afford, nagging him, and the like."
Thus, we conclude that your brother is only allowed to be with your wife if there is a Mahram with them. If there is no Mahram, then it is forbidden for your to be in a state of Khulwah with your wife, even if she wears *Hijab*
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
**So very true, have seen it happen, very ugly situation altogether..:( **
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
mmmm nah :D
my devar (in fact all his family) mind thier own business, they're very nice and fun to be around though...
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
errrrr like my hhabhis are like sisters to me.
i guess the rule of thumb is good if someone has leecher folks in the family.
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
jus marry an only child/youngest son..but then ud be aksing abt bhabhi-jaith 
the day after the wedding, my jaith asked me something and called me bhabhi.. and for a few seconds i was like "hain?
looking around and then I remembered I was the only girl there 
Everyone here just calls me by name, even in Pakistan (no baji), so it’s a nice change to hear a child call me chachi or an adult call me bhabhi 
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
I’m merely saying it can happen na
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
^ It can but you shouldn’t think about it. Always go into any situation with the best intentions and positive thinking. Don’t think that your devars/jaiths will be pervs (EW!!! ) or your saas/nands will be evil.
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
I think Dewar-Bhabi is the best relationship in our society. Dewar's usually respect their Bhabi's more than their own sisters.
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
I think most bhabi-devar relationships work out good as there is always a respect barrier - however there are sum cases where if the devar is living with his bro and bhabi alone then he becomes a kebab-mein-haddi - this is cos either the girl would favour d devar and go to him with her problems more or either she will start hating him for just being there as he would always be in the way. I think it all depennds on whether u are living as a whole family or if d devar is just staying with you couple alone, and whether you have kids, ur individual living styles and personalities.....you'll just have to wait and see, my dear...
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
If I can add my 2p worth into the thread...........
I love the relationship I have with my Dewar...I always wanted a baby brother and so treat him as such...so good is the relationship with him that I have just returned from India after helping to arrange his Nikaah ceremony, he asked me to go over and I had no reservations about using my annual leave to attend...I also email him everyday and speak/text often. He doesn't call me bhabhi (I think he only ever did that once!) just calls me by the shortened version of my name. He cares about me a lot, so much that when I was in India 2 years ago and his mum was horrible to me, he put her straight...that was very touching. My dewar gets on better with me than with his older sister who is the same age as me (she isn't married yet so is at home) and he treats me exactly like I was his sister. I can't describe the relationship, but given that he is supposed to be non mahram, the relationship is just so good that we can't think of each other as anything but brother and sister.
He will be coming to the UK when he gets his VISA insha allah and will stay with us..I can't wait.
I think it's all about niyat and nazar...not all men will be letches........but then there are also the women out there who break the boundaries - it's not always the men......
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
you are saying this only because your husbad could be reading it? 
otherwise your statement would be something like “kambakht.. jaan hi nahi choorte” 
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
Hee Hee!
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
Very True.
MR. FRAUDIA's comment ought to sum it up. I agree 100%.
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
nope not at all, if I had a problem, I woudln’t even be saying anything on this issue (or any issue) 
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
it seems people hardly pay attention to the crux of the matter …
The message in the exlplanation in the second post is very clear, I dont see anywhere it is questioning you good sweet relations with dever/bhabi /inlaws how you respect them and blah blah..
All it is saying that you should not be alone with your dever (brother in law) or bhabi (sister in law) un-necessarily. Becuase it can lead to gossips at the very least or some ugly situation at the very worst.
I dont see any problem being friendly, cordial and confidant with your dever and bhabi. And in our social setup it is consider very friendly relationship. You hardly ever hear any married women complaining about his Male in laws in terms of respect or understanding, even if they keep on blabberin about female inlaws.
Also, in our social setup dever often take bhaibis into confidence if they like someone or any other secret matter which they dont disclose to anyone else, even to their siblings…but thats only even when they have confidence that she can keep the secret.
Dever bhabi relationship is lovely, when both parties respect the boundries.
we should wait for couple of month and then you can read it all in her journal’s private entries 
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
^ R you trying to say you have access to my pvt journal entries since u were a mod once??? OMG you must be hte “seedY” person that someone was complaining abt 
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
Btw, I like jeeja/ Sali relationship even better
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
Uss ki (sakki) saali hi koi nahi :(
Re: Dewar vs. Bhabhi
mods cant do that 
So basically you are trying to say that i have more powers than any mod can imagine in thier most covert dream ?
people keep on complaining abt me all the time, be specific 